


Anson, Iva, Rory and the Baby

by Amelia_Elizabeth



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Babyfic, F/M, Family, Family Fluff, Pregnancy, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-30
Updated: 2017-06-26
Packaged: 2018-11-06 20:47:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 58,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11044026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amelia_Elizabeth/pseuds/Amelia_Elizabeth
Summary: AU. Starting on New Year's Eve aboard Voyager, Kathryn and Chakotay enjoy a few quiet moments together between interruptions from their three (soon to be four) children. The continuing story of their growing family. Sweet family fluff and pregnancy fic.





	1. New Year's Eve

**Author's Note:**

> A repost from fanfiction.net. I don't own them because if I did things would have turned out just like this.

Anson, Iva, Rory and the baby.  
by Amelia Elizabeth

Kathryn smiled as she gazed up at her husband. He held her close in his arms, the deep blue satin of her gown softly rustling against his tuxedo as they slowly moved across the dance floor. She hadn't wanted to come; she'd been feeling rather lousy all day but her husband finally convinced her to come. He said it would be good for her. She said none of her dresses fit anymore. He said replicate a new one. She said her feet were too swollen for shoes. He said then go barefoot. She said that she was too huge and pregnant for all this. He just dragged her out the door.

He'd been right of course. Coming to the annual crew New Year's Ball was a wonderful chance to see almost all of her officers in a much more relaxed setting. She'd smiled and laughed as they all shared their memories of the year before and their hopes for the future. And Kathryn proudly let them all touch her swollen belly to feel the movements of their newest crewmember.

A sharp kick from the baby brought her attention back to her stomach, which, as her husband had noted, was warmly snuggled between the two of them as they danced. Kathryn winced as another tiny foot jabbed her bladder, which she was just beginning to realize was incredibly and uncomfortably full. She grimaced and her husband gave her a knowing smile as she quickly made a beeline for the bathroom. It never fails, she thought.

When she came back into the mess hall a few moments later feeling quite relieved, she saw that her dance partner had been taken. In her husband's arms was their four-year-old daughter, her head sleepily resting on his shoulders and her arms grasped tightly around his neck. The ruffles of her party dress were slightly rumpled as she wrapped her chubby little legs around her strong father. Her hair, which her mother had painstakingly pulled into a tight bow, had fallen out of its fastener and now cascaded down her shoulders in soft reddish brown waves. She looked up at her father with a look of pure adoration.

On her husband's other side was their older daughter, a very precocious eight, who held on to her father's hand as he twirled her around the room, careful not to disturb the little one. Like her sister, she had on a ruffled and layered white dress and she loved how it flared out as she spun around and around. She swung her father's arm back and forth, running under it and always turning back to make sure that he was still there. He was of course. Kathryn could tell without even seeing his face how happy he was.

The little one saw her first. "Mama!" she cried as Kathryn made her way slowly over to them. The little girl held out her arms for her father and Kathryn gave her a tight squeeze but did not lift her from her father's shoulder. The girl looked disappointed. "I want to go up, Mama," she said.

"I know, sweetheart," Kathryn sighed. "But Mama has a baby in her belly," she guided her daughter's small hands to the rounded curve of her baby bump, "and so I can't pick you up right now, remember?. Daddy can, though and I can give you lots and lots of hugs."

Rory Janeway pondered this as she ran her fingers along the pleats of her mother's gown. Unlike her older siblings, Rory had never seen her mother pregnant before and was not quite sure what to make of things. She always wanted to be held, but at four years old, she was just too big for her expectant mother to lift.

"Can I have another hug since you can't pick me up?" she finally asked.

"Of course you can," Kathryn said as she held her daughter close. She brushed a lock of hair behind the little girl's ear. Rory in turn reached up and pulled a stray wisp of her mother's hair back behind her ear. Kathryn held her daughter's hand and kissed it.

"Did you see me spinning out there?" her older daughter Iva asked. If Rory had become more clingy during this pregnancy, than Iva had become much more assertive, Kathryn thought. She seemed determined to make sure that both her parents knew exactly what she was doing at all times.

"I did, honey, and you looked so beautiful," she smiled.

"Daddy said I had to dance with him since you were too pregnant," Iva said matter-of-factly.

"Did he?" Kathryn laughed as she caught a sheepish grin from her husband.

"Uh huh," Iva continued, "he says the baby is always making you go to the bathroom and sneeze and not sleep well and not dance and…"

"Iva…" her father cautioned.

"And he said you look really beautiful tonight."

"I'm sure he did. What do you say, Dad, you want to be pregnant for the rest of the time with this one?" she held her belly protectively.

Before Chakotay could respond, Iva chimed in again. "Mama! He can't hold a baby in his tummy. Only you can. Only human mothers can have babies. Everyone knows that."

Kathryn smiled as her daughter proudly stood in front of her, arms folded and giving her father a death glare. Kathryn wrapped her own arms around the little girl and bending down as gracefully as she could to give Iva a kiss on the cheek. "Of course you're right. What was I thinking?"

"Mama's got a baby in her brain!" cried Rory. Kathryn made a mental note not to talk so much about having pregnancy brain, something she admitted was happening more and more this time around. The girls were bound to pick up and repeat anything they heard, often and loudly.

In fact, when Kathryn had found out that she was pregnant eight months earlier, she and Chakotay hadn't bothered to even make an announcement to the crew, beyond telling their closest friends. Instead they told Iva, Rory and their older brother Anson who then proceeded to race through the ship screaming with glee, "Mama's having a baby!" Everyone knew in less than 30 minutes.

Her husband caught her gaze briefly. "Feeling better?" he asked sympathetically.

"Much. Although give me time," she sighed, "and I'll be back in the bathroom again."

He bent down to set Rory on the ground and she and her older sister raced away, leaving their parents in the middle of the dance floor, surrounded by dancing couples.

"Would you like to pick up where we left off?" he asked, extending a hand.

"I'd love to," she said as she settled into his arms, one of her hands on his shoulder, the other lightly clasping his. His other hand rested on the small of her back and the swell of her belly gently nudged his flat abdomen.

"Did you really tell the girls that I was too pregnant to dance?" she asked mischievously.

"I did," he grinned. "Iva saw you leave so suddenly before that she thought something was wrong. I turned it into a joke to calm her down. She seemed to think was hilarious that you couldn't dance without running off to the bathroom."

"Is she very worried about all this?"

"She isn't sure what to expect. I think she just doesn't want to miss anything important."

"Well if this one is anything like her siblings, she'll take her sweet time getting here." Kathryn sighed as she remembered being overdue with both Anson and Iva and struggling through twenty-hour labors with each. It had been absolutely exhausting but so incredibly worth it when she held each of her children in her arms for the very first time.

"Still convinced this one is a girl?" her husband mused.

She nodded. "She's a kicker like Iva was and she's making my feet swell up like balloons." She tried to look down at her bare feet but she couldn't see past her belly. "I'm huge and I'm emotional and I've been sick for 37 weeks. Face it Commander, you are still going to be outnumbered in three weeks."

“That's the way I like it," he kissed her on the forehead. Without her heels, she barely came up to his chin and she was in no condition to stand on tiptoes.

"Speaking of boys," she smiled, "where is ours?"

"Over there," her husband nodded to where one of her helmsmen stood with her eldest balanced on his shoulders. The pilot looked like he was enjoying himself just as much as her nine-year-old son as they danced. If the girls were inquisitive and adventurous like their mother, then Anson with his dark hair and kind eyes was all his father, in temperament and in looks. Anson was their peacemaker. He romped with his sisters but he was always looking out for them and more than once he had told his mother how excited he was for their newest sibling to arrive. He had been the sweetest, easiest child and Chakotay had liked to joke that their son had completely spoiled them by being an utterly perfect toddler. Maybe that was why they had had Iva so soon after Anson and Iva was why there was such a large gap before Rory.

"Are you sure that's safe?" Kathryn asked quietly as Anson let go of his hold on the pilot. His hands were now free in the air and he waved a big hello over to his parents. Chakotay waved back.

"Katie, he's fine. This crew knows how to take care of our children. They've been doing it for nine years," he smiled. "They also know not to mess with a heavily pregnant captain."

"It took them three pregnancies to learn that one."

"Accidentally knocking out power to seven decks during your first trimester with Rory isn't what I'd call messing with you," he mused, "but secretly stashing spare parts to build a new flyer may have been pushing it."

"They are a good crew, aren't they?" she said, looking from her laughing son to where her daughters were spinning around in the arms of two engineers, their smiles as wide as could be.

"Yes they are."

"And they are going to love this baby whenever she gets here?"

"Yes they will. And so will I." He placed his hands on her belly and began rubbing it in small circles. "Even if she makes my wife uncomfortable and beautiful and round. I love her already."

"And you'll love me even if I had to interrupt our dancing again to go to the bathroom?" she asked looking up at him.

"I'll love you even if you have to interrupt our dancing again to go to the bathroom," he said with a laugh.

"Good, because I'll be right back."

 

###


	2. Sleep Or Lack Thereof

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chakotay is up late and it turns out he isn't the only one.

Chakotay ran his hand through his hair and rubbed his eyes. It felt like he had been up for hours and between captaining voyager and raising three children, it wasn't that far from the truth. He sighed and reluctantly began reading again. Engineering needed a new gamma shift duty officer, three replicators were down on deck 4 and one of the biologists was threatening to exile himself in the holodeck unless his department got more time on away missions. He glanced at the clock, 0200 hours. He would be on duty again in 4 hours. Maybe he would have to give Kathryn's vice of choice a try.

He put down the report and closed his eyes. He could faintly hear whispering coming from his bedroom. Reluctantly, he stood up and walked over to the room. If one of the kids had climbed into bed and woken their mother up, he'd have to deal with that before he tackled his ever growing list of projects.

He came to the doorway and stopped. His wife sat on the bed, alone, her legs crossed with her burgeoning belly looking even larger than before and her arms cradling it. She looked exhausted, hair falling out of the braid she had put it into sleep and dark circles under her eyes. Chakotay frowned.

"Hi," she said quietly.

"I heard voices," he said. "I thought one of the kids had come in, I didn't think…"

"This little one is having a little trouble sleeping tonight," she winced as she placed a hand on her belly. "I thought maybe hearing my voice would help calm her down."

"Is it working?" he asked, sitting down next to her on the bed.

"No, not really," she sighed. "And she hasn't been feeling like a 'little one' that much either."

"Oh darling," he kissed her on the head and stroked her hair. "I'm sorry. Maybe I can help." He gently helped her ease herself back down on the bed, her head nestled in the extra pillows she'd sworn they would never need. He placed a hand on her heavily pregnant stomach and began gently rubbing, feeling their unborn child inside.

"Now kiddo," he began softly, "I thought we had an agreement. Your mother is very tired and she is going to need all the sleep she can get before you are born, especially if you are anything like the last three we've had. So I would really appreciate it if you would settle down for the evening. You'll have plenty of time to play once you get here." He felt a slight kick underneath his palm and smiled. "Good."

He looked up at his wife, her eyes closed and her breathing slow and deep. His eyes moved from her tangled red hair and her peaceful expression down to her swollen belly, slowing rising and falling with each breath. He didn't know how she had done it. Six weeks ago when she went on maternity leave, he had once again inherited all of her responsibilities as captain and even now he was still trying to catch up. It had been easier the first time she got pregnant, but he hadn't known it then. He had been so worried that he would not be up to the task or that Kathryn would somehow find him unfit for the job. He had asked her about it once, or rather she had wrangled it out of him.

_"Is everything alright?" she asked. "You look worried."_

_"It's nothing."_

_"You keep running your hand through your hair," she said as she sat down next to him._

_"And?"_

_"And that is always a sure sign that you are worrying."_

_"Oh really?" he couldn't help but smile at how proud she had been that she figured him out._

_"Is it about the baby? I told you the Doctor told me I am right on schedule for 31 weeks._

_He sighed, "I wish I had been there."_

_She reached out to touch his cheek. "I know. I wish you had been there too. But that's not what you are worrying about, is it?"_

_"You don't think having a wife 31 weeks pregnant with your first child is cause for a little anxiety?"_

_"No," she smiled, "I'm sure it is. But I think there is something else."_

_"You should definitely switch to the counseling division, my darling. You know how to just pry it out of me."_

_"So what's wrong?"_

_He looked her straight in the eye. "Do you think I'm ready to captain this ship?"_

_"Of course I do. That is why I chose you as first officer. I knew at any moment you would be able to assume command of this ship and this crew."_

_"Really? I though I got the job to quell a Maquis insurrection."_

_"That too." She stood slowly and began picking up the dinner dishes. He followed her into the kitchen._

_"But I'm serious. In another week, you'll go on maternity leave and I'll have to sit in that chair. I don't think I'm ready for it."_

_She shrugged her shoulders and handed him a towel to dry. "None of us are. Your first command is never what you expect it to be. It is a real lesson in staying in the moment and letting things play out the way they will."_

_"I can hardly wait."_

_She stopped what she was doing and walked over to where he stood. "I think you are making too big a deal out of this. It is no different than when you hold the bridge during the beta watch."_

_"It is completely different! When I hold the bridge, I always know that if worst comes to worst, I can ask you for advice. The idea of being completely accountable for every single life on this ship…"_

_"It sounds like you'd like someone to share the blame with."_

_"Kathryn, I've learned more from you than from a decade of Starfleet training. I just wish I had more time."_

_"So you would worry more?" she raised an eyebrow at him and gave him 'the look'._

_He sheepishly grinned. "Basically."_

_"You can be incredibly sweet and caring and overthinking sometimes, you know," she reached up to kiss him on the check before going back to the dishes. "You're ready."_

And she had been right of course. But every time she got pregnant and every time she went on leave he went through it all over again. He had known she was a strong woman from the day he met her, but he never really understood what it meant to be a captain until it was his turn. She had trained him well though. That is what she would always say when he said he was spending another late night working. Like tonight.

He smiled at his wife again as he brushed her hair off her face. Slowly he got up to leave, but he felt a hand on his. Kathryn opened her eyes, just a little.

"Don't go," she whispered. "We like it when you are here," she guided his hand back down to her belly.

"All right," he said. "Move over just a little, lady with a baby." He laid down next to his wife, his hand still resting on her baby bump. The little one was quiet and Kathryn was asleep, her head nestled against his. He sighed. The reports could wait. She had taught him that much.

 

###


	3. Soon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kathryn and Chakotay with their youngest (soon to be not youngest).

Rory snuggled in closer to her mother. It was nearly bedtime and Kathryn was sure that Rory knew it, but the little girl made no move to go to her own bed. They had been sitting together on the big bed for almost an hour, Kathryn reading a report on the latest pulsar they were passing (the only report Chakotay cared to share with her) and Rory had one of Iva's old Flotter stories. She'd read it so many times that she had memorized it but whenever anyone suggested that perhaps they invest in a new Flotter adventure book, Rory crossed her arms like her mother and said no.

Rory loved spending time with her mother and by extension time with the baby. She loved to press her little hands against her mother's belly to feel her sibling inside. She loved to imagine what the baby was thinking when she started kicking. Rory decided that the baby was trying to swim but to Kathryn it felt more like a soccer match. The baby did more than kick, as Kathryn was painfully aware. After one particularly sleepless night, the Doctor had joked that perhaps she was having twins. Kathryn had paled so visibly that the Doctor rushed to assure her that she only had one very active little baby inside.

When Rory wasn't prancing around telling everyone who asked and some who didn't that the baby already had a name (Kathryn blamed her husband for that one. It had all but settled the discussion since they realized that it would be incredibly hard to break the kids of the habit), she was calling it "little fishy baby." "Little fishy baby did this today," or "little fishy baby is swimming, Daddy," or "Ow! Little fishy baby hurt Mama!" Still, Kathryn was amazed at how well her four-year-old was handling the impending change in her life. She understood that she was no longer going to be the baby of the family and she understood that even though her parents would be giving the new one a lot of attention, they still loved her dearly. She seemed to understand everything. Everything except why her mother could no longer pick her up in her arms.

Kathryn's thoughts were interrupted by the sound of hammering coming from the living room. He had been working on the crib for the last four months, having decided that the crib that had held Anson, Iva and Rory would no longer do. After she casually mentioned to him that since she was older and this was her fourth pregnancy she was very likely to go into labor early, he had been frantically spending every spare minute on it. It was a beautiful crib, she thought. A half finished baby blanket was draped across it, something she had been working on during the day while the children were at school. Like her husband she was now hurriedly trying to finish it. Only sewing was a lot quieter than construction.

"Chakotay?" Kathryn called.

"Yeah?" the hammering stopped.

"Are you…" she wasn't sure how to say it. "… almost finished?"

"Why?" he said, coming into the bedroom. "Have the contractions started? Should I call the Doctor?" a worried look flickered across his face. 

"No, I'm fine," she said trying to reassure him. He sat down on the bed next to her and placed his hands gently on top of hers on her belly. Immediately, Rory jumped up and scrambled into his arms, sitting down on his lap. Well, Kathryn thought, she could handle one parent paying attention to the baby but not two.

"What do you think, Rory?" he asked his youngest daughter. "Is it time for bed?"

"No!" Rory pouted. 

"Come on, kiddo." He leaned close and whispered in his daughter's ear, loud enough so that Kathryn could hear too. "I think Mama and the baby are getting tired. We wouldn't want the baby to get jealous that you get to stay up later, do we?"

Rory thought that one over. Chakotay looked over her head and at Kathryn, mouthing the words, "a little help?" Kathryn got the message. She faked a yawn; only it turned into a real one. Rory giggled.

"Come on, little girly. Let's get you in bed so that your poor Mama can finally get some sleep." Chakotay scooped his daughter up in his arms, careful to bring the Flotter book along too. "You can read a little more before bed, okay? Say goodnight." 

"Good night fishy baby!" Rory called out with a wave.

"And…" her father prompted.

"Good night, Mama!"

Kathryn laughed in spite of herself. "Goodnight, sweetheart. Sleep well." She watched as her husband carried the little girl over to her bedroom. He soon came back and sat back down on the bed.

"Are you sure you are feeling all right?" he looked into her eyes carefully.

"Of course, I'm just tired… and I'm pregnant. I'm still pregnant. I keep waiting to wake up in the morning and not have this big belly any more." She sighed.

"You're beautiful, you know," he smiled, kissing her forehead. "You are a natural mother."

"With swollen ankles and all."

"Yes, I suppose so. Would you like me to rub them?" he asked.

"I think that is what got us into this mess in the first place," she laughed as he stretched out beside her. Her husband looked at her with such love and care, as if he didn't have any cares in the world except for her and the kids, as if he wasn't captain of a starship. He balanced it all very well, she thought, especially this last trimester. But Chakotay had never once complained, never once made her feel as if she were alone. She had to remember to thank him for that when all this was over.

"Two more weeks," she smiled.

"Two more weeks," he repeated. "Or sooner," he laughed.

"Or sooner," she said, kissing him.

 

### 


	4. Walking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He reminded her so much of his father.

 

They had been walking for only about half an hour, but to Kathryn it felt longer. Time seemed to slow down when the first contractions began oh so early that morning. She'd tried to go back to sleep, remembering how the first time she was pregnant she had bolted out of bed at the first sign of labor. By now, after delivering three healthy children, she knew her body and what to expect. And she knew that things moved slowly.

She'd stayed in bed for a couple more hours until she felt the need to get up and move around. Her husband watched with a bemused smile as she "waddled" (she truly hated that word) around their quarters tidying things up. It suddenly seemed like their home was nowhere near ready for a new arrival.  
  
Around the time that Iva left for her music lesson and Rory went to the babysitter, Kathryn and Chakotay had stopped by sickbay to see how the labor was progressing. Kathryn already knew what he would say. "Slowly." This little one was in no hurry, but her mother was more than ready. The Doctor suggested that she walk the ship's corridors for a little while to try to speed things up. And her son Anson offered to walk with her. 

Anson had heard somewhere that it was very good for pregnant women to walk around a lot and so he decided that he would make sure his mother got the exercise she needed. For the entire third trimester, every evening the two of them would walk a slow circuit from their quarters down to sickbay, the science labs and the computer core before turning around and coming back home. Sometimes they talked about the baby, how Anson was sure that this one would be a girl but how he still thought Asa would be a good name for a baby brother; about his younger sisters; about his day; about almost anything they felt like. Always they walked hand in hand.

Today though, Anson seemed to be deep in thought. He asked her a couple of questions about how she was feeling and how soon she thought the baby would come, but that was it. He studied her carefully and Kathryn knew that her nine-year-old son was mentally keeping track of her contractions. She'd smiled at that.

Every ten minutes or so, the dull ache in her back and the hardness in her belly would return and she would stop walking and close her eyes. At first she would lean against the bulkhead and focus on her breathing but by now she was holding on to both of Anson's hands as the pain began to ripple through her. Her arms were held out in front of her, her own larger hands in Anson's smaller ones and her head down. His hands were held up to meet hers and to steady her, his young face looking intently up at hers. His eyes were so clear and his face so earnest that Kathryn found herself holding his strong gaze even when the pain grew stronger.

She had always known that her son was strong and wise beyond his years but she hadn't fully realized the depth of it until they were standing in the hallway, waiting for the contraction to end. Anson didn't shy away as she squeezed his hands tightly and bit her lip as the pain reached its peak. He calmly looked up at her, sometimes smiling, sometimes giving her whispers of encouragement. She leaned close and focused on him, her beautiful boy with his dark eyes and his deep brown hair. He looked just like his father, except for the faint freckles that dotted his nose and cheeks. She wondered if the new baby would look like him, or like her daughters with their reddish brown locks and their hazel eyes.

She felt the contraction coming to an end and she began to breathe normally again. Anson noticed the change and gave her a small smile.

"How are you doing?" he asked after she sighed.

"I'm alright," she said. "That last one was pretty long."

"63 seconds," he reported.

"You were counting?" she smiled as they began to walk again.

"Uh huh," he nodded eagerly. "Dad said I should keep track since you never remember too." 

That sounded very much like his father. Chakotay had been a little uneasy when Anson asked if he could walk her around the ship but Kathryn had said that it was fine. The Doctor had agreed and that had settled it.

"I think you are still in active labor," he continued, "not yet in transition, but you should probably go see the Doctor again real soon," he looked up at her for approval. "Is that right?"

She had to laugh at that. "It sounds right to me. Every birth is different. Things can go quickly or they can take quite a while. It is all up to this little one," she gingerly patted her rounded belly.

"Are you impatient for her to come?"

"Just a little," she admitted. "Are you?"

"Uh huh," he said. "Dad is going to stay with you the whole time, right?" Anson had been worrying about what would happen if she went into labor while Chakotay was on the bridge like he was now.

"Yes, he'll be there from start to finish," she assured him.

"And you'll call us as soon as we can come see her?"

"You will be the first to know."

"Even before Uncle Tom?"

"Way before Uncle Tom," Kathryn laughed as she said that. Of course, Tom would know before the kids as Tom was planning to help with the delivery. He, like the rest of the crew, were just as anxious as she was to meet the long-awaited fourth Janeway child.

"I like walking with you, Mom," Anson said quietly as they rounded the corner for home.

"I like walking with you too, kiddo."

 

###


	5. Maura

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The story of Kathryn Janeway and Tom Paris began long before New Zealand.

 

She wasn't sure who had suggested the name Maura first. She thought it had been Tom. His mother's name had been Maura and the name seemed like a fitting tribute to the family that had played such an important role in Kathryn's life. That, and Tom and B'Elanna had already used the name Owen for her godson, she smiled to herself.   
  
Maura Paris had been a firm believer in the theory that every Starfleet officer needed someone to come home to. She travelled up to the space docks to meet Owen's ships for every shore leave, holiday break and joyous return from a mission, always with a smile on her face. All the other spouses knew the Captain's wife and always knew that they could turn to her when something came up. When one of the junior officers received a last minute long weekend of shore leave, Maura stepped in to watch his two children so he and his wife could have a special vacation. Whenever someone had a baby, Maura was one of the first on the scene, cooking and cleaning and helping the new mother with whatever needed to be done so that they could spend all their time with the baby. And of course, Maura baked. Every new crewmember got a package of cookies or brownies when they received their orders. Kathryn used to call it "Sweets from Mrs. Paris to thicken your skin against Captain Paris." She could still remember the basket of warm peanut butter brownies that she found on her apartment doorstep moments after receiving her first commission on the Al-Batani.   
  
When Maura had died suddenly, the energy and passion that she used to send with Owen on his missions deserted him. Without someone to come back to, Owen began taking longer and longer Deep Space missions, rarely making it back to Earth. Tom had only been 17 then, dead-set on joining the Federation Naval Patrol, but the loss of his mother changed his mind.

Tom would never admit it but Kathryn knew the reason he had eventually decided on Starfleet was because he simply wanted to be close to his father. Without Maura as his anchor, Owen plunged headlong into the fleet and Tom felt that he had no other choice but to follow.

He had waited until he was visiting his father's ship to let him know of his decision. Owen was hosting a dinner for all his officers and by this time Kathryn was his second officer and chief of scientific research. The Captain had been particularly quiet all night, only occasionally muttering monosyllabic answers to the otherwise lively conversation. Tom on the other hand was animatedly talking with the other officers, making fast friends with them all. Of the senior staff, only Kathryn and the first officer had met Tom before. And only the two of them knew what Tom had planned.

He had found Kathryn earlier that day in her office overlooking the Galaxy-class ship's three stories of science labs. Without waiting for permission to enter, he had come in and casually flopped down on the nearest chair, propping his legs up on the coffee table. 

_ "And hello to you too, Mr. Paris," she had said with a bemused grin. _

_ "Hi Katie, how goes it?" he had asked. _

_ "Fine," she said, mildly amused.  _   
  
_ He'd only ever asked her how 'it' (her science work) once before and it had ended with him regretting it. From then on, he never asked her how anything was going with her. Something was up, she had thought. _

_ "You know my father's schedule, don't you?" he finally had asked. _

_ "Yes, all his senior officers do." _

_ "Is he doing anything important this evening?" _

_ "Just dinner with the senior staff. Why?" _

_ "Good, I can tell him then."  _   
  
_ He had hopped out of the chair and walked out the door. Kathryn had then dropped what she was doing and raced after him. _

_ "Tell him what, Tom?" she had asked, a puzzled expression on her face. _

_ "That I'm joining the fleet," he had grinned. _

_ "Are you serious? Congratulations!" she had stuck out her hand for him to shake but he just swept her up into a big hug. _

_ "Thanks, Katie. Now try and act surprised when I tell him later." _

She had been surprised but not by what Tom said but by what Owen said, or didn't say. When Tom finished, Owen had only nodded and said that it was about time. The table had fallen awkwardly silent at that point, with everyone else frozen as Owen continued to eat and Tom only stared. Kathryn had tried to give him a reassuring look but Tom only had eyes for his father.

After dinner, she found Tom alone in the flag quarters lying on his bed and tossing a ball against the ceiling and catching it with one fluid motion. She sat down on the corner of the bed without saying anything.

_ "He didn't even look at me," Tom finally said. _

_ "I know, kiddo. It wasn't you…" _

_ "Then what was it?" he sat up. "I thought he would be so proud that I was following in his footsteps but he doesn't care about me at all. All he cares about is this ship and his work." _

_ "Tom, I don't know what to say about how he reacted. I thought he would be happy too." She put her arm around his shoulders. "But the choices you make with your life can't be about him. It has to be what you want. And by god if you want to join us out here in the deep then I say, welcome aboard, Mr. Paris." _

She had spent the rest of the evening working on his academy application with him, discussing the captains who had already offered to sponsor shim and how he knew without a doubt that he wanted to be a pilot.

She had come to his graduation ceremony four years later with his father. The time had begun to soften Owen a little but he still missed Maura desperately. His relationship with his only son had suffered in the meantime. Just as Tom was heading out into space, Owen was transitioning to the admiralty. The fast-burning nature of Tom's short Starfleet career had only increased the distance between them. When Owen was finally rebuilding his life without Maura, Tom was taking up "permanent residency" in New Zealand.

Kathryn hadn't told Owen of her plan to get Tom back into the fleet. She knew he wouldn't want anything to do with it or worse, he'd think she was doing it as a favor to him. She wasn't of course. By the time she got her commission to Voyager, she didn't give a damn what Owen thought, only Admiral Paris.

Tom had balked at her suggestion at first. _"But I'm already doing a job. For the Federation."_ His taunt did little to mask his insecurity about returning to a ship as an officer. He was terrified, he later admitted, and certain that he would only screw things up. She assured him that she had complete confidence in him and if anyone had a problem with his working on the ship, they could take it up with her. She knew there would be problems but it didn't matter. Tom didn't belong in New Zealand anymore than she did, and she'd be damned if she didn't do everything in her power to get him on his feet again.

And it worked, she marveled now, looking at the officer who sat across from her. Tom had flourished on Voyager. What was only a temporary assignment for his piloting skills turned into a full commission when the conn officer and the helmsman were both killed. He jumped into the chair and didn't look back. After a few years, he started a training course to teach other crewmen how to pilot the ship and the shuttles. He championed the designing of a new shuttle class specifically for the Delta Quadrant and he built a whole new interface and operating system for the project. And of course, he fell in love.

Tom and B'Elanna's courtship was tumultuous, loud, occasionally violent and often on the point of collapse. But it worked. They loved each other dearly and Kathryn was thrilled when they came to her asking to be married. She said of course, so long as they did not mind a pregnant captain officiating their wedding. Anson was born a few months later. And it wasn't long before B'Elanna had come to her one day, very quiet and asking if it would be all right if she took restricted duty until the morning sickness passed.

Miral Kathryn Torres Paris was born a few months after Iva and Owen Edward Torres Paris arrived two years after that. Kathryn had been completely shocked and incredibly honored when Tom told her Miral's middle name and even more so when they asked if she and Chakotay would be godparents for the children. Tom and B'Elanna were Anson, Iva and Rory's godparents so for them it only seemed natural, but for Kathryn it was a very special honor.

And when she found out about baby #4, they warned Tom and B'Elanna that they would soon have another godchild running around. They were thrilled of course and immediately began suggesting baby names to go with Anson, Iva and Rory. That night at dinner, Tom had suggested Maura. Kathryn had been wondering about it but she wanted Tom's blessing on it. He had said of course, that he would love it if she named her daughter in honor of his mother.

They spent the rest of the evening coming up with more name ideas, like Lena, Amelia, Emma, Mackenzie, Callan and Asa. But she kept coming back to Maura. She loved the way the name sounded and she loved how it reminded her of a woman she loved dearly. But what was most important was that Tom and Chakotay had told her children that the baby was going to be named Maura if it was a girl. For the next eight months all the children talked about was "baby Maura, baby Maura." No matter how many times Kathryn corrected them that it was just "baby," the children were insistent. Well, she knew where they got their stubbornness.

Maura. She liked the name a lot. The entire family had settled on it too which was a minor miracle. She still had her list of boy names just in case and as Chakotay often reminded her, they still had that whole middle name thing to figure out. She would just shrug and tell him that they would figure it out with the little one got there. If she ever got there.

A sharp twinge brought her back to the present, where she sat patiently on a biobed, her large pregnant belly draped in a medical gown. Her husband stood beside her holding her hand in his and Tom sat nearby looking over his notes and conferring with the Doctor. Finally, he stood and walked over to her with a shy grin on his face.

"Okay, Katie," he said quietly, "It's time."

  
### 


	6. The Question

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One question kept coming up through the years.

He watched his wife as she closed her eyes and began focusing on her breathing. In and out, in and out, just like they had practiced. His eyes traced the monitors around the room watching the numbers fluctuate as the contractions came and went and increased in strength. He saw her heart rate as well as that of the baby that would soon leave the protection of her body.

A gentle squeeze on his hand brought him back to his wife who was now looking up at him. She looked calm, calmer than he was but she looked tired too. A monitor beeped and Kathryn moaned softly as the pain grew. "You are doing just fine, sweetheart," he said, brushing the hair away from her face. "This little one is going to be here before you know it."

***

The first time he asked her if she ever wanted to have children was a disaster or as near to it as could be. They had been talking as they shared breakfast one day, long before they had even acknowledged that they had feelings for one another. They had been eating, he remembered. Well, he had been eating. She had just been sipping her coffee and looking distracted. It was around the time Naomi was born and that milestone event had gotten them all thinking about what it would take to transform Voyager into a fully generational ship. Out of nowhere though, he asked her.

"Have you ever thought about having children?"

She nearly choked on her coffee. "W-What?" she sputtered.

"Have you ever thought about having children?" he repeated, slightly bemused at how completely caught off-guard she was. He took another bite of his rehydrated eggs.

"What kind of question is that?" she asked angrily.

"Captain, I didn't mean to overstep…"

"No, I'm sorry," she sighed. She thought about it for a moment. "I suppose I have. I thought at some point I would have children, preferably back on Earth with my family close by." She sighed. He hadn't expected that. He expected her to just brush off his question with the usual nonsense about captains not having lives, ever. "But I don't think like that anymore, Commander," her tone turned serious. "I've got far too many responsibilities on this ship to even consider bringing another life form into this situation." She almost smiled. "I mean, can you imagine me big and pregnant on the bridge facing down a hostile enemy?"

His face flushed and she saw it. "No, I suppose not," he said quietly.

"Anyways, I really don't have time for day dreaming, Commander. I've got a ship to get home. Excuse me." She left quickly, leaving him alone with his meal. He threw his fork down and put his head in his hands.

It was only much, much later that she had told him that as soon as she left the room, she fell back against the wall and clasped her hand over her mouth to keep from crying. She had been completely caught unaware by his question and really was not willing to admit that she had been thinking about children a lot lately, and how she would love to hold her own child in her arms, and now how she felt certain that the Delta Quadrant had smashed all her hopes and dreams about starting a family. His question had struck deeper than he would ever know and in that moment, she hated him for it. She hated how he could even think about such things as normal as family while their ship was stranded half a galaxy from home. Of course he could marry and have children, but at the time, she was certain she would not. And it hurt her deeply.

***

The second time he brought it up they were lying together in the hammocks they built on New Earth, swinging gently in the warm breeze. He didn't actually bring it up. He had mentioned that he would be building an addition onto their home just in case they ever needed it. It was Kathryn that had jumped to conclusions. And when she brought it up, he was just as shocked as she had been only months before.

"You know, you never answered for yourself," she said.

"About what?"

"You asked me if I wanted children, but I never got the chance to ask you the same thing."

"I suppose you didn't"

"So…" she asked, almost shyly, "do you want children someday?"

"Oh yes," he didn't hesitate.

"Even though we are out here?" He wasn't sure if she meant the Delta Quadrant in general or there on New Earth. It didn't matter to him though. He wanted to have a family and he told her as much.

"So you'd want to start a family with me?" she asked quietly.

He thought for a moment. "Yes I would. And not because you are the only other human for miles around."

She laughed. "Do you have feelings for me?" she raised an eyebrow.

"Maybe." He raised an eyebrow back.

"Hmmm," she tried to hide her smile. Her skin flushed and he swore she that she looked pleased.

"You are enjoying this, aren't you" he said. "Watching me professing my undying devotion to you and our future children on the spot." She giggled at his melodramatic tones. "Yes, I like you. I think I love you, Kathryn and I think you know that." He paused. "Say something."

"I like you too," she said quietly.

"I knew it," he grinned. "And you want to have children, don't you?"

"Yes, I do." She bit her lip and then smiled. "I want them to have your sense of humor too." She leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. He was stunned. It was the first time they had kissed or touched in an intimate way. She got out of her hammock and went inside, leaving him dumbfounded.

***

The third time they really spoke about it, after they had gotten back to Voyager and started their relationship and not too long after he had proposed, it was his fiancé that brought up their favorite topic. They were lounging in her quarters; her curled up against his shoulder, him with his legs stretched out against their old New Earth Coffee table. It was their usual position after a long day of work, though most nights they each had a PADD in their hands and were going over the pages and pages of reports that the daily operation of a starship generated. That night though, they were exhausted. The PADDs were still there, only that night they were piled high on the table waiting for the caffeine to kick in. Kathryn leaned close to her fiancé and sighed.

"I want a big family."

He smiled. "That wasn't what I was expecting."

"Oh really?" she said. "What did you have in mind?"

"I thought you would say how you couldn't possibly imagine how we could handle all of our work and care for a baby at the same time."

"No," she smiled. "Come hell or high water, we'll raise our children on this starship. My siblings were the most important people in my world growing up and I want our kids to have those same close relationships. I want them to be each other's best friends."

"Sounds like a plan to me," he kissed her on the head. "Just out of curiosity, how many children are we talking about?"

She grinned mischievously. "I don't have a set number. Maybe four, maybe eight."

"Well then, we'd better get started."

***

"I take it back! No kids, no pregnancies, none of this!" Kathryn was lying on the couch, her feet up against the armrest, a cool washcloth draped over her eyes. She held one hand across her face and the other hung limply down to the floor. She felt awful. She had never felt so awful in her life. She groaned; even thinking about it made her feel worse. She swallowed shakily.

"I mean it, Chakotay. If this is what it takes then I think one will just have to be enough!" He came into the living room carrying a glass of water with a straw and some salt crackers. He sat down on the couch next to her and she draped her legs across him.

"Have some water," he handed her the glass. "The Doc says you need to stay hydrated." She sipped slowly, testing to see if the water would go down. It did. It felt cool and soothing. She visibly relaxed and he gave her a look that seemed to say, "I told you so." He handed her a couple of crackers next. She nibbled on them gingerly. The salt felt good after the crisp water and she reached over for the reach of the crackers.

"Hand those miracle things over. I'm starving." She ate a couple more as he laughed.

"No wonder," he murmured. "I doubt you have anything left in your system anymore." He gently rubbed her belly where a small, small round bump was beginning to form. She sighed contentedly. She hadn't gone on duty that day. She hadn't felt much like leaving the bed for the couch, never mind commanding a ship. The Doctor had told them that everything she was feeling was normal, but it still didn't change the fact that she just wanted to curl up in a ball and wake up when it was all over. She hadn't expected it to be like this. She thought pregnancy would be filled with glowing mothers, serene and beautiful as their bodies changed. So far, all she felt was sick, sneezy and exhausted.

She sighed again. "Sorry for snapping at you. I'm not used to feeling … so … so helpless!"

"You are doing just fine, darling."

"I didn't mean it, you know, about not having other children."

"I know."

"I'm just terrified."

"That's okay. Me too."

"You're terrified?" she lifted the cloth from her forehead.

"Sure, all this is new. I've never been a father before. I've never had a pregnant wife before." Her hands joined his slowly rubbing circles on her stomach to soothe it. "It doesn't mean that I'm not excited to meet the little guy."

"He really is in there, isn't he?"

"Yes, he is. And you are still certain it's a boy?" he asked.

"Call it a mother's intuition. The two of us are getting to know each other very well." She sniffed as a tickle crept into her nose. Not again, she thought, wondering if she had a little Bajoran blood in her. The tickle passed without causing a sneezing fit. Good, she thought.

"I can't believe it, though. We are going to be parents, Chakotay." She almost whispered, as if afraid to acknowledge it.

He smiled and kissed her on the forehead.

***

The next time they really talked about having children seriously was when she was heavily pregnant with their third child. They were back on the couch again, still covered with reports that at least one of them, probably him since she was on maternity leave, would have to read before they turned in for the night. But now they had a four year old and a five year old curled up asleep on either side of their parents. Anson, his dark brown hair falling into his eyes, rested his head on his mother's thigh. He had been listening to the baby and it was only when he stopped announcing every movement he felt that she realized that he had fallen asleep. She was now stroking his hair absently as she watching her husband. Their daughter's lighter hair had been pulled loosely into two long braids and her tiny feet were stretched out on top of her father's. Chakotay sighed. Eventually, he would have to get up and carry the kids to their beds. Kathryn was far too pregnant to even attempt to lift the four-year-old sleeping deadweight known as Iva Janeway and Anson wasn't much easier. But for now, they just sat quietly, enjoying the feeling of having their whole family together.

"Have you ever thought about making this permanent?" she asked in a hushed tone.

He almost laughed out loud. "No thanks, I've already got a ring."

"That is not what I meant and you know it," she whispered. "Have you ever thought about what things would be like if you took over the Captaincy and I stayed home full-time with the kids? It would be like it is when I'm pregnant, I mean really pregnant. Like now. I like it."

"I like you being pregnant too," he gently rubbed her belly and was rewarded by a soft kick from his unborn daughter. They weren't sure if this one was a girl; well, Kathryn was. Having had one of each she said made her uniquely qualified to know that this one was in fact a girl. He didn't doubt her. She had been right so far.

"You didn't answer my question."

"About you being a stay-at-home mom?

"A girl can dream, can't she?"

"A girl can dream that she will be pregnant and barefoot for the rest of her days?" he rolled his eyes.

"Point made," she smiled. "I do like it though, being able to spend each day with the kids, actually cook dinner…"

"… well, that I could learn to live without," he whispered. She slapped him playfully.

"Take care of my husband…"

"I know what you mean though. Sometimes I wish we lead normal lives and that our kids could grow up in a world where their parents weren't always the most important people in any room they walked into."

"And then?"

"And then I remember how much I love you and this ship and how much you love this ship. And, of course, how much you complained during your first maternity leave. I could never take all this away from you. This is your ship. And the kids," he stood up to scoop Iva up into his arms, "they love it here too. How could they not? They're our kids."

She smiled as he gently carried their daughter back to her room. Anson stirred a little in his sleep but she didn't wake him. A time would come soon enough when the attention of the family would be focused on the new baby and any special time her son got in his father's arms, even if he was half asleep, was special.

Chakotay came back and hoisted Anson up into his arms. Kathryn stood up too, slowly with her arms braced, one on the armrest of the couch and the other on her belly as she moved. She groaned softly as her back ached under the strain.

"Still want to have more of them?" her husband raised an eyebrow.

"Let's wait until I actually give birth to this one before making any rash decisions." She wrapped her arms around her belly, holding it protectively. "I do like this though."

"You're nesting, Katie."

She crossed her arms and pretended to frown at him.

"Come on, let's go to bed while they’re all still asleep for a change."

***

By the time their 4th pregnancy came around, they didn't have time for long conversations about the future. She had been feeling a little queasy one morning. She told him she thought she was pregnant again. He said okay and smiled. They went to the Doctor to confirm it later that afternoon and they told the kids that evening. And that was that.

"Hey," his wife said, raising a hand to trace his tattoo across his forehead. "You looked like you were light-years away."

He smiled. "I was just thinking. Remembering."

"Tom says it's almost time to push."

"Are you ready?"

She squeezed his hand tightly and smiled.

 

###


	7. Throw Pillows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> throw pil·low - noun  
> a small decorative pillow placed on a chair or couch.

"Keep breathing, Katie. You are doing just fine." His voice sounded faded and distant, but his face was close to hers. She looked at him closely, her eyes tracing the handsome shape of his cheek, his jaw, his brow, his eyes. She wanted the baby to have his eyes.

The pain subsided for a moment and she remembered where she was. She leaned back against the pillow that he had tucked into her hospital bag.

***

It was finally happening. They were moving in together. It had only made sense, really. He had been staying at her place for months and most of his stuff had already migrated from his quarters down the hall to hers. Or at least she had thought it was most of his stuff. It seemed that there was more. She hadn't realized how sparse her own room was; a couple of photos, some books, that microscope she swore should have fallen and broken by now. She hadn't "decorated" before they left. She didn't see the need. It was her ship but somehow bringing all her personal belongings on board seemed to threaten the delicate balance she had created between the captain and Kathryn.

Even when it was abundantly clear that Voyager was not going to be going home anytime soon and her quarters became her private refuge in the midst of the most challenging experience of her life, she still left things plain and simple.  _ Maybe, _ she always thought,  _ if I don't unpack the boxes, we will still be able to make it home. _ That logic had lasted quite a while. Until her first officer told her that if she couldn't demonstrate through her choices in furniture that she had accepted their fate then no one on her crew would be able to accept it either.

So she got a couch

Well, "got" would probably be the wrong word. She repurposed it from the private dining hall that had been "occupied" by a kitchen. To some, it was just another piece of furniture in the room, but for her, it represented a significant shift in her ability to make the ship her home for the foreseeable future. She had realized, after a couple of evenings sitting apart from each other in the two standard issue armchairs, that she and Chakotay would need another type of chair if their relationship were to continue. It was silly. He would scoop her up in his arms and they would curl up in one of the armchairs, him laughing and her muttering about spilled coffee and not being able to get anything done. The couch was perfect. They spent every evening cuddled together on that couch, working or trying to work. Sometimes they would just talk. Like last night when he had said that it was probably time that they make all this official and free up his quarters for that extra storage bay the supply chiefs had been begging for.

Now he walked back through the doorway carrying what looked like four overstuffed small pillows.

"What are those things?" she asked, staring at them critically.

"These are throw pillows."

"Throw pillows?"

"I'm sure you've heard of them."

"I'm sure I haven't," she said frowning.

He sat down on the couch next to her and handed her one of the pillows. "They are like extra pillows that you use as decoration or extra comfort on a bed or couch."

She looked at the thing as if it were a leola root. "Why do you have them?"

"Because we have a couch and a bed."

"I don't think we are going to need them," she handed the offending object back to him.

"Just you wait."

***

It had started off simple enough, she thought. She had looked skeptically at the pillows but he kept finding uses for them. When she fell asleep on the couch, he would rest her head against one until he carried her to bed. When her headaches returned, he would prop her feet up on one. He had stashed a few in her ready room and always kept one on the bed and the couch. She would just raise an eyebrow at him, but always take the small gesture of comfort with a smile. But nothing could have prepared her for the myriad of uses he found for the small pillows when she got pregnant.

She sighed and rubbed her neck. He noticed the gesture and gave her a concerned look. "I think my knots are getting knots again."

"Do you want a shoulder rub?" he asked, putting down his papers.

She grinned. She had been hoping he would say that. "Yes please."

He handed her a pillow. "Here, put this in your lap."

"What?"

"This way, you can lean forward without squishing the baby. It will help release some of the tension."

"If you say so," she took the pillow and eased her body forward slowly.

"Just try it." She felt his warm hands on her shoulders and sighed, waves of relaxation washing over her almost instantly. She hadn't realized how tired she was or how sore her body, her whole body was, from the new weight it was carrying. She closed her eyes.

"Do you remember the first time you let me do this?" he asked softly.

"How could I forget?" she murmured into the pillow. "I could have jumped you right then and there."

He laughed at her sleepiness. "I'm sure."

"And if I had," she continued, "I would have been pregnant then and not now."

"And we probably still would be exhausted. Probably even more so."

"You are no fun, darling," she said.

"There," he smoothed his hands across her shoulders. "Does that feel any better?"

"Much, thank you." She leaned against his shoulder, cradling the pillow to her growing belly.

***

"This is all your fault! Ahhhchooo!" she sneezed.

"How is this my fault?"

"Give me a minute." She waved her hands in front of her face, trying to fend off another sneeze that was building up. It stopped and she frowned, frustrated. "This," she gestured to her ever expanding belly, "this is your fault." She blew her nose.

He thought about it but figured it would be best not to argue that it takes two to tango. "Okay," he said.

"And the cold," the sneeze caught up with her. "Haatchooo! I'm not sure but somehow it is your… ahh..ahhh..ahhaa.. CHOOOO!" she sneezed violently. She flopped down on the couch angrily.

He sat down next to her and stroked her hair. "You know, you are kind of adorable when you sneeze. You almost look helpless and desperate. Not at all like a starship captain."

She threw a pillow at him.

"You really should take the day off."

"You really… achoo! Achoo! Achoo!" she couldn't finish her sentence. Things had not been going well for her this morning. First there was all the sneezing. And even when she wasn't sneezing there was this incessant tickle in her nose. She had then realized with much chagrin that her maternity uniform no longer closed over her baby bump. Her husband had kissed her and told her that that was just fine and they could replicate a new one. She had just scowled at him and sneezed.

Her husband picked up a PADD and casually began reading it. "I know," he said, answering the retort that she had never gotten out. "I really should go tell the Doctor about your sneezing fits. I really should go tell Neelix to alert the crew that the Captain has a very bad cold. I really should go buy more throw pillows."

One of the aforementioned objects pounded him square in the chest.

"Now you know why they call them throw pillows," she sniffed. "I had to replicate a new uniform today," she pouted.

"I know. I saw the casualty on the floor."

"The damn thing must have shrunk."

"Come on, Katie," he hoisted her up into a standing position. "With any luck, I'll get it next and you'll be able to force me to go to sickbay and relax all you like."

She glared at him as they walked out the door and sneezed.

***

"Daddy? Why don't you have a last name?" Chakotay opened his eyes to see his daughter's bright blue eyes very close to his. He glanced at the clock by his bed. 05:30. Iva was perched on the bed in between where her parents were sleeping. No, where her parents were trying to sleep, he sighed.

"Iva," he started, "Why are you…?"

"Anson says you don't have a last name." Figures her brother's know-it-all tendencies would be responsible for this.

"Anson is right," he said.

Another child jumped on the bed, landing heavily on his father's legs. "I told you! I told you he doesn't have a last name!"

"Guys, it is five thirty in the morning. Why are you even awake?" he muttered.

"Couldn't sleep," Anson said as Iva shook hers in agreement.

"And you thought I couldn't either?"

"Mama always says that if you have a question you should ask it."

"Iva, that is true but not at this hour," he rolled over and tried to go back to sleep. His two children laid down on either side of him.

"So why don't you have a last name?" Anson asked.

Chakotay realized that he probably was done sleeping for the day. He sighed and sat up. "Because my father didn't have a last name to give to me. And his father didn't have one to give to him. Your grandfather's people only have one name that everyone knows them by." He looked from his son's eager face to his daughter's more cautious one. "Does that make sense?"

"Why do we have last names?" Iva asked looking a bit confused.

"Because your mama has a beautiful last name and we wanted you both to have it."

"But usually kids have their dad's last names," Anson frowned.

"Sometimes, but not always," he shrugged.

"Will the new baby have our last name?" Iva asked. Chakotay looked over at his wife who was just barely showing and saw that she was holding a throw pillow over her ears, trying in vain to sleep just a bit longer.

"Yes, the new baby will have the same last name as you two and Mama."

"Could you have our last name?" Anson asked. "I mean, if you wanted to?"

"I suppose I could. But wouldn't that make things confusing with so many Janeways on board?" His daughter giggled but his son looked to be thinking over the possibility. "Come on, let’s let Mama sleep just a bit more before Janeway number three comes around," he scooped Iva up in his arms. "Why don't you two go get dressed and then we will start on breakfast." He watched as they both left the bedroom then turned back to his wife.

"Kathryn?" he asked softly.

"I have finally figured out what these things are for," she said, her voice muffled by the small pillow.

He leaned over to kiss her on the forehead. "I'm glad."

***

"Iva, how much longer will this take?" Kathryn asked as her seven-year-old reached for the hairbrush. For years, Kathryn had been braiding her little girls' hair every night before bed and now Iva was learning how to braid as well. She needed someone to practice on though and her little sister flat out refused to let her practice on her long reddish brown hair. The only person Rory Janeway would let come near her with a hairbrush was her mother. When Kathryn was away on missions or diplomatic visits, Chakotay simply let Rory run around with a messy tangle of curls because it was so much easier than pinning her down with a hair tie. Rory didn't even like to sit still while her mother pulled her hair into one French braid or on a lucky today like today, two. Kathryn didn't mind the fact that she had such a small window of opportunity to style her daughter's hair; usually, within five minutes, those reddish brown locks had slipped out of the careful plaits as the four-year old ran, jumped and hung upside down.

Kathryn leaned back against the pillows she had piled by the couch as Iva began running the wooden hairbrush through her mother's long red hair. Kathryn could barely remember the last time she cut it. She thought a moment. It must have been after her wedding. She had chopped her long locks to her shoulders for a more practical hairstyle but then Anson came along and with each passing year she seemed to forget about practicality. Usually she swept it up into a ponytail or quick braid for work, but some days she just left it down with a clip holding part of it back. It was those days that Iva always asked to play with her hair. Tonight, she wasn't sure what she was getting into.

"Be patient, Mama," Iva said as she began to work, gently pulling strands together in an intricate pattern.

Rory sat in her mother's lap, clutching a pillow and spellbound by Iva's quick fingers. Every now and then she would reach up and touch her own braids before snuggling back into her mother's arms. Now she looked up at her mother and said softly, "yeah, Mama. Be patient."

"That is easy for you to say," Kathryn kissed the little girl on the head with a smile as Iva continued to braid. Kathryn smoothed Rory's flyaway curls and snuggled closer to her daughter.

"There," Iva said as she tied off the braid. "What do you think?" She handed her mother a small handheld mirror and Kathryn looked to see what her daughter had done. Instead of one plain braid, Iva had pulled her hair into a gently curving plait that started on the left side of her head and wound its way down to her right shoulder. It looked beautiful.

"Oh Iva, it's lovely! How did you learn how to do that?" Kathryn asked, beaming with pride.

"I read it in a book." Of course, Kathryn thought.

"I don't know, Rory," Kathryn said as she turned to her youngest daughter. "I think Iva should take over the braiding from now on." She watched as Rory reached a hand up to feel the braid in her mother's hair.

"Mmmm…" Rory sighed. "Maybe." Kathryn almost laughed. Rory had mastered "yes" and "no" very quickly but she was just now understanding "maybe" and its meaning. It was her new favorite word and her answer to just about everything.

"I like Iva's braids," Kathryn said. "Thank you very much," she reached her arm out to squeeze her older daughter's hand, pulling her into a warm hug. "I love both my girls so much." She gave them each a kiss on the check. "My brilliant, talented, beautiful girls."

"Now," she said, raising off their pile of pillows, "it's time to get ready for bed. Your father will be home soon and he'll come tuck you in, okay? Brush teeth, change into pajamas and put today's clothes in the hamper. And if either of you or your brother," she glanced to where Anson was sitting, reading on the couch, oblivious to all that was going on outside his book, "run the toothbrush under the water to make it look like you brushed your teeth when you really didn't, I'll have to call security to investigate." The girls skipped off to their bedroom, well, Iva skipping and Rory chasing and Kathryn gently tossed one of the pillows from the floor at her son. "You too, kiddo. You can read in bed until Dad gets home." Anson got up and started heading for his room, his head buried in the book. She watched to make sure he didn't slam into any walls.

Slowly, she began to tidy up the living room. The hairbrush and comb and an assortment of ribbons and fasteners littered the floor where Iva had been laying before her mother asked if she wanted to braid her hair. She stooped down to collect them all, collecting all the ribbons in a basket, picking up the pillows last of all.

An arm reached around her as she stood up. "Hey there," her husband smiled as he gave her a quick kiss.

"Hey," she said softly, handing him pillow as he helped her straighten up. "Everything okay on the bridge?" she asked.

"All quiet," he said. "And down here?"

"Everyone is getting reading for bed and waiting for you to come tuck them in.

"Someone playing hair salon tonight?" he looked at the basket of ribbons. She nodded. "And is this one of our darling daughter's newest creations?" he touched her long braid.

"Do you like it? I think it is a very nice one."

"Very practical," he laughed. He loved her hair long. He had told her that he would love her no matter what her hair looked like but he had been sad when she went into her practical hair phase. He ran his hand along the braid again. She yawned.

"I'm exhausted," she said. "Are you sure there wasn't anything that happened in beta shift that I need to know about?"

"Do you want to hear about a fluctuating replicator that keeps making bad food on Deck 11 or the fact that all the engineers are petitioning that we install a pool table on the upper level?" he gave her a look.

"Do they have anything to do with coffee or the ability to this ship to continue functioning?"

"Nope."

"Then I suppose it can wait until tomorrow," she sighed.

"That's my girl."

***

"That's it, just a few seconds more," Tom said as he watched her push. "Okay, good job, Kathryn. She's almost here."

She felt her husband's hand resting gently on her back, between the pillow and her surgical gown. She looked at him, at his sweet smiling face and grinned. "Ready?" she asked almost shyly.

"Ready." He gave her hand a squeeze as she began pushing again.

 

### 


	8. Worrying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She couldn't remember the first time he called her Katie.

Kathryn didn't like to admit it, but she was a worrier. She worried about her ship, her crew, her husband and most often her children. She worried that she wouldn't be able to be the kind of parent they deserved. She worried that they would grow up to resent her and hate that their mother was always being called up to the bridge. She worried that they would grow up too quickly and that she would regret not spending more time with them.

And right now, she worried that she wouldn't be able to give birth to this baby.

***

Kathryn sat in the ready room and wanted to cry. This was it. They had just confirmed it that afternoon. The Starship Voyager was officially in Borg Space.

She had known that this day would come, known it as soon as everyone realized what part of the galaxy their ship had suddenly been tossed to. But somewhere deep inside she had been hoping that it would never happen, that they would find a way back home long before she ever had to consider the fact that they were in the most hostile, dangerous part of space a Federation starship could possibly be. But that wasn't to be. It had started off slowly, rumors from trading partners about a robotic race that left destruction in their wake. Then they had found the remains of several Borg drones on a deserted planet. And then the attack. But today was worse.

She had wanted to scream when she saw the confirmation on the navigational charts. She panicked. Every bone and muscle inside her screamed at her to turn the ship around and get out of there as soon as humanly possible. But she couldn't. Home was their goal. And home was through the heart of Borg Space.

Something was wrong with her, she thought. She had faced the Borg before; her ship had been savagely attacked and she had nearly lost her life. Her husband had only told her that story a couple of months before.

_ They had been sitting like this the entire night; Kathryn, her slender form hidden under a bulky sweatshirt of his, sat with her legs drawn up under her and her head gently resting on his shoulder as she read. Every now and then he would hear her make a little noise to herself as she made a notation on her report, but mostly she was silent and focused. He sat next to her, his legs resting up on the old coffee table he had built for them on New Earth. A computer sat in his lap as he tried to focus on what he was reading. It wasn't easy. Unlike his wife who had the latest reports on the construction of their new shuttle, he had a manifest of food stores to review. As if they didn't have enough leola roots already. _

_ He sighed and switched off the computer. "Katie, I'm going to turn in," he said stretching his arms and feeling the stiff muscles pull against him. _

_ His wife didn't look up. "Hmmm?" she murmured as she readjusted her position on the couch since her headrest had decided to move. _

_ "I'm going to bed, Katie, and I think you should too." _

_ A yawn escaped her as she stacked the PADDs on the table. "I suppose so," she paused, thinking. "Chakotay?" _

_ "Yeah?" _

_ "When did you start calling me "Katie"?" she asked. _

_ He smiled. "Officially, when your mother told me I should." _

_ She looked puzzled at that. "And unofficially?" _

_ "The night I sat with you in sickbay after our first Borg attack." He stood up and walked into the bedroom. Kathryn stood and followed him quietly, a look of concern playing across her features. She didn't remember much about that night, only what she had heard afterwards. She'd been trapped on the bridge during the attack and had been knocked out and badly burned before the rescue teams could get to her. It had been Chakotay who found her and who had carried her in his arms to sickbay. He was just her first officer then, she remembered, before New Earth and before they had fallen in love. _

_ "You stayed with me the whole night, didn't you?" she said. _

_ He turned to see her standing in the doorway, looking at him intently. "Yes," he finally said. "Yes I did. You were in pretty rough shape that night. The Doctor poured a liter of blood into you and god knows what sorts of drugs before starting the surgery. He wanted me out of there but I absolutely refused to leave you. So I scrubbed in and I held your hand as the Doctor worked. You were in surgery for nearly six hours. By the end of it, we didn't know if you were going to live or die. _

_ "The Doctor pulled me aside and told me that you would probably not wake up until the morning, if ever. If you made it through the night, he said, you'd live. So I stayed. I sat next to you and I talked to you all night long." _

_ Kathryn bit her lip as she watched her husband relive that horrible night. He saw her eyes glistening and he reached out a hand to her. Gratefully, she took it and fell into his arms as silent tears fell down her face. He held her tightly. _

_ "Do you know what I said to you, while we sat there?" he asked. _

_ She shook her head no. _

_ "I said, 'Goddammit, Katie, if you die now I'll never forgive you!'" Kathryn felt herself laugh through the tears. He continued, "I told you over and over how I couldn't command this ship without you and how wonderful a person you were. I kept saying, 'For gods' sake, live Katie!' over and over and over until I knew you heard me." _

_ "And I did," she said softly. _

_ "Yes you did. Do you want to know why I called you Katie that night?" _

_ "Yes I do," she admitted. _

_ "Well, so do I," a slow grin spread across his face. "I don't know why I did it. It just felt like the right thing to say at the time. As you laid there on that biobed, with tubes and wires covering your body, all I thought was that you were mine and I was yours, and that I would never let you go. _

_ "When the Doctor left for the triage center we had built in the mess hall, I started having actual conversations with you as if you were awake, right there with me. I told you how much I had enjoyed spending time on New Earth with you, getting to know Kathryn not the Captain. I told you how sometimes I had wished we had stayed there and that I had built the boat and you had finished the loom and we had your garden in the summer, and that I had always hoped that we would one day get to build a nursery on to the cabin." He held her hands tightly in his, as he looked deep into her eyes. "I told you that I loved you, Katie, and that I always would." He sighed. _

_ "You woke up right after I said that, you know," he said smiling. "You had a look on your face as soon as you opened your eyes like you wanted to say something, something to me, but you just stared. Once we knew you were in stable condition, the Doctor forced me to go home and to sleep, lest I take up permanent residency in his office," he laughed at that and Kathryn could just imagine that battle of wills. _

_ "I had no idea that you've been calling me Katie that long," she said as she raised a hand to trace his tattoo. "I had always just thought you had heard someone say it once and that you liked it." _

_ "That did happen too," he said. "Your mother wrote me a letter right after we made transmission contact with Earth, about the time we got engaged. The letter was titled, "Call Her Katie, Already." He grinned. "She seemed to think that you needed to hear it." _

_ Kathryn smiled. "She was right. I like it when you call me Katie." _

_ "I like it too." _

The attack had been a horrible experience that had left everyone on the ship badly shaken. This was worse though. Now she was pregnant.

She had thought of all the dangerous situations that she had faced in her life. Of course she had been scared but now there was another life involved, someone whose very existence was intricately linked with hers. Whatever she faced, her baby faced too and it was that thought that terrified her more than anything else.

She had been so excited when she found out she was pregnant. Everyone was. This would be the first child born and conceived on Voyager and to top it all off, it was the Captain and First Officer's baby. The crew had already thrown them two baby showers and were planning a third for when she went on maternity leave. That was only a few weeks away. She glanced at her desk and spotted one of the gifts from her senior officers, a book about how to tell if you were having a boy or a girl. There were lots of silly tricks inside it, like holding a watch over your belly to see which direction it swung, analyzing what types of food you craved and counting the number of times you sneezed. There were more practical types too, like looking at the way an expectant mother carried herself and gained baby weight. Her absolute favorite method was on the back page of the book. Tom Paris had written, "Go get a medical tricorder and put us all out of our misery!" They had all laughed at that but tonight Kathryn couldn't help but wonder if she should follow his advice. What if something were to happen to her and she lost the baby? She wanted to meet this child, she wanted to know him and she was terrified that because of the Borg, she might never have that opportunity.

The door to the Ready Room swished open and Kathryn looked up to see her husband standing in the doorway.

"Hi," he said softly, coming over to sit with her on the couch. "You've been off the bridge for sometime. I just wanted to make sure…" He looked at her face. "Oh Katie, what's wrong?"

"I can't do this!" a sob burst out of her and the tears started running down her cheeks. "I can't. I just can't."

He held her tightly in his arms, stroking her hair. "Shhhhh," he whispered, "It's okay."

"No! It's not okay! I'm pregnant in the most dangerous part of the universe! Something could happen. Again! What if it did? What if I was trapped on the bridge, just like before, only now…" her hands fell to her swollen belly. "Oh gods, Chakotay, what have we done?"

He held her shoulders firmly and looked into her eyes. "Kathryn, listen to me. This is going to be okay. The baby is going to be just fine and so are you. We learned our lesson with that first cube. Darling, that was almost two years ago and we haven't had an encounter since. We have learned a lot since then too. This ship is stronger and safer than her designers ever could have imagined. And it's all because of you."

"All of this is because of me!" she choked out. "All of this! Being suck in this godforsaken quadrant, thinking we could start a family…"

"We are not going to do this. Not now. You are spiraling, Katie." He held her hands tightly. "You and I, together, made all of those decisions. I knew what I was getting into when I destroyed my ship and I certainly knew what I was getting into when we decided to get married. This is part of our job, our life out here. To face uncertain danger. It is going to happen, no matter where we are. Racing home or trying to find a secret way home or back on New Earth. The Borg would find us. That is just the way of things."

"But then what is the point?" she asked angrily.

"Because we cannot simply surrender our lives because we know danger is out there. This isn't a suicide mission. We have to keep fighting back because more often than not we get lucky. Like how I got lucky that of all the ships, I got you. Like how you fell in love with me the way I did nearly the first moment I saw you. And like how we are able to have a baby. A beautiful, healthy baby who is going to be just fine." He brushed a strand of hair out of her face and wiped away her tears with his thumb.

"Do you think I should resign?" she asked so quietly he could barely hear.

"What? Of course not! Why…?"

"Because I think I should, Chakotay. I don't think I can make the choices I need to make to protect this crew and this ship without thinking of this little one." She took both his hands in hers and pressed them against her growing belly. "I mean, for gods' sake, I won't even go down with this ship!"

"That's okay, you know," he sighed. "Actually, people aren't supposed to do that sort of thing anymore." He almost laughed.

"Oh gods, I'm a wreck!" she said shakily. "I can't help but worry about all these things, it's like they are just whirling around in my head until they come bursting forth like this," she sighed. "It would be so much easier to just step down and let you handle this voyage of the damned."

"So I can come home at night and tell you how worried I am that I might get this ship blown up and kill my pregnant wife?" Now he laughed. "It doesn't matter who sits in that chair anymore. The decisions that need to be made on this ship aren't like any other in the fleet. Everyone from Tuvok down to little Naomi will be worried about keeping everyone on this ship alive, no matter the cost. And that includes you, regardless of if you are pregnant or not."

He held her face in his hands. "You are doing phenomenally in all this, Katie. I can't tell you how impressed I am with your strength and your courage. But you are allowed to be scared. Every captain is. What we are doing and where we are is absolutely terrifying and yes even more so because you're knocked up." This got a giggle out of his wife. "I trust you, Kathryn Janeway. If you want to take the long way around Borg Space, I trust you. I know that you will make the right decisions for this ship and this crew and for our family. And when you reach 32 weeks, I'll take over the chair on the right and I'll stay there as long as you need me too."

"You mean it?"

"Yes," he kissed her on the forehead. "I mean it. If you decide to resign and stay home with the baby I'll stand by you. If you decide that you want to turn the ship around and crash it into the nearest habitable world, I'll stand by you. And if you want to switch chairs for the foreseeable future, I'll stand by you. Or sit by you." She laughed. "It doesn't matter to me, so long as I'm with you."

She smiled at him gratefully. When they had decided that she would take maternity leave at 32 weeks and that he would become acting captain, she had expected that he would be the one in need of reassurance that he could handle the job. She knew he could. She had known it for as long as she had known him. Maybe he would worry about it later. But that was for another time.

"They never tell you about this stuff in command school," she sighed. "They say, 'oh sure you can have a family and captain your ship, just don't call us when your water breaks and you are facing down a Borg Armada!'"

"Funny, I don't remember that particular lecture," he laughed. "And you are not going into labor on the bridge. I've got 30 replicator rations on this room right here and with your cravings we are going to need every last one we can get."

She gave him a grin and then looked at him seriously again. "I'm sorry for panicking."

"Blame the hormones, and no need to apologize. I signed up for this, remember?" his fingers tapped her wedding band.

They sat together for a long time, neither one of them wanting to face the reports that they would need to read, the tactical and strategic plans they would have to create and the battle drills they would have to practice. For now, they just sat with their hands on her belly, feeling their unborn child and protecting him from whatever they might find tomorrow.

***

"I can't…" she gasped.

"You can."

"Chakotay, I …"

"One more, Katie, that's all."

 

###


	9. She's Finally Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The three becomes four.

Kathryn gazed lovingly into the eyes of her tiny newborn daughter. Every now and then, the baby would open her bright blue eyes and gaze up at her mother, before closing them again and drifting back into sleep. She was a beautiful baby, just like her sisters and brother had been. She was perfect, the Doctor had pronounced, 6 lbs 11oz with a full head of pale brown hair. Maura Janeway was three hours old.

After spending a little time alone with the new baby, she and Chakotay had decided that it was time to introduce her to her siblings. He had left about 10 minutes ago and she was expecting him back any moment, with three very excited children in tow. She looked down at the baby and smiled. "There are whole lot of people who are very anxious to meet you, little one," she whispered. Maura reached a tiny hand out of her blanket and grasped Kathryn's fingers. In the effort, she shrugged off the little hat that one of the biologists had made, exposing her tiny pink ears. When the baby was born, her ears had been folded forward, closed and almost touching her cheeks. Slowly though, the ears unfolded and opened up like a butterfly testing its wings before its first flight. Kathryn reached gently down and delicately stroked one of the perfect little ears. Maura gurgled a little and turned towards the touch of her mother.

The sickbay doors opened and Anson and Iva walked in slowly, both in their pajamas, Anson in a pair of flannel pants and a Starfleet academy shirt several sizes too big and Iva in a short pale nightgown and leggings. Together they made their way over to the biobed as their father came in, carrying their little sister in his arms.

"Guys," Chakotay said, "come meet your new baby sister," he called, beckoning them over. Everyone crowded around so that they could see a better view.

"She's so tiny!" Iva said softly.

Kathryn reached a hand out to cup her oldest daughter's cheek. "You were once this tiny, you know. Here, hop up on the bed with me." Anson and Iva climbed up on either side of her, resting their heads on her shoulders as they gazed at the baby.

"What's her name?" Anson finally asked. Chakotay looked at Kathryn but she shook her head. It was his turn to announce the name.

"Her name is Maura. Maura Elizabeth Janeway," he said proudly.

"Maura," Anson said trying it out. "I knew it. I knew you had to go with Maura."

"Ever since you three started calling her that when she was in your mother's belly. I don't think we had a choice," Chakotay jokingly frowned at his daughter in his arms. "What do you think, Rory? Little fishy baby is here."

Rory was silent, clutching her Flotter and holding on to her father very tightly. Anson and Iva, on the other hand, were already enchanted by their new little sister.

"When will she open her eyes?" Iva asked. "When will she be coming home? Is she going to cry a lot like Rory did?"

"Slow down, Iva," her father chided.

"She will be coming home tomorrow. The baby and I have to spend tonight in sickbay just in case. And yes, Iva, she'll cry. All babies cry," Kathryn explained. "And if you watch her for a little while, she might just open her eyes. She has the same color eyes as you."

"Really?" Iva beamed.

"Really. She is your sister. She is going to look a lot like you when she gets older. You'll see."

"If she cries, can we send her back?" Rory finally spoke up. Her parents laughed.

"No sweetheart," Chakotay kissed her on the head. "The baby is here to stay."

Rory didn't seem to like that idea.

"It's alright, Rory," her brother said, trying to comfort her. "When you were a baby, you screamed so much I asked if we could give you away and get a quieter baby."

"No!" Rory giggled.

"It's true!" her brother insisted. "When you were a toddler, I put out an ad offering to sell you."

His mother looked at him quizzically. "I never heard about that one."

"Uncle Tom made me promise never to do it again and he wouldn't tell."

"Is that so?" Kathryn looked up at her husband and grinned.

Iva stifled a yawn and Rory started rubbing her eyes.

"Okay guys," their father said. "You've got two choices. Since Mama and I have to stay with baby Maura in sickbay, you can either have Neelix come over or a sleep over at Tom and B'Elanna's..."

Immediately, all three kids said, "Tom and B'Elanna's!" Neelix may have been a favorite babysitter of Naomi's but the prospect of a sleep over with Owen and Miral was a special treat.

"Alright, let’s go home and get packed," Chakotay called. "It's almost bedtime. Kiss your Mama goodnight."

Kathryn turned to give Anson and Iva a hug and a kiss as they scurried out the door. Chakotay leaned down so Rory could reach her mother. "Good night, my baby," Kathryn said as she kissed Rory on the forehead. "I'll see you in the morning."

 

### 


	10. Injuries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He should have known he was in trouble when he saw her standing in the doorway.

"Dad?" Iva poked her head in the doorway furtively.

"Hey kiddo," her father gave her a tired smile from the bed.

"Mama said you were resting."

"Trying to," he said. "Did you guys just get home?"

Iva nodded, leaning up against the doorframe and tracing a pattern on the floor with her foot. "Mama said you hurt your leg."

Chakotay rolled his eyes at that and sighed. The way Kathryn put it, it sounded like he had stubbed his toe instead of getting his leg crushed when one of the shuttles crashed into the cargo bay. Luckily, he had been the only one seriously hurt. The Doctor had fitted him with a metal brace that extended from hip to heel and gave him several doses of bone knitters but it still didn't change the fact that he had three fractures in his leg. And a very ticked-off wife. Maybe that was why she had minimized the severity of the accident to their eldest daughter. He groaned inwardly; or maybe his wife didn't want to burden their nine year old with all the details of her father's dangerous accident.

"Yeah, Iva. I hurt my leg pretty bad," he finally said.

"And you have to wear that brace for a couple of days?"

"Until my bones heal yes."

Iva stopped her distracted movements. "Does it hurt?"

"Yes it does."

"Did you cry?" she asked quietly.

"No but I did yell."

"Did you say grown-up words?"

"Maybe." He patted the bed next to where he was resting. "C'mere. I'm all right, Iva. Really." His daughter hopped up on the bed and studied him closely.

"You don't look all right," she said after inspecting him. "Your face is all bruised and you have puffy spots under your eyes."

"A bulkhead crashed into me when we were trying to get the shuttle under control."

"Mama said you shouldn't have gone down there."

"Oh really?" Chakotay looked up to see his wife in the doorway, just as their daughter had been, the baby in her arms. "What else did Mama say?" he smiled.

"She said that if she had been on duty they would have used a tractor beam and not tried to steer a broken shuttle through a storage bay door," Iva said, eyeing her mother cautiously.

"Did you tell your mother that a tractor beam would have overloaded the engines and caused an explosion that would have been even more dangerous?"

Iva shook her head. "She said you didn't have to go down there to help."

He wasn't looking at Iva anymore. "I know, Iva, I know. But they needed help down there, so I went. I think Mama was just afraid that something would happen to me."

"Something did," his daughter reminded him as she pointed at his leg. "Your leg got smooshed."

"Is that the technical term for it, Dr. Janeway?" he laughed as she giggled. "Smooshed?"

"Smashed!" Iva said as she leaned her head against his shoulder.

"Iva, I know Mama is worried about me," he glanced at Kathryn and saw a tear escape her eyes. "That is what moms do. But you don't need to worry, okay? I'll be back to having two legs in no time." He kissed her on the head.

"In the meantime, I get to sit here and relax with you until your mother remembers that the reason she came in here was to hand me the baby so she can deal with the mountain of paperwork I am currently neglecting."

"I wouldn't call it 'neglecting'" Kathryn said with a smile. "More like medically not approved to even attempt to do it."

"One of the perks of being smooshed," he told Iva.

"Here," Kathryn walked into the room and placed their four month old daughter in his arms. "I think the two of you could both use a nap," she reached over to smooth his rumpled hair. "What do you say, Iva?" Want to go do your homework while I do Daddy's job and mine?" she smiled.

"Want to or have to?" Iva frowned.

"Go on, and get your brother too. I'll be out in a moment," Kathryn assured her. "Let's let Dad rest a little longer."

"Thanks for stopping by," he gave her another quick kiss on the head before she hopped down and skipped out of the room. He looked down at the baby in his arms. Maura was contently sucking her pacifier looking up at him with her bright eyes. He reached a finger to lovingly stroke her cheek. Finally he looked up.

Kathryn was pacing around the room. She had unzipped her uniform coat and he could see how her grey tunic clung to her slim figure. Seeing her like that made it hard to believe that only four months earlier her belly had been full and round, carrying the tiny little girl he held in his arms.

"Did Iva just about cover it?" he asked quietly.

She turned to face him, a sad smile on her face. "Oh Chakotay." She sat down on the side of the bed, her hands reaching out to touch her youngest daughter's. "I thought…" she choked on the words.

"I know."

"You shouldn't have done it."

"I know."

"If you ever do something that stupid again…" she trailed off as her voice died in her throat. "All these years, you sat here and you worried about me. Through every attack, through every away mission, every single time I stubbornly put myself at risk, you told me not to and then you watched as I did it anyway."

"You did the same thing for me," he said quietly.

"Somehow, this was different. Now I know I could never be a civilian spouse. Forces they can't even see control so much of their world. An admiral adjusting fleet positions, a new development along the neutral zone. They have to live with the consequences of someone else's choices only they don't know about it until after." She wiped the tears from her cheeks. "They didn't tell me about the shuttle until you were already in sickbay."

"I know. I told them not to."

"If I had ordered you to go that would have been different. If you had disobeyed my command to stay on the bridge, that would have been different. But … this time, I wasn't…"

"Katie, it wasn't like that. It was a foolish decision made in a nanosecond without all the facts in front of us. I did what I thought I could to bring our boys home safe. And thank the gods it worked."

"Yes it did. You did good, darling." She rose and picked up a stack of PADDs from the nightstand. "You'll be all right with her?" she asked.

"We'll be fine.

 

###


	11. Redecorating

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It would always be their Ready Room.

"Ready? 1... 2… 3… lift," he called as they moved the desk back into its old place near the back of the room. He looked up at his wife, her cheeks flushed and her long hair falling out of the clip at the back of her head. She looked exhausted and he probably didn't look much better. "Want to take a break?" he offered. She nodded gratefully and they both practically fell onto the couch, her head automatically resting against his shoulder.

He didn't think either one had really taken a moment to sit down all day. They had been rushing all over the ship, trying to get the transition ready for the morning. It wasn't just a transition of command, he realized, but for their whole family. Their older kids had gotten used to having their mother home with them during the day and their father up on the bridge. Now with Kathryn going back on duty, everyone's schedules were being slightly disrupted. The first few weeks he knew would be rough. He had been through it three times before. It was when Kathryn came back to work after Rory that Iva had tried to run away three times in one afternoon – and probably would have kept at it – until Tom Paris sat her down and explained that you can't really "run off" a starship.

Rearranging things like who would pick up the kids in the afternoon (Kathryn) and who would make dinner in the evening (most definitely not Kathryn) was always a challenge but rearranging the ready room after each of his tenures as acting captain had become a bit of a ritual for them. Of course they could have called in a couple of officers to help with the heavy lifting but somehow, moving everything back to the way that she liked it was a more rewarding and physical way to mark the transition.

The first time he became acting captain, he hadn't wanted to move anything around. It was her office, he felt and she would be back to work before long. Who was he to mess things up? He knew she didn't like change; even as her husband, he knew not to change anything in their quarters lest she complain or worse, run smack into it if it was a piece of furniture. Besides, it hadn't felt right to him to change anything. But Kathryn didn't think about it that way.

_ "For the next six months this is going to be your ship," she said, folding her arms across her burgeoning belly. "I don't want to be looming over every decision you make because you still think of this as my ready room." She nodded towards her old microscope on the desk. _

_ "Having your microscope in here will make me feel loomed over?" he asked. She gave him a glare that he had learned long ago to take seriously. "Fine," he muttered. "You know, I've always wanted to move your desk closer to the doorway." _

_ "Now you can," Kathryn said encouragingly. _

_ "And I think we should put some baby things in here, just in case." He glanced at her rounded form. _

_ "That sounds good to me." _

_ "And I think I'm going to take out the replicator. I never really liked coffee." _

_ "Watch it, Mister," Kathryn warned with mock seriousness. _

_ He gazed at her intently, holding her hands in his and then taking a quick look around the room. Kathryn followed his eyes with her own. "But you're sure about this?" he asked. _

_ "Yes I am," she said, reassuringly. "Besides, it'll make it so much more fun for me when I get to come back and redecorate." A pregnant Kathryn was a nesting Kathryn. _

So he had put a couple of photos up, and an old map of the Earth, and for a couple months, a crib had been set up over by the couch where he spent many a night rocking their newborn son to sleep while he gave his wife a much needed break. And in time, he learned to think of the room as his own. It became his refuge and his sanctuary. It became something special that he shared with his wife alone, a room where he could make all the decisions he needed for the ship and it's crew. He spent his late nights sitting at that desk reading report after report before heading back to his family in their quarters. It was the first place he went each morning and the last place he checked each evening. And every now and then, he called it his.

The room's previous owner, on the other hand, seemed to find herself back inside it on more than one occasion, very few of which had to deal with actually coming to see her husband. Chakotay began to see that for Kathryn, this room wasn't just her office; it was her connection to the ship and her crew. It was how she took their pulse each day and where she derived her strength and fortitude. Keeping Kathryn away from her ready room was like keeping an Andorian spider moth away from a light; one way or another they would find each other. He shouldn't have been surprised every time he opened the door to find her inside, but somehow he always was.

There had been one time when he had been having a particularly trying day up on the bridge. The sensor array had blown out, again. Ever since a comment had been made that astrophysics hadn't been using all of their time with the dish, department heads had been swarming Harry Kim to get additional usage hours. Harry had been forced to draw up a new schedule so no minute of precious "dish time" was wasted. This had meant that the array had been operating at full power for 154 consecutive hours, thus the reason it had blown out.

Chakotay had been too preoccupied with the array and with falling crew moral so he had made his way to the ready room hoping for a moment to gather his thoughts. 

_ He entered the office and stopped. The room was completely torn apart as if someone had turned off the gravity generators then turned them on a moment later. Papers littered the floor, several photos lay scattered across his desk, and even a chair had been tipped over. In the middle of all this stood his very pregnant wife, a guilty look on her face, her hands braced behind her on the desk as she slowly eased herself down to the floor in an attempt to retrieve a report she had dropped. A smile spread across Chakotay's face. _

_ He rushed over, stopping to pick up the report and helped his wife up, leading her to an unharmed chair where she sat, biting her lip as she looked around the room. _

_ "Redecorating?" he asked. _

_ "Waiting for you," she said. _

_ "And reading a briefing on thruster efficiency?" he picked up the report and glanced at it, mentally adding it to his growing list. _

_ "I thought I'd just look and see…" she stopped. "Then it fell and I tried to get it, but…" she smiled, her hands resting on her belly, "… and I think you can guess the rest." _

_ "Why didn't you tell me you were here?" he asked. _

_ "I didn't want to disturb you." _

_ "Kathryn…" _

_ "I know, I know." _

_ "You could have fallen. You could have hurt your head or the baby." He sighed. _

_ "I didn't mean for any of this to happen. I just wanted to stay in the loop. I want to know how this ship is doing, how our crew is doing." _

_ "So you decided to read a thruster report?" _

_ "It was the one on the top," she laughed, as he shook his head. _

Now it was time to switch it all back again. Maura was six months old now and Kathryn was coming back to work. He was glad for the help. Knowing that his wife was by his side sharing the burden of commanding this ship made it all worth it. Over the years, they had evolved from having a strict separation between their two roles to a more fluid and flexible collaboration. Kathryn would say they were a team, the crew would say they were partners, and he would just shrug and say they were married.

"You lowered my chair again," Kathryn said, startling him out of his reverie.

"Yes I did," he said, unapologetically. "I always do because you always have it raised so high that my head is practically scraping the ceiling."

She frowned at him. "Have you ever thought that maybe you are just too tall for this ship?"

"Have you ever thought that maybe you too short?" he threw back before his face broke into a smile. "I suppose that is why you used to wear those boots." She laughed and he sat down on the desk facing her. She picked up one of the pictures that he had placed near her lamp.

"Can I keep this one?" she asked.

He nodded. That was another thing that had become more fluid, whose stuff was whose in this room. After Anson was born, she had decided to keep the old map hanging up on the wall next to her charted map of the Federation. He left it there during her pregnancy with Iva and then went on to bring several of the throw pillows from their living room in for the couch. Kathryn had taken those back immediately but eventually relented, bringing them back and putting up her own collection of holophotos from shore leave and crew holidays. Chakotay had been adding to the group with each pregnancy. Kathryn was now holding his most recent addition, a new photo of all four of their children sitting together on the couch, Anson in the middle with Maura sitting on his lap and Iva and Rory on either side. Kathryn had given him the photo as a father's day gift; she had taken it one afternoon when he was stuck on the bridge. They had another copy back in their quarters but this one was now part of their ready room.

"I like it in here now," Kathryn sighed quietly.

"I'm glad."

"I mean I didn't not like it before but now it feels less like every other ship and more like ours."

"Katie," he said, "it's been ours for nearly 12 years."

"I know, but for a while, it felt like I was just a custodian holding everything together until…" she stopped and looked up.

"Until we got home again?" he finished. She nodded. "But then it became our home."

"I thought that it had finally happened after Anson and Iva, but I don't think I've ever fully given up hope that we will make it home," she shook her head.

"I know," he said taking her hand in his.

"It's hard to learn to love the place you are when you are desperately searching to be somewhere else."

"It's a balance," he sighed, "like everything is in our lives nowadays. Loving this ship, our crew, this room, all of it doesn't mean that we haven't stopped loving Earth any less."

She looked at him thoughtfully for a moment then smiled. "You just say the word and you can have this chair and this desk for good. I'll stay home with the kids," she reached up to give him a kiss on the cheek.

"Oh no you don't. I've waited six months for my turn not to be on call anymore."

"Darn, foiled again," she sighed dramatically.

He held her tightly in his arms as he looked around the room once more. The desk was back where it was supposed to be. A rocking chair now stood where the crib once had been. The microscope was proudly displayed front and center. It was her room again. He had a feeling that it wouldn't be long before it was his again, but for now he was happy the way things were. He had a wife and four children and probably the best job on the entire ship.

"I'm glad you're back."

 

###


	12. Cooking With The Kids

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What do you get for a woman who can break a replicator just by looking at it?

"Iva, are you sure this is what she wanted us to make?" Chakotay said as he looked over to the sink where his daughter was washing a large pile of asparagus.

"I asked her if she could have any meal in the entire universe what would it be and she said asparagus and hollandaise sauce," Iva said exasperatedly. "Trust me, Dad, she's gonna love this."

He certainly hoped so. It was their anniversary after all and he had decided to let the kids help him plan the surprise for their mother. They were going to prepare a big family meal, clean their quarters and then head over to the babysitter's so their parents could have a little time to themselves. Ever since the baby was born, it seemed as though one-on-one time was in incredibly short demand. One of them always had a kid in their arms or was rushing off to work with a quick kiss and a promise to talk later. He supposed he didn't really mind it. They both thrived on chaos, he thought. How else could they survive raising four children on a starship? But every now and then, he missed being able to just spend time with his wife like they used to. Or like he remembered they used to. Truth be told, even without the children, he and Kathryn were absolutely terrible at taking time off to relax. That was why tonight was going to be so special.

He had gotten Kathryn out of their quarters relatively easily, just by rearranging their duty shifts so that he was home with the kids. He had brought the older kids in on the plan early on. Iva had even done the recon to see what sort of menu they should plan. She and her older brother were pretty handy in the kitchen it turned out. They dutifully chopped vegetables, tossed the salad, set the table, and continually reminded him of how much time they had left until their mother returned. He frowned. Two hours and thirty-six minutes. They could probably finish everything in time. Probably.

He had just come back from checking on his youngest daughter who had gone down for her nap after the excitement of raiding the airponics bay. Hopefully, she would continue to sleep until dinnertime, Chakotay thought. He had enough to deal with in the kitchen as it was.

His middle daughter at age five was too old for a nap and too young to truly help out. Rory therefore was helping in the only way she knew how: by watching him from her perch on the counter. She wanted to do everything that the older ones did, especially if it meant using knives and the stove. She had been whining loudly for the past thirty minutes about how she never got to do anything, or go anywhere, or make anything. Never mind the fact that she had helped him in the airponics bay when they harvested all the asparagus they could find. He glanced back at Iva. He hoped no one else would get a craving for asparagus anytime soon.

Together they had finally settled on a complete menu, although Iva had argued that her mother really didn't want anything besides asparagus. Chakotay had tried to explain that asparagus itself wasn't enough for a complete meal, but Iva had countered that if "Mama had wanted anything else, she would have said so." He couldn't argue with that, but he for one could not survive on asparagus alone. So a compromise had been struck. Voyager had recently acquired several cases of a fish that tasted remarkably like salmon so he had asked Neelix for a few filets and some of their homegrown couscous. Desert they had all decided to replicate. Ice cream was just one of the many things that didn't have a Delta Quadrant substitute. He had a feeling that if Kathryn heard "better than ice cream substitute" she might bust him down to ensign.

"Look, Daddy! Anson says I'm ready to cook now!" He turned to see Rory who had hopped down from the counter and was now wearing a soup pot on her head like a hat. She had an oversized apron tied around her waist and huge rubber gloves stretched past her elbows. She was grinning proudly.

"Anson! What did you do?" He couldn't help but laugh as Rory clanked over to the living room, picking up unused pots and pans along the way. Anson smiled as he stood by the stove stirring one of the few pots remaining that hadn't been drafted into hat service.

"You wanted her occupied…" he shrugged mischievously.

"This isn't exactly what I had in mind. If she drops one of those pots on the ground, someone small and loud is going to wake up and then we'll all be in trouble."

"You can't cook with a baby in your arms?" Anson asked. "I've seen Mom do it all the time."

He studied his son closely. "Anson, let's get one thing clear. What your mother does in the kitchen should never be called cooking. It is a barely managed catastrophe."

That was another thing that would make tonight special; Kathryn didn't have to go near a replicator. He loved his wife and was continually amazed at her ability to tackle and overcome challenges but she was the first person to admit that cooking was never one of her strong suits. His sister-in-law had warned him about that the first time they ever got to see each other in one of those rare trans-galactic calls. She had explained that it was a miracle Kathryn had survived on her own and under no circumstances should he expect her ever to stop destroying replicators. He had laughed at that, remembering one of his first dinners with Kathryn back when he was just her first officer.

_ "Good evening, Captain," he said formally as he entered her quarters. He had been thinking about this dinner for most of the afternoon, wondering what he should expect. Would they talk about work as they sipped sythohol? Or would they make polite small-talk about one of the variety of topics that they had yet to discover they had in common? He had a feeling it was going to be an uncomfortable evening. _

_ He appreciated her effort though. It couldn't have been easy for her, he thought, to work with him the way they were now forced to. Neither one of them had actually thought of blending the crews. It had just sort of happened after they began to realize what situation they were now in. She needed a first officer. He was conveniently unemployed. She needed to repair her ship. He had some damn good engineers. She needed to put down a rebellion amongst his people. He, despite his recent behavior, was a peacemaker. She wanted him to wear a Starfleet uniform. He refused. Yes, things had not gotten off to a good start. _

_ Now that their very survival was secure, at least for the next couple of weeks, he had the opportunity to get to know his new commanding officer a little better. She was brilliant. She was witty and kind, a strong leader and a quick thinker. He began to enjoy working with her, getting to know her and learn from her. After simple conversations with her, he found himself rereading Starfleet regulations and scientific journals in an effort to keep up with her. Not impress her, he told himself. She had rekindled the spirit in him that had driven him to sign up in the first place. _

_ And she was beautiful. _

_ Kathryn Janeway looked up from the floor where she sat amidst a sea of electrical components. She looked flushed, her hair falling out of a clip, and she almost groaned when she saw him. _

_ "Is it 1800 already? I could have sworn that you weren't going to be here for another hour at least." She gave him a tired grin. "Come in, Commander. Have a seat. Dinner, I'm afraid, is going to be late." _

_ "Oh?" he said. He had almost forgotten about the food portion of the evening. "Nothing serious, I hope." _

_ "Well, that depends on this … this… glorified toaster," she said, gesturing at the parts on the floor. "This used to be a replicator. A very nice one in fact. Did you know that they had just recently upgraded the Starfleet replicators before we left dry-dock? Top of the line food converters. Tastes just like the real thing, everyone said." She gave him a glare. "They were wrong." _

_ He couldn't help but laugh. "What exactly happened?" _

_ "I have no idea. One minute I was programing in what I wanted to make you for dinner and the next it started beeping and smoking and replicated this." She handed him a plate of something that may or may not have been spaghetti. Maybe, he thought as he tried to examine it. _

_ "Wow," he finally said. _

_ "Wow indeed." _

_ "Why didn't you call down to engineering?" he asked. _

_ She shrugged. "I thought it was something simple that I could fix before you got here. Apparently, I was wrong." She glanced back down at the pieces of the replicator as if they were a wounded enemy that she had defeated in combat. _

_ "Why don't we head over to my place for dinner? My replicator usually gets the job done," he said before he realized what he had done. _

_ "That sounds like a wonderful idea," she flashed him a genuine smile. "I'm sorry about all this, I really am. I was never very good in the kitchen." _

_ "Well then, you are in luck," he said as he began to feel more comfortable. "As it happens, I've been known to cook a meal or two." She laughed and he held out his arm to her. She took it and they walked next door, leaving her replicator scattered across the floor. _

They had just put the salmon in the oven and set the asparagus to marinate when he looked up to see his wife standing in the doorway watching him intently.

"How long have you been standing there?" he asked.

"Only a few minutes," she admitted. "What's all this?"

"Happy Anniversary!" Rory cried with a loud clang. Chakotay winced. Kathryn only laughed and reached down to pick their daughter up in her arms. "We made you dinner, Mama!"

"You did?" Kathryn said in awe, catching his gaze over the head of their daughter. Chakotay watched as his children took turns explaining to their mother all the work they had put into the evening. Finally she set Rory down with a muffled clang and turned to him.

"We didn't expect you home for a couple more hours," he said, glancing around the kitchen. It looked like a tornado had gone through.

"It turns out you weren't the only one making plans for our anniversary," she said with a smile. "Tuvok sent me home early so that we could have a little more time together." He pulled her into his arms and she gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. "So, what is on the menu?"

"Well, we at Chez Janeway specialize in our fresh asparagus."

"Is that what I see steaming over there?" Kathryn pointed to the large pot on the stove that was threatening to boil over.

"Oh no... Iva!" He rushed over and turned off the stove, moving the pot over to one of the unused burners.

"Whoops. Sorry Dad!" Iva called from the living room.

"It looks like my assistants have all abandoned me. Want to lend a hand?" he asked.

"Are you sure that is wise?" she raised an eyebrow.

"I think we'll manage. Do you want a glass of cider?"

"Hmm? No thank you," she said quickly.

He smiled as he watched her get right to work, following his instructions exactly. Well, it wasn't exactly what he had in mind but it would have to do.

"Happy Anniversary, my darling. Thank you for 10 wonderful years."

###


	13. New Additions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A quick exchange in "Caretaker" inspired this.

"Is everyone all settled in?" she asked as her husband came into the living room.

"Yes, and it looks like Tom and B'Elanna are actually going to get them to bed at a reasonable hour," he said as he sat down next to her on the couch.

"I can't remember the last time it was this quiet in here," she said softly as if it would disturb the peace that had settled over their home. The dishes had been cleaned, most of the pots had been returned to the kitchen or else hidden somewhere high enough that their five year old could not reach, and, for once, the hallway wasn't littered with shoes. Kathryn leaned her head against her husband's shoulder and sighed.

"Tired?" he asked.

"Mmm hmm," she murmured.

"It couldn't have been the synthehol. You hardly touched your cider."

She sat up a little straighter at that. She had been hoping he wouldn't notice, but after going through this four times over her husband was more than observant. She had worried about bringing it up tonight, now that they finally had some time alone together. Not when they had their first night in months without an infant or a toddler in their arms. Not when he had gone to all this trouble.

But it didn't matter.

"Katie…" he began, studying her closely.

"Chakotay, I have something to tell you," she began, her eyes focused on his. "When I told you today that Tuvok relieved me of duty a little earlier than scheduled because it was our anniversary, I wasn't exactly…"

He looked at her expectantly. "What?"

"I wasn't feeling well. Hadn't been feeling well for a while really…"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't really think anything of it until this afternoon when I started to think that it might be something else." She bit her lip and looked away. That wasn't exactly true either. She had been thinking about it a lot recently, but she just hadn't had the right moment to bring it up. He reached a hand out to hers and held it encouragingly. "I went to the Doctor today."

"And?"

"And I was right."

"You're pregnant?" His face broke into a smile and he wrapped his arm around her shoulder, squeezing her tightly.

She grinned and nodded. "Wait," she murmured as he leaned down to kiss her on the forehead. "There's more."

"Kathryn, how could there possibly be…"

"It's twins."

She watched his jaw nearly drop to the floor. "Oh my gods."

"Numbers five and six."

"Twins." He shook his head in disbelief but Kathryn could tell how happy he was. They had been thinking about another baby, wanting to have another one close in age to Maura just like Iva was so close in age to Anson. They hadn't exactly been trying this time though.

"Happy Anniversary!" She gave him a lopsided grin.

"I love you so much right now."

"Just wait until the third trimester. If you thought the last four were rough," she stopped and shook her head. "I'm going to be the size of a house!"

"You are going to be beautiful, like you always are," he said, resting his hand gently on her still flat belly. "Kathryn, this is wonderful! How did you manage not to say anything all throughout dinner?" She smiled at that. She had never found out that she was pregnant without him right next to her before. They had always gone together to sickbay. The first time he had nearly dragged her. The last time she had pulled him along after a long day on the bridge. She felt almost guilty knowing that their family would soon be growing before her husband did, but she needed to confirm her suspicions as soon as possible.

She had wished he had been there when the Doctor showed her the two little heartbeats on his tricorder. She could have used his strong arms to keep her steady on her feet. As it was, the Doctor had to help her to the nearest biobed before she fainted. She couldn't believe it. She still couldn't believe it. She had known that twins ran in her family, her mother was a twin after all, but after four children all born in single pregnancies, she had almost forgotten all about it.

But there had been something different about this one. She had known that from the first moment she had suspected she might be pregnant. It had been almost a week ago. She had tried to tell Chakotay but as they were lying in bed, each one of them trying to wait a little longer before beginning their day, two of their children had bounded in and leaped up on to the bed. Within moments, Chakotay, with the same energy and enthusiasm of their children, had both his daughters swept up in his arms and was carrying them out to the living room. As the girls began asking their father what he would be doing up on the bridge today, Kathryn tried to push her worries out of her mind. She was probably just under the weather. One of the kids had had a cold a few days earlier and she was probably coming down with the same thing. Either that or she was pregnant with twins, she thought before she realized what had happened. The thought had popped into her mind from out of the blue but from that moment on some part of her had just known that it was twins.

She hadn't had time to go to sickbay, she told herself each time she put her head down and suffered through the nausea. It would pass, she knew, it would pass. Unless she was pregnant with twins. The thought lingered at the back of her mind constantly. But that was impossible, she repeated over and over to herself.

It was only this afternoon when Tuvok told her ever so bluntly that she looked awful that she realized it was time to go to Sickbay. And for all the doubts and random thoughts in her head that had convinced her she was pregnant with twins, it was still so much of a shock that she had demanded to see the test results herself.

She looked up at her husband and smiled. "I was going to tell you as soon as I got home but there were little ears nearby. I'm not exactly ready to let the whole crew know that I'm pregnant again."

"They do have a habit of getting the news out there quickly," he nodded in agreement. "Should we wait for a couple more weeks before we break the news to them?" he asked.

"You don't mind?" she asked softly. "It's not that I don't want them to know, but so much could go wrong this time around and it is still so early and…" She looked up and saw him shaking his head. "Of course you don't mind, do you?"

"Whatever you want to do is perfect for me." He tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and smoothed back her long locks. "Kathryn, how far along are you?"

"Eight weeks."

"Eight weeks?" He looked astonished. "We're slipping, Katie. One of us usually figures this sort of thing out within the first month!"

"Well, this time things were a little different." She leaned her head against his shoulder again, burying her face in his neck. "Are you alright with all of this?"

"All right? Kathryn, I'm thrilled beyond belief!"

"Good," she admitted, "Because I'm terrified."

He smiled and pressed his forehead to hers. "One day at a time, my darling. One day at a time."

 

### 


	14. B'Elanna

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There wasn't anyone who knew Chakotay the way B'Elanna did.

A tool kit clattered to the floor, sending spanner and tuners everywhere. "Oh gods damn it! Someone get that cleaned up!"

Chakotay raised an eyebrow as he watched the scene unfold in engineering. Teams were everywhere, clad in repair jumpsuits, practically climbing over the core as they began the repairs. Deputies were running back and forth between monitoring stations, trying to keep track of everything that was going on. And in the middle of it all was B'Elanna Torres, calling out orders like there was no tomorrow.

Chakotay caught the attention of her deputy chief. "Hey Joe, what is going on down here?" he asked.

"Monthly scrub down," Joe said as he checked a few readouts. "I'm reading a phase flux over here," he called out.

"It's nothing," one of the specialists called down from the second story.

"If it isn't…" Joe muttered under his breath before turning back to the XO. "Sorry about that. We only get full shutdown time once in a few months and the Chief wanted us to take advantage of it. What's up?"

"Actually, I have a question for the Chief." Well, he thought to himself, it wasn't really a question. He wanted to talk with her, just for a minute. For the last fifteen years, B'Elanna had been his closest friend, the first one to know about anything that was bothering him. Even after marrying Kathryn, he still confided in B'Elanna whenever he needed a sounding board or a neutral party. Most of the time she just listened and gave him odd looks at the sorts of things that he chose to worry about. Other times, she would tell him that whatever it was, he was being stupid and should just deal with it. And every now and then she would smile. He had a feeling this was going to be one of those times.

Joe shrugged. "Fire when ready."

***

"When was the last time you slept, old man?" B'Elanna handed him a cup of coffee and sat down. The mess hall was almost entirely deserted, but Chakotay didn't notice until he looked up to realize that she was waiting for him to respond.

"What? Maybe back when we were in the Alpha Quadrant."

She punched him in the shoulder. "It is too soon for that kind of stuff and you know it. What's wrong?"

He ran his hand through his hair. "Where do I begin? I don't have a ship anymore. We don't have a ship. We are quasi-prisoners but it turns out that none of us have any chance of returning home within our lifetimes. We are stuck out here and the only way we are going to survive is through the help of a Starfleet crew."

"Is that really what you believe?" she studied his face for a moment.

"She wants to integrate the crews."

"Captain Janeway?"

"Yes. She told me that if we choose to stay with her ship that she is going to start finding places for my people within her ranks," he sighed.

"Shit."

"No kidding," he muttered.

"What are you going to do?" she asked.

"What do you think I'm going to do, Lanna? I mean, what choice do we have?"

"No way," she shook her head. "I am not going back to Starfleet. Not after everything we've been through, everything we've been fighting for out there. She can't expect us to drop everything and pick up exactly where we left off."

"That is exactly what she expects."

"You can't do this. You can't go along with her."

"And what do you suggest I do instead?" he gave her a look. "Ask her to just keep us onboard as our own kind? Drop us on the nearest habitable planet? Buy a ship with what money we don't have? Our options for independent survival disappeared the moment we got here. What we are facing, what they are facing is more than anyone of us can handle on our own. They need us. I mean, have you seen their engine room lately? It looks like a landmine went off down there. They need you. They need the skills and abilities we can offer."

"We aren't going to go along with this," she stood up to leave. "No one, I mean, no one wants to go back to that kind of life. What has happened to you in the last 72 hours? You can't just give up, not after everything we've been through."

"What has happened to me?" he slammed his hands on the table. "I'll tell you. My ship was destroyed, my crew decimated, and the only person offering a solution that makes any sense at all is a Starfleet captain. How do you think that makes me feel? It makes me feel crazy, like every single thing I have been fighting for over the last five years is nothing. Freedom fighters are worthless out here. We don't need suicide bombers and hunger strikers. We need good people who can fix a ship and fight back before we are completely wiped out. This isn't what I wanted but it was the hand we were dealt."

"So you've made up your mind?" she asked quietly.

"Lanna, we don't have any other choice."

***

"You like her."

"I do not."

"Yes you do. I saw the way you were looking at her, Chakotay. You like her."

"Fine," he sighed. "I like her."

B'Elanna laughed. "Oh boy, old man, are you in trouble now."

***

B'Elanna shook her head in disbelief. "A watch? You're giving her a watch?"

"Why not?"

"For her birthday?"

"What's wrong with a watch?" he folded his arms across his chest.

"Nothing," B'Elanna said as she turned back to her repairs. "Except that she's not an old man retiring."

"Too formal?"

B'Elanna set down her tools for a moment. "Look, Chakotay, were you ever dropped on your head as a child?"

He frowned. "That far off?"

"She's a lady."

"She's not like any lady I've ever met."

"And how much experience do you have with that?" she gave him a look and as she motioned for him to hand her the tricorder.

"Fine. What do you suggest?" he said, handing her the scanner.

"As an appropriate gift for Captain Janeway?"

"Yes," he said exasperatedly.

"Something that will convey your deep respect, yet secret love of a wildly talented and unpredictable woman who…"

"B'Elanna!"

"Flowers for starters," she said.

"She likes flowers?" he asked surprised.

She gave him a funny look. "You really were dropped on your head, weren't you? Of course she likes flowers! Have you ever taken the time to look around her ready room or were you too distracted by its owner?"

"So flowers. And…?" he said, choosing to ignore her sarcasm for once.

"She likes books, home cooked meals, I mean you've seen her with a replicator," the Chief Engineer shook her head disparagingly.

He nodded, beginning to follow along. "And some freshly brewed coffee?"

"Now you're talking."

***

"Look, fly boy," B'Elanna glared at Tom across the briefing table. "What the hell are you doing in my engineering briefing? Last time I checked, your current form of punishment was medic duty."

"I'm trying to broaden my horizons, that's all." Tom had a smug grin on his face as he stared down the Chief Engineer.

"Do you even know the first thing about warp theory?" B'Elanna looked at her deputies and shift leaders for support. The other officers were trying to hide their smiles as the pilot prepared to get whooped by the chief.

"Of course I do," he tried to act confident. "I know all about warp theory. Like warp and its theory." The crew burst into laughter.

"All right, Tom. We've all had our fun. Get out."

"No, I'm serious. I don't know anything about warp theory. That's why I'm here. Call it work study."

"I'll call it a waste of my time," B'Elanna said.

"Please? I've got to get out of sickbay."

"Fine, but if you even say one word, I swear, I'll kill you."

"Got it. I won't say a thing. Lips are sealed."

"Tom…" she glared at him. "Everyone, get out of here," she said, dismissing her meeting. "Okay, I get it," she said as soon as they were alone. "Sickbay is the worst. But why are you here?"

"Actually, I wanted to talk to you about something," he said in all seriousness.

"And you need to do it now?"

"It's about the Captain and Commander."

B'Elanna stopped. "What did he do?"

"What?" Tom asked, confused. "He didn't do anything. It's her."

"What about her?"

"I think she likes him. I mean, really likes him," Tom said and B'Elanna could see that apparently for once in his life he was being honest. "Her face lights up when he comes to the bridge. She looks forward to their dinners, always invites him to talk in her ready room, and relaxes whenever he is nearby. I've never seen her like that before."

"So why are you telling me this?" she asked.

"Well, you are close with him, I guess I just wanted to know…" Tom muttered.

"What?" she demanded.

"Is it mutual?"

"Tom!"

"If he likes her, she deserves to know!"

"And you are going to go tell her?" she couldn't believe him. "Are you out of your mind?"

"Can't you see it, B'Elanna? They are perfect for each other and they are the only ones who don't know it yet. Isn't their happiness important to you?"

"Of course it is. He is my best friend. That doesn't mean I'm going to go barging into his personal life!"

"I'm not going to go barging," he folded his arms. "I just want to know."

B'Elanna frowned. "And you promise you won't do anything stupid like start a betting pool or announce it over the intercom?"

"I promise," he said, holding up his hand.

"I think he loves her. And I think he has from day one."

"I knew it!" Tom cried triumphantly.

"Tom!"

"Sorry," he shook his head. "Thank you, B'Elanna," he said, leaning over to kiss her on the cheek. She gave him a surprised look. "Well, I'm off."

"Where do you think you're going?" she asked.

"Back up to the bridge."

"Oh no, you aren't. You signed up for engineering work study and so far you've done neither." She handed him a pair of coveralls.

"B'Elanna…."

"Down here you call me 'Chief.' Understood?"

"Yes."

"Yes, what?" she prompted.

"Yes, Chief."

"Now go."

***

"When are you going to propose?"

Chakotay choked down the last of his coffee, startled, and looked up to see B'Elanna sitting across the table from him, digging into her breakfast as if she hadn't just dropped a bombshell.

"Excuse me?" Chakotay finally managed to say.

"You heard me."

"Actually, I was busy scalding my mouth with coffee. Want to ask again?" he tried to act calm, raising an eyebrow.

"When are you going to propose to Kathryn?" B'Elanna said seriously.

"We're in no rush to get married."

"Come on, you've been together for a long time. No one dates this long without an offer." She folded her arms across her chest.

"Oh really?" he mused.

"It's crunch time, Commander. You need to bite the bullet and just do it."

"How do you know I'm even going to propose to her?"

"Because I saw the ring."

Chakotay nearly dropped his mug. B'Elanna was staring at him with those piercing brown eyes. He couldn't believe she had figured it out.

"How could you?" he ran his hand through his hair, preoccupied. "I made sure that I hid it in the …" he looked up and saw B'Elanna laughing hysterically.

"What?" he demanded.

"I never saw the ring," she laughed. "I didn't even know you had a ring."

"You didn't!"

"But now I know for sure that you are going to propose," she smiled and picked up her plate to take it to the replicator, but Chakotay caught her arm as she got up.

"You won't tell her, will you?" he asked in all honesty.

"Of course not." She gave him a reassuring smile. "So, when are you going to propose?"

"Tonight," he smiled.

***

B'Elanna swung down from the railing. "What do you need, old man?" she asked with a smile. He watched his old friend walk over to him. Voyager had been good to her. Better than she would have ever cared to admit. She had a husband and two adorable children, a job that challenged her intellectually and physically and a group of friends who loved her and understood her. She had been so mad at him when they first ended up out here and on this ship. It had torn him up inside. But little by little she began to get used to this sort of stable life again and she began to thrive. Yes, he was still called down to Engineering every once in a while to undo the damage she had done by torturing one of her specialists, but B'Elanna had made this ship her home now. She had proven time and time again that there wasn't anything she wouldn't do to protect it or her crew.

Finally, he realized that she was staring at him, waiting for him to answer her question. "It's nothing. I just wanted to let you know that Kathryn is pregnant again."

"No kidding," she chuckled.

"What?" he asked.

"Come on, Chakotay. She's been off the bridge every morning for the last three weeks, but she's fine in the evenings and she's given up coffee. We've all been through this four times already. We know the drill."

Chakotay looked at her, stunned. "Are we that predictable?"

"Only to me," B'Elanna gave him a pat on the shoulder. "So when's the baby due?"

"They are due in about seven months."

"They?" B'Elanna's jaw dropped.

"Twins."

"You two never do anything half way, do you?" she said.

"Well, this was a surprise. A happy one to be sure, but a surprise."

B'Elanna smiled and gave him a hug. "Congratulations, old man."

"Thanks, Lanna."

 

###


	15. Statistics

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Probability charts at the breakfast table and a visit to sickbay.

"Anson!" Kathryn called, from the kitchen. "School starts in fifteen minutes. Out the door, buddy."

Anson Janeway nodded vaguely, not really looking up from the heavy textbook he had apparently found somewhere and methodically jotting down notes on a nearby PADD. Kathryn sighed. They had always known Anson was gifted. He was brilliant and it was impossible to miss his intellect when you spoke to him about anything academic. Of course, he was still a ten-year-old boy, and he could just as easily tell you about how something or another blew up as he could lecture you on genetics. Which, Kathryn feared, was probably what was going to happen today.

"Ans, let's go. Your sisters left ages ago. What are you doing over there?" she gave up on the breakfast dishes and walked over to the table.

"Probability charts," he said as if that were something normal to look at over your morning breakfast.

Kathryn shook her head warily. "Why?"

"I'm trying to figure out the likelihood that one of the babies is another boy," he explained. Kathryn's suspicions were confirmed. Ever since they had told the kids that they were expecting twins, Anson had resumed his push for naming one of the babies "Asa." Chakotay had explained to him that if one of them was a boy, they would be happy to consider the name Asa. The only problem was that usually, Kathryn and Chakotay didn't want to learn the sex of the baby in advance. It had become a bit of a guessing game with them and a little tradition that they looked forward to. With Anson, Kathryn had been right all along. With Iva, they both noticed how different that pregnancy was to the previous one and knew that they must have been having a girl. Rory was a mystery. Kathryn usually changed her mind once a week about what her little active, kicking baby would turn out to be. Chakotay had been pretty confident that she was a girl from the beginning. And Maura left absolutely no question in anyone's mind. This time, there were two babies to consider. They had planned on waiting until the birth to find out but their two oldest children began launching a fairly aggressive campaign to convince them otherwise.

_"Wouldn't it be so much nicer to know for shopping purposes?" Iva had asked from the dinner table one night. Kathryn's fork had fallen to the table with a clang she was so surprised. Luckily her husband wasn't at a loss for words._

_"We still have Maura's baby things and believe it or not most of your brother's. I think we will be prepared for whatever we end up with," Chakotay said, adding more vegetables to his daughter's plate._

_"But what if the babies don't want hand-me-downs?" Iva pushed._

_"When babies are that tiny they are very comfortable in whatever they might have," he said. "Besides, we'll be able to replicate anything that we need once the babies are born."_

Iva had dropped it after that but that evening as they were getting ready for bed, Kathryn couldn't help but continue her daughter's line of thought.

_"You know," she had said, "Iva's got a point."_

_"Don't you start too," Chakotay laughed._

_"Not about the hand-me-downs, but it would be nice to know exactly what we are getting ourselves into this time around," she sighed as she sat down heavily on the bed, one hand gently rubbing her already burgeoning belly._

_"We are going to be having two babies at once," he said sitting down next to her. "That is what we are getting ourselves into. Or rather," he put his hand on top of hers, "already got ourselves into."_

_But Iva's thoughts and Anson's continued questioning about whether they thought that maybe at least one of them was a boy began to take root in both their minds._

_"You know," Chakotay began the next night as she was brushing out her long hair._

_"Oh no," she muttered._

_"He's got a point."_

_"Anson?" she asked. He nodded._

_"We're having two this time around. That is two to prepare for. We've never done that before. We'll need much more than last time and it might be nice to be able to get the cribs ready and their room and…"_

_"Okay, okay," Kathryn laughed as she placed a finger to his lips to stop him from worrying even more._

Within a week they had decided that this time things were going to be different and had made an appointment to find out the sex of the twins. They thought it would make the kids settle down. They were wrong. It had only strengthened their resolve.

Kathryn glanced at the chronometer and shook her head. "Ans, let's go, let's go, let's go. Out the door. You'll be late," she handed him his backpack and he looked up at her expectantly. "I told you already, your father and I are going to find out what the twins are this morning and I promise we'll tell you as soon as we know." That seemed to reassure her son a bit, and he made his way towards the door, but then stopped.

"If there is a boy, you should name him Asa," he said turning around.

"I know. Now go before they send security out after you." She shooed him out the door.

"Asa! Remember that, Mom!" he called as he ran down the hallway.

"How could I forget," Kathryn murmured to herself, resting her head in her hands.

As impatient as Anson was to find out, it was nothing compared to how excited Kathryn was. It almost felt like torture to have to get through the monthly staff briefings, the two dozen systems reports that had been filed the night before and a minor engine flare up before she could finally head down to sickbay. When she got there, her husband was already there, having come straight from engineering. Apparently he couldn't wait either.

"Hi," she said softly.

"Hi," he said, kissing her on the cheek. "You ready for this?"

She nodded eagerly. "And so is Anson. I barely got him out the door this morning. He spent all of breakfast trying to calculate the chances that he was going to have a little brother."

Chakotay smiled and she could tell that he was imagining exactly the scenario that had played out earlier that day.

"Ah, Captain, Commander," the Doctor said, beckoning them over to a biobed. "Have a seat." With a little bit of a struggle, Kathryn eased herself on to the bed, stretching her legs out and resting her head back on a pillow. Chakotay stood right next to her, gently brushing a few stray locks of hair behind her ear and squeezing her hand. "How have we been feeling?" the Doctor asked as he began turning on his equipment.

"Huge," Kathryn admitted. "Everything feels a little more intense this time around." That was an understatement to be sure.

"And are you ready to find out the sex of the twins?" he asked.

"Yes," they answered together. The Doctor nodded and pulled up a scanner. He handed one handheld monitor to the nervous parents and began scanning. Kathryn gasped as a startlingly clear image of two tiny babies appeared on her screen.

"There they are," the EMH said, pointing first to one and then the other. "Baby A and Baby B. From your earlier scans we've determined that Baby A is a little bigger and quite a bit more active." Kathryn gave her husband a look. That was another understatement. Baby A was a hell of a kicker and was already keeping its mother up almost every night. Chakotay just smiled and gave her hand a reaffirming squeeze.

"And Baby B is also very healthy, a little bit smaller but loves to move around, as you can see," he pointed to the image where the little one was wiggling around. "Congratulations, Captain. You've got one boy and one girl!" Kathryn's face lit up as she broke into a smile. There would be no stopping Anson now.

"Which one is which?" Chakotay asked, an equally bright smile playing across his dimpled face.

"Baby A is a boy, but you probably already knew that," the Doctor said nodding to Kathryn. "His behavior in the womb has been very similar to his older brother's. And Baby B is your daughter."

For what felt like almost an eternity, Kathryn and Chakotay stared at the monitor, mesmerized by the two little lives it showed. Their son and daughter. Somehow knowing that made it all the more real. Their family would still be a little out of balance but neither of them seemed to care. Knowing this, knowing who they were going to be when they finally arrived, was a thrill like no other she had ever experienced.

"I can't believe we didn't do this with the other ones," she said softly, a tear escaping her eye.

"I'm so glad we did this time," her husband answered, brushing the tear off her cheek.

"I'm sure the other ones would like to see a few pictures of their new siblings," the Doctor said. "Would you like me to download some for them?"

"I think they would really enjoy that," Chakotay said. They had already planned to tell the kids over lunch in the mess hall and they both had a feeling that pictures would be greatly appreciated.

###


	16. The Opposite of Redecorating

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In retrospect, he should have seen this coming.

Chakotay stared at the PADD in his hands and realized he was rereading the same sentence over and over. He couldn't seem to concentrate, not with the seat on his right unoccupied for so long.

They had only been on the bridge for about an hour when Kathryn announced that she was going to the ready room. He had mumbled something to acknowledge that he heard her but hadn't really looked up to see if there was a reason why she was leaving. These days, if his wife left the bridge it could be for a wide variety of issues: she might want to put her feet up while she was working, her chair might be getting uncomfortable, one of the babies could be playing parrises squares with her bladder, again, or she might have just needed to stretch her legs. He knew she was all right. If she wasn't, he would know about it as would half the ship.

But today, she had been gone quite a while without checking in and it was starting to worry him. Finally, he came up with a plausible excuse to go to her office that wouldn't make it seem like he was worried about her to the rest of the bridge. Not that that mattered to him but they liked to tease him about how much he worried about his wife, especially when she was pregnant. So he signaled to one of the duty officers, grabbed a PADD and walked into her office. He opened the doors and stopped.

He frowned as he looked around the almost empty room. Most of the pictures were gone, the indestructible microscope was gone and the books that used to completely fill the bookshelves were gone. Everything it seemed had vanished. He stopped as his eye that old map of his. Not everything was gone. 

"I couldn't help but notice that your things are no longer in the ready room," Chakotay finally said when he saw her.

"Yes, well, I've decided that I'm too pregnant to be a captain right now." His wife was standing there, her arms folded tightly across her chest, her hair flying out of its braid as if she had been moving around a lot, and a frustrated expression on her face that he had come to know all too well during her four previous pregnancies.

Oh no, he thought.

He tried not to let his panic show. "Really?" he responded as casually as possible. In about a minute she would probably notice that he wasn't making eye contact with her any more. She would be able to tell in an instant what was going through his mind.

"Yes really," she huffed. "I'm done. Right now."

"Got it," he answered crisply.

"All of this is yours from now on," she gestured to the room but Chakotay had a feeling that she meant the whole ship. Things were getting worse.

"I understand."

"I don't want to be captain anymore. I just want to lay around and drink coffee all day."

"Kathryn, you really can't drink coff…" he stopped when she shot him a death glare. They had always fought about her caffeine intake while she was pregnant but this time around she was absolutely miserable about it. He had threatened to ban the substance on the entire ship just to stop her from asking if she could just have one cup each and every day. He almost wished that she still had her morning sickness when even the smell of coffee was enough to send her running for the nearest bathroom. But for both of them, there was no such luck after she hit the second trimester.

"Right. Okay. So I'm in command now," he tried to recover. She nodded.

"Will you be coming back?" he ventured a guess.

"I'm not sure," she admitted. "I suppose it all depends on whether my husband chooses to do this all over again," she groaned, pointing at her belly. He was in trouble now. He finally noticed a large box standing next to his wife that was holding all of the objects that were now missing from the room. He looked from the box to Kathryn and back to the box again.

"Was this as far as you got?" he said, gesturing.

"I'm not supposed to be lifting heavy things," she said with a roll of her eyes.

"You could have just told me that you were ready to go on maternity leave, you know. The Doctor said that it was up to you to decide how early you want to be on limited duty," he said, reaching down to pick up the box. He was actually glad that she hadn't tried to lift it. It seemed to weigh a ton and a half.

"I did. I decided right now," she answered back.

"Do you want to transfer the command codes now?" he asked.

"You already know all of my codes."

"That's not the point."

"Fine, I'll do it after we get all of this moved back to our quarters," she narrowed her eyes at the box.

"You could have left all of this stuff in here, you know," he said, placing the box down on the table. He picked up the first thing he found. "What if I had wanted to keep this?"

"You want to keep a paperbound copy of the reports from Voyager's shakedown cruises over 10 years ago?" she raised her eyebrows and gave him a look.

"Bad example."

"Yes it was." She marched towards the door.

"Kathryn, why are you doing this? This used to be something that we would argue over, that I would have to beg and plead with you to even consider. I used to have to invoke medical protocol to get you to consider maternity leave as even an option.”

“Well, it turns out you can take over the ship but you can’t take over this pregnancy!”

“Kathryn…”

"I’m too pregnant to be captain!" she said with a small pout. Chakotay couldn't help himself, a smile tugged at his lips and he held back a laugh. "Don't you start," Kathryn warned but he could see that she was starting to smile too. "It was like all of a sudden it was as hard to do things as it usually is by the end of my pregnancies. But I've still got a ways to go!" She laughed in spite of herself. "I mean, how is it going to look if the captain can't even get out of her chair on the bridge without help, hmm?"

Chakotay put his hands on her shoulders and gave her a quick kiss on the forehead. "Darling, that is why they put my chair right next to yours."

"You are terrible, you know that?" Kathryn said walking over to the couch where she sat down and put her feet up on the coffee table.

"So do you really want to take all this stuff back home?" he asked as he sat down next to her. "Where are we going to fit it all?"

Kathryn buried her face in her hands and smiled. She looked up at him and gave him a slightly sheepish look that he had come to know and love.

"Okay then," he grinned. "It all stays."

"Until the next time I decide I don't want to be captain anymore."

###


	17. First Commands

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is a tradition of a captain writing a letter to their first officer when they receive their first command.

A week ago, the Doctor had decided to put her on bed rest. That had effectively settled any debate they were going to have about how much longer she could continue to serve as captain. Chakotay had taken over and Kathryn had been relegated to spending her days in their quarters, resting on the couch or lying in bed if she didn't feel like getting up. She was hoping that the risks of preterm labor would decrease soon. If she was trapped in here for much longer she had a feeling she might go crazy.

So she started reading. She read everything she could get her hands on, books about Federation history, mystery novels, her children's textbooks, old systems reports from Voyager. She even began reading old letters that she had written to her family. And buried somewhere in all of there, she found the letter that she had written to Chakotay when she had first gone on maternity leave almost 10 years ago.

***

"What are you doing?" he asked, setting a steaming mug of tea down next to her. She frowned.

"What is this?" She inspected the mug and sniffed.

"Not coffee."

"Hmmm," she took a sip and shrugged.

"So…" he gestured at the padd she was currently working on. "What's this?"

She smiled. "I'm writing you a letter."

"A letter?" he asked, confused.

"The letter, as a matter of fact," she said. "It is the letter that every captain writes when their executive officer becomes a captain themselves. A passing of the torch sort of thing." He studied her closely for a minute and she could tell that he was thinking about something. "And you are thinking that there is no reason for me to be writing this letter now, aren't you?" she said preempting his thoughts.

Chakotay smiled and nudged her with his shoulder. "You know me too well," he sighed. "I'm not a captain."

"No," she admitted. "But then again you are."

"This is a temporary field commission and I full expect to be back in my own chair again within a few months," he said, his hand resting softly on her belly. "I have a feeling that someone is going to want her job back as soon as possible."

"You mean as soon as I stop looking like I've swallowed a watermelon?" she groaned.

"So what are you writing to me, in my letter for my not-quite captaincy?" he asked, peering over her shoulder.

"Oh no you don't," she said, snatching the PADD away. "You'll have to wait to read it. Unless that is," she gave him a mischievous look, "you want to reconsider your position on coffee during a pregnancy."

"Fine, fine," he said, holding his hands up in defeat. "You win. But not on the coffee thing. I'll let you get back to it," he said, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek before getting up to leave.

"Thanks, hon." She turned back to her writing but she realized that she had lost her place again. She began from the beginning.

_ Dear Chakotay, _

_ It is an old tradition in Starfleet that captains whose executive officers are promoted to captaincies of their own pass on some of their collected wisdom, usually in the form of a letter. While you might protest and claim that taking temporary command of Voyager for the next several months isn't really a captaincy of your own, I think a captain is a captain no matter the circumstances. _

_ Oh, Chakotay, there is so much I want to tell you about how to keep your officers performing at their best or how to keep your spirits up even when times are bad. And then I remember that you've been here with me all along, learning the same lessons as me from my first command. Aside from the shakedown cruises, which believe me were nothing special, you've been here right next to me this whole time. You were there helping me deal with the after effects of so many disasters. I feel I am no more fit than you when it comes to giving advice, but I'll do the best I can. _

_ I know you are worried. God knows I was. There are so many unexpected aspects of a command, and in trying to prepare and anticipate all of them, you might find yourself forgetting to enjoy the moment. This is your ship now, Captain. She is yours to command and she'll learn to follow you just as you've learned how to handle her. _

_ In one sense, the hardest part about assuming a command will not be an issue for you. Many captains struggle with establishing a relationship with their crew that is at once professional and familial, and some are never able to find a good balance. Somehow I know that this won't be a problem for you. This crew loves you. They have learned from you over the years as I have, they have come to trust you and to know you as a man of honor and strength, and they would do anything for you. Let them help you when they can and do not be afraid to let them see you falter. _

_ Never fight with your first officer. This one should go without saying but I have to admit that I've broken this rule several times. Always listen to the advice that they have to give, weighing it carefully because more often than not they are right. First officers are a tricky bunch, Chakotay. They must strike a delicate balance between establishing their own authority on the ship and carrying out the orders of the captain. There are some people who are not simply able to do the job. But then there are those that thrive. They are smart, intellectual and creative thinkers who aren't afraid to speak their minds but always know when it is time to concede the argument. They are the most important person on a ship to a captain; in the worst moments you know that you can always count on them and in the best moments they are right by your side to share in your triumph. They are good people, even if some of them are a little rough around the edges. And some of them are former freedom fighters who end up falling in love with you, marrying you and getting you pregnant, thus resulting in them becoming captain and necessitating this letter in the first place. The point is that I can only hope that Tuvok will be able to give you the peace of mind that you have been able to give me for so many years. _

_ Don't go down with the ship. This is a tricky one, I know. A few weeks ago, you told me that I shouldn't even consider going down with the ship, especially now that I'm pregnant. I want you to remember what you said and why you said it. I know that when you are faced with that sort of situation, your first instinct is to admit your failure and punish yourself accordingly. But do not sacrifice yourself. I need you too much to let you do that. Your crew will need you too much to let you do that. And this baby is going to need you too much to let you do that. Work impossible hours, struggle through decisions, watch system after system fail, whatever you need to do but do not go down with the ship. _

_ Sleep when you can. Drink coffee when you can't. Find a moment each day to do something for yourself, whatever that might be. Don't lose your perspective or your focus. Above all, keep your head up and you'll do fine. _

_ You've been so much more than a first officer, Chakotay. You've been my friend, my partner on this voyage. I could not have done this without you. I could not have held this crew together if you hadn't agreed to put our survival above everything else. I don't think I'll ever truly understand how great a sacrifice it was for you to return to the service, and sometimes I wonder if I would have done it in your place. But then again, one of the nice things about being captain is that you can keep some things to yourself. _

Kathryn paused, thinking about how she was going to wrap up the letter.

_ This is your ship now, Captain, not mine, and I hope she will be as good to you as she was to me. She's a stubborn one, but then again I think you've shown that you can deal with stubborn women. _

_ So congratulations to you and your ship. Please don't break anything while I'm gone. _

_ Your loving wife, _

_ Kathryn _

She looked up, watching as Chakotay sat down at his desk with a stack of reports. He would love the letter, she knew. He might even choose to save it, just as she had saved hers from all those years ago. She saved the file and switched off the padd.

***

"Find something interesting in that pile of PADDs?" he asked as he sat down next to her on the couch. He was holding their current youngest in his arms and Maura instantly crawled over and curled up next to her mother, her head pressed lightly against her mother's belly.

"Just the letter I wrote you about this time 10 years ago with Anson," she said, handing him the padd. She brushed Maura's soft brown curls back behind her ears.

"It was a very good letter," he said.

"Was it worth waiting for?" she asked.

"You mean, should I have given you a cup of coffee in exchange for getting to read it early?" he laughed and Maura giggled. "Well, I don't know about that. It certainly made the transition easier for me when the time came."

Kathryn smiled. "Well, I'm glad about that. Some day, when we get back, I'll write you one for your first actual command," she said, a small yawn escaping her.

"Come on, little one," Chakotay said to Maura as he picked her back up in his arms, "let's let your mama sleep."

"I'm serious, though," she insisted. "You've earned your own ship."

"I know," he smiled, "but for now, I'm content to share this one with you."

### 


	18. Sam and Naomi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An alternate take on Samantha Wildman.

"So, they've taken you out of solitary confinement?" Naomi Wildman said as she sat down next to her captain. Kathryn couldn't help but laugh.

"The Doctor says I'm doing well enough that I'm allowed to come down to the mess hall every now and then," she said, gratefully taking in her surroundings. She had been pleading with the Doctor for several weeks before he finally relented. This morning, she had had breakfast with Chakotay and the kids in the mess hall before he had taken them to school. He would be coming back soon to walk her to their quarters mostly because he didn't entirely trust that she wouldn't wander over to the Bridge or Engineering. Kathryn had promised him that she wouldn't move from this spot and he had looked at her skeptically. To be honest, she wasn't sure if she would be able to leave this spot without his strong arms to pull her into a standing position. He had just laughed and promised to be right back.

"Well, I'm glad you're here," Naomi said. "We've all been missing you."

"I've missed you too," Kathryn said, reaching out to hold her hand.

***

"Sam, I don't know how you did this for as long as you did," Kathryn said as she eased herself onto the couch. "I mean I know you weren't the size of a house for the whole time but you must have a higher tolerance for the uncomfortable and utterly awkward than me."

"And I wasn't the captain," Sam said with a knowing smile.

"Fair point. But still." Kathryn sighed. She liked Sam. Sam was a scientist, just like her. They were about the same age and Sam with her calm demeanor and her research was a welcome break from the career Starfleet officers who had dominated command school and the majority of her early assignments. She and Sam had something else in common too. They were both mothers, or about to be.

Sam wasn't a traditional Starfleet officer by any stretch of the imagination. She had been a published xenobiologist and a professor before marrying a Starfleet officer. She had then gone to officer training school so that she could live and work with him on Deep Space Nine. Before the wormhole was opened commercially, station inhabitants had been strictly limited to Starfleet personnel and their family members with Federation papers. Sam could live on DS9 but there was no place for a civilian who studied animals to work there. So she joined the fleet and had been given the hilariously low rank of ensign. Kathryn was shocked that someone with a double Ph.D. could be given such a rank but Sam thought it was for the best. She wasn't eager to stay in Starfleet long and didn't want to take the position of someone who wanted the commission with all their heart and soul. That was another thing that Kathryn loved about Sam. She was passionate and selfless.

When Voyager came to DS9, Kathryn still hadn't found a chief science officer. It had taken her weeks to settle on a first officer. Finally she had selected Commander Aaron Cavit, a good friend from command school who was due to get his first captaincy in a matter of weeks. She had asked Cavit if he would step in until she found someone else and since he was between postings he agreed. She had never thought that the mission would last longer than three weeks and she had never in a million years thought that she would lose Aaron so suddenly and violently.

After struggling to find an XO, she didn't seem to have time to find a chief science officer. So when Ben Sisko had suggested Sam, she had jumped at it. Sam's talents would be much better suited to a starship, they had both agreed and a post on Voyager would keep her close to Bajor and close to her husband. Sam too had been excited to join the crew. She seemed to fit in almost instantly and everyone, from the astrophysicists who didn't like anyone to the botanists who were wondering why on earth they had been assigned to Voyager, loved her. In the first few days, Sam was always stressing that she was a just a temporary officer, like Aaron, and that she would help Kathryn find a replacement as soon as the mission was over. She knew a lot of good scientists who were looking for longer-term deep space missions. But every now and then Kathryn caught a glint in her eyes that told her how much Sam loved the position and how hesitant she was to eventually let it go. None of that prepared either of them for the hard realization that they were stuck in the Delta Quadrant.

Kathryn's friendship with Sam had started quickly and almost by accident. Once the chaos of finding her ship on the far side of the galaxy had settled down, Kathryn went down to visit the science labs to see how everyone was handling the situation. "Just a stroll," she had told B'Elanna when her jaw had dropped as the Captain entered Engineering. But it was more than that. Kathryn needed to see things with her own eyes, to touch the equipment and the bulkheads that were keeping them all alive, to know that the people she had selected could handle the task in front of them and to show them that she was coping well with the change in circumstances. When she walked into Dr. Wildman's office, she failed spectacularly.

Sam had looked at her with such a sweet smile and asked how things were going, and before she knew it, Kathryn had burst into tears. She stood there, sobbing quietly, as Sam wrapped her in an affectionate hug. Sam didn't try to coddle her or act uncomfortable around such a raw emotional outburst. She just treated Kathryn like a sister and let her spill everything about what had been going on, how terrified she was, how upset and how frustrated, how worried she was that their lives were already gone they just didn't know it yet. And Sam listened. They began to talk regularly, not just about the ship but about life in general.

And then Naomi had come along. A happy accident and a sad reminder of the life Sam had left on DS9. At first, Kathryn had been shocked at Sam's pregnancy, at the fact that she hadn't known she was pregnant and especially at the fact that she would be pregnant for so long. But Sam handled it with the same grace and ease that she tackled everything, while Kathryn was now sitting on the couch grumbling about swollen ankles.

"Here, I think there is someone who wants to see you," Sam said as she handed Naomi over to Kathryn. Kathryn held the little girl in her arms. 

"Aunt Kaffryn!" Naomi cried.

"Hi there, darling," she kissed her on the head. Naomi pointed at Kathryn's large belly. "Yup, the baby is still in there. Not out yet." She met Sam's eyes over the little girl's head. "Any day now."

"Tell Aunt Kathryn what you did with Kes today," Sam suggested

"What did you do?"

"We went to the 'ponics bay," Naomi said proudly. After Sam had had the baby, Kes had become one of her many caregivers and babysitters. Kathryn idly wondered if Naomi would someday watch her own baby.

"Did you? Did you see all the vegetables?"

"Uh huh. We saw carrots and peas and broccoli and leola root and …"

"Tell me they aren't planting more of those things," Kathryn groaned.

"Neelix says they are good for you," Naomi said.

"They are good for making pregnant woman not feel good too," Sam said, mostly for Naomi's benefit but giving Kathryn a sympathetic look. "I'm sure soon someone will find a way to cook them that makes them at least taste better. If we are going to keep living off of them we have to get creative."

"I like them," Naomi said proudly.

"You, my dear, are a very good eater!" Kathryn said.

"Want to go get your new Flotter book to show Aunt Kathryn?" Sam asked.

"Yeah!" Naomi hopped off Kathryn's lap and ran towards the bedroom.

"See?" Sam said with a smile. "You are ready."

"Thanks, Sam."

"I've got that box of maternity clothes for you too." Kathryn groaned again. With her due date fast approaching, she realized that aside from her uniform, she really didn't have much in the way of maternity clothing. Most of the time, she would wear a pair of stretch pants and one of her husband's shirts because that was just about all that would fit. She had worried about that, about how big she was getting. But the Doctor and Sam had assured her that she was gaining weight exactly like she should. She almost envied the days when she could slip on an old academy sweatshirt and no one could even tell that she was pregnant.

"How do you do it, Sam?" she asked softly. "How do you balance it all, and on your own?"

"I've got help, and so do you. I've got wonderful friends and a family of officers who have helped me with all of this. I've got Kes and the Doctor, you and Chakotay, Tom, Neelix, and Joe who are all only a minute away and more gracious than I ever thought possible. And I've got Naomi," Sam smiled proudly. "She is the best thing that ever happened to me. No matter what, I've got her."

"Do you ever… resent me for what happened?"

"Never. Not ever. Kathryn, I know you. I know that you beat yourself up about that decision every day and you think that we must all hate you for it too. But we don't. We are happy and alive and together. It was a decision that we all made together. You may be the captain but we are your officers and we stand by you no matter what," she reached out to touch Kathryn's face. "You are going to be a wonderful mother, Kathryn Janeway. Nothing, not even the Delta Quadrant could stop you."

***

Chakotay walked into the mess hall and stopped. Kathryn and Naomi were leaning over a set of PADDS, animatedly discussing some scientific proposal that the young ensign had put together. Kathryn's eyes shone with pride as she watched her former captain's assistant describe her project. He had known since the day Naomi was born that she would hold a very special place in his wife's heart.

"Hi," he finally said, walking over to their table.

"Hi," Kathryn beamed at him.

"I've got to get back to sickbay," Naomi sighed. "I'm glad I got to see you, Captain."

"Me too," Kathryn reached out to squeeze her hand.

"I'll see you both tomorrow night for babysitting?" Naomi asked and both commanding officers nodded gratefully. "See you then," she said with a small wave.

Kathryn turned back to her husband. "Shall we?" she groaned, slowly lifting her body from the chair.

"Come on, lady with two babies," he smiled.

###


	19. The Other Question

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ever wonder how he proposed?

Chapter 19: The Other Question

 

She woke him up at 0300 when the pains became too strong to ignore. Quickly, they called the Doctor to let him know that they were one their way and then called Naomi to ask her to come over to stay with the kids. Everyone else was still asleep.

As Chakotay grabbed their bags, complete with throw pillows, Kathryn slowly and gingerly walked over to her oldest son's bedroom. She peeked in through the doorway to see Anson fast asleep, a heavy book in his arms and PADDS scattered across the floor. She had had a devil of a time getting him to actually go to sleep last night. He stirred now, turning over onto his side and Kathryn quietly closed the door.

Next she checked on her daughters. At first, she had wondered how long the two spirited girls would last sharing a room. After all, she and her sister had always, always needed separate bedrooms; the sanity of her parents had depended on that. But Iva and Rory loved being together. Some nights when she would check on them, Rory had gotten out of her bed and crawled in next to her sister, snuggling in close. Tonight was one of those nights. Rory, complete with her Flotter, was curled up next to Iva, who had fallen asleep holding her younger sister's hand. Their reddish brown hair was splayed out against their pillows and they slept underneath the blanket that she had made Iva before she was born.

Kathryn stepped back out into the hallway as a contraction began. She closed her eyes and leaned her shoulder against the bulkhead, breathing deeply and willing the dull ache that was turning into something more painful to stop. As the pain worsened, she felt a hand on her back gently rubbing up and down along her spine. She immediately felt her body relax.

"Are you ready?" he asked softly as the contraction ended.

"Almost," she whispered. "I've still got one more left to check on." Slowly he led her to Maura's bedroom where she lay sleeping in her crib. Her fifteen-month-old daughter was about to become a big sister, a fact that she was only slightly able to comprehend. Maura loved to pat her mother's belly and her older siblings patiently explained to her what was going to happen to the family but Kathryn was certain it would still be quite a surprise to her little one. She reached over the rail of the crib and gently stroked Maura's soft hair.

"Okay," she said, turning to her husband. "Let's go."

***

She had been complaining that one of the things she missed most about Earth was the changing of the seasons when she noticed that he was watching her again. She blushed and tried to clarify that she missed the people back on Earth too, but there was something about walking through the woods on a crisp fall day or lying in the grass in springtime that she found herself longing for. He had just smiled and nodded, leaving her to wonder about what was going on behind those dimples.

A few days later she found out. She had just gotten off the bridge and was about to close up things in her ready room when he appeared in the doorway, holding two farm coats. She looked up at him in surprise.

"What's all this?" she asked, setting her padd down and walking over to where he stood. She picked up one of the coats and examined it. It was the kind of jacket that her mother always had around the house back home, well-worn leather and sturdy to keep out the chill.

"I thought we could take a little walk," he said with a smile. "I've got a couple hours of holodeck time saved up."

"Anywhere in particular we are going?" she raised an eyebrow.

"You'll see."

She frowned and gave him a look but willingly took his arm as he led her down the hall. When he got to the doors of the holodeck he stopped and helped her put on the coat. She watched as he put on his, then tapped a few commands on the entry panel and stepped back as the doors opened. She stopped and stared at the scene inside.

"Oh Chakotay, it's beautiful," she whispered as if the sound of her voice would cause the sight to disappear. Before her was a thick wooded field filled with impossibly tall pine trees, maple and walnut trees, and oak trees lining the edges before it widened into a soft rolling hill. The trees were lush and green, with hints of yellow and red bursting through the leaves. The fading afternoon sunlight dappled the ground in a soft warm light, betraying the slight chill that was in the air. She wrapped the jacket tightly around her body, grateful that he had thought to bring them along.

"This is incredible," she said, venturing towards one of the trees. She placed her hand against its bark and turned around to look at the man who had brought her here. "Did you make this?" she asked.

He nodded. "I thought you might enjoy it. I found the parameters in the database but I added a few things based on what you've told me of where you grew up." He held out a hand to her and she grasped it tightly. "Let me show you."

The spent the rest of the afternoon exploring the woods, arm in arm. They walked along the edge of the woods, slipping in and around the oak trees. Occasionally she let her head rest on his shoulder and he would lean down and give her a quick kiss on the head. Other times he would laugh as she raced to show him some new plant or animal that she had spotted. She had loved the orchard that he had built near the edge of the forest and patiently waited as he reached up to pick a few apples.

"You know I could reprogram the tree to be a little shorter," he said, handing her the fruit. She shook her head.

"It's perfect just the way it is," she grinned as she bit into her apple. She closed her eyes and savored the taste.

They walked through the high grass that seemed to spread out in every direction. She could see cornfields, the tall drying stocks rustling gently in the wind. Off in the distance there was an old barn and for an instant, she felt a pang of homesickness. Chakotay seemed to sense it and gave her hand a comforting squeeze. Her smile returned as she looked over at her first officer.

"Thank you," she said, as she leaned her head against his chest. "Thank you so much."

"It was worth it," he laughed.

Now she was confused. "Worth it for what?" she asked.

"You look so happy, Kathryn," he said, a genuine smile spreading across his face.

"I am happy," she said, reaching up on her tiptoes to give him a kiss on the cheek. "This is the best thing anyone has done for me since the last time you did something wonderful for me." He laughed again. "I mean it," she insisted. "I really can't thank you enough."

"There was one other thing I wanted to ask you," he said.

"Really? And what was that?"

"I wanted to know if you would marry me?"

He asked it so casually and so simply that for a moment Kathryn wasn't sure that he had even asked. She turned and looked up into his eyes, seeing the warm confidence that she had come to love and to trust reflected back at her. She saw the man who had put everything on the line to protect her and to help her survive, and who for reasons she still couldn't understand, had fallen in love with her. She smiled.

"Yes," she said, her smile growing and she saw the happiness blossoming on his face. She pulled him close and kissed him soundly.

"Good,” he finally said a little breathless, “because I went to all the trouble of replicating this and I didn't want to waste it…" he joked as he held out a beautiful engagement ring. 

"I'm surprised you had any replicator rations left after I raided them for coffee," she said guiltily.

"Anything for my future wife," he said grandly. He gently slipped the ring on her finger. "Besides,” he whispered conspiratorially in her ear, “I'll earn them back some point down the line.”

“Oh you mean when we win Tom’s pool? Or when we have kids and I’m banned from coffee?” she said with a laugh. Starting a family: it was something both of them wanted and something they were very eager for, but nine whole months without coffee… she shook her head and patted him gently on the shoulder.

"This one will be something for the record books," he laughed. "A captain and a first officer marrying while serving together. I'll bet Starfleet has never seen something like this before."

"It is going to be an interesting story to tell," she mused.

He stopped and put his arms around her. "Regardless of what Starfleet will say, I love you, Kathryn Janeway. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, be it on this ship, in the Alpha Quadrant or on some unknown planet the next time something goes wrong. Wherever I am, I'll be happy as long as you are there."

"Me too." She leaned up on her tiptoes and this time their lips met in a kiss.

***

"Captain, Commander," the Doctor said as the entered sickbay. He instantly began scanning her burgeoning belly. Her husband helped her over to a biobed and gingerly lifted her onto it. She sighed deeply as she felt another contraction beginning.

"It's time," Kathryn murmured as the doors closed behind them.

###


	20. The Stories In Between

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After New Earth, they walked in arm in arm.

"Chakotay… I can't… I can't…" he heard his wife gasp.

"You can, Katie. You are doing just fine. It's almost over." He silently hoped this was true. It felt like she had been struggling for hours, the pain getting worse and worse and neither twin having yet made their appearance. He had watched her go through labor before but this was different. Her spirit he could sense was faltering. She was exhausted and feeling utterly helpless. He leaned over and kissed on her on the forehead and Kathryn buried her head in his shoulder and cried out.

"Oh god… I can't…."

"Yes you can," he repeated. "You can and you will. You are so close, my darling. So close. Before you know it, you'll have two little ones in your arms."

"Asa…" she said softly as the pain dulled for a moment.

"I know Anson would appreciate that very much. But what about his sister?" he said with a smile.

"It's harder when there are two of them, isn't it?" she muttered.

"I love you so much, you know that?" he shook his head and couldn't help but laugh.

"I know, but I think these two will be the last, okay?" she asked, a small smile on her tired face.

"Whatever you say, my darling. Whatever you say."

***

She leaned her shoulder against his chest and sighed. She was happy, truly happy, and right by her side was the man who made her the happiest. A half smile played across her lips as she listened to him talk. She took a small sip of champagne and looked around the room.

The crew had insisted on throwing them a welcome home party after their return from New Earth and Kathryn Janeway wasn't one to say no to a party. She thought it would be a good way for her officers to begin to heal from what could only have been an incredibly traumatic time for them and transition back to a starship manned with all hands. For Kathryn, the party represented another sort of turning point; it was the first time they were going to be together in public.

As strange as it might sound, being stuck on that lonely planet had been good for both of them. It had forced her to realize just what her priorities were in life and that if she didn't do something about it they were going to pass her by, just like the stars at warp. For so long her career had been the only thing she ever thought of. Her dream throughout her childhood was to be in Starfleet and so once she achieved it, she barely looked back. She was determined to be a captain, even if that meant switching from the science division, which had been her first love, to the more competitive ranks of command. It meant extra schooling and exams to test her in ways she didn't even know a person could be tested. At each step of the process, Starfleet threw everything they could think of at her to convince her that maybe she didn't want to be a captain after all; first her father's death, then the incident on the Billings, and right before Voyager left drydock, the realization that the lives of those she loved back on Earth would move on even while she was out in space. It was an incredible challenge to remain committed to something even in the face of so many reasons to just walk away. But that was why Starfleet did it, she knew. Every individual assigned to command a starship had to be almost fanatically committed to that ship, her crew and her mission, be it a short survey expedition or a long-term deployment. There was no room for hesitation or even reluctance towards sacrifice. Their ships would be their lives. That was the way it was and that was the way it had always been.

And then suddenly, when the realization that Voyager would be stuck in the Delta Quadrant for longer than she was likely to be alive, Kathryn came to the startling conclusion that her ship was about to become her entire life whether she wanted it to or not. She no longer had the option of shore leave to visit loved ones, or a home to return to at the end of her mission, or an escape, any escape from the demands of her work. Voyager became her everything and it was exhausting. The first few months she spent feeling like she was treading water, not wanting to let on how absolutely desperate their situation was but unable to simply ignore the fact that they were not likely to ever make it home. Of course she could never let the crew see this. To them she had to be as strong as Voyager's bulkheads, able to keep the dangers out and hold everyone safely inside. For the most part, she was able to convince her crew that everything would be all right.

There was only one person who, after one look in her eyes, could tell see everything that she was trying so desperately to deny. Her new first officer had pulled her aside one day after a particularly grim supply report and asked if she was all right. She had brushed off the question. Everyone was always asking her if she was alright and she always was. Usually, it was a secret code to get her to relax and she wasn't exactly interested in hearing him lecture her on that subject.

But he hadn't lectured her. He had just nodded quietly. Puzzled, she had asked him why he asked.

"Because you look so sad," Chakotay had said. Kathryn of course was so caught off guard that she burst into tears and told him everything and anything that was wrong with the ship, with their mission, with herself. Before she knew it, he had his arms around her and was whispering that it would be okay as her sobs gave way to shaky breathing. She surprised herself in that moment by not pulling away. They stood there like that, him gently stroking her head as she pulled herself back together for a long time before she felt strong enough to stand on her own.

After that, she was mortified. She was absolutely certain that no captain in the history of all Starfleet had ever done that to their first officer. What would the admirals think of her, she wondered. How would the admirals ever know, she thought next. But instead of making her relationship with him awkward, the incident strengthened their friendship and built the beginnings of trust between them. She learned that she didn't always have to be the captain around him. They could laugh and share a meal, talking about the crew the way parents would talk about their children and still manage to perform their command roles on the bridge. She grew to love his company, to value his opinion and way of thinking, to lean on him when she needed to and most importantly to draw strength from him when she felt herself wearing down.

They began eating dinner together at least once a week, always with him cooking or at least being in charge of the replicator after that first dinner when he had witnessed her culinary prowess firsthand. Every day on the bridge their eyes would meet and they began to be able to anticipate each other's thoughts with nothing more than a look. She loved to watch him at work, peering over a console as he tried to make sense of whatever problem he was tasked with solving. She loved how he would place a hand gently on her lower back when she stood next to him, how he would bring her cups of coffee no matter what time of day it was and how he smiled. She loved to see him smile.

She shouldn't have been surprised when their close friendship turned into something more on New Earth. They spent each and every day together, and slowly she abandoned her captain's persona all together. They talked about everything, about their hopes and dreams for the future, about the families they wanted to have and the children they wanted to raise and, after one particular evening, how they wanted to do those things with each other. Chakotay had hastily added that it wasn't because they were the only two humans on the planet but it didn't matter. She loved him and it only took a deadly disease and being stranded to realize that.

They had slowly slipped into being a couple without even realizing it. He would rub her sore shoulders even without being asked and she would read to him as he worked outside. He built them a large bed after only a few weeks and she made a blanket large enough to cover them both. They would lay there each night and she would always whisper to him whatever she was thinking about as he jokingly tried to actually get some sleep. They both had come to the understanding that should that miracle happen, nothing would change when they returned to her beloved ship. And then it did happen and she wrapped her arms around him and cried she was so happy.

They had walked into the holodeck tonight arm in arm and instead of feeling nervous, Kathryn felt a sense of peace that she hadn't felt in years. She looked up at him and smiled.

Chakotay leaned down and gave her a quick kiss on the forehead. She felt the eyes of their crew on them, but all she saw were smiles. She supposed in their eyes it was about damn time.

***

"You know, I think the crew is already planning the party to celebrate the birth of the twins," he said as she leaned her head against his chest. It was one of the only positions that helped her feel better when the contractions grew too strong, he knew. Like right now, when all she could do was listen to the sound of his voice. "I think there is going to be champagne again, just like when we got back from New Earth." He smiled at that. Most crew celebrations usually involved someone raiding his stash of Antarian cider, he still didn't know who had found out where he hid it. He had a feeling his wife was the one to blame but he wasn't about to say so. The cider had become just as much of a family staple as the throw pillows or coffee. Well maybe not as much as coffee. It was what they drank at their wedding and what he got out for every special occasion since. But he had a feeling that the crew regarded the birth of the twins as something worth splurging a little on replicator rations.

He heard Kathryn come up for air and knew that the contraction must have weakened for a moment. He looked down into her eyes and saw the same fire there that he saw every day. She would be all right, he knew. She would get through it. But it was going to be a long night for both of them.

"Do you remember when we first walked into that party together?" he said, remembering that night so many years ago. She nodded slowly, a smile on her face. "I had never been happier in all my life than I was that night." He brushed a stray lock of hair, dampened with sweat behind her ear and ran his hand along her cheek. "Little did I know, hmmm?"

She laughed, her voice tired but strong. "Little did either of us know…" She gripped his hand tightly and bit her lip. "What do you think about Adalie?"

###


	21. Sleepless Nights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chakotay and Kathryn were exhausted so they called in reinforcements.

Chakotay looked down at the two newborns in his arms. Kathryn was probably right, he thought. The twins would most likely be their last children, especially since he wasn't entirely sure that any of them would survive much longer.

He thought back to all the sleepless nights with their other children; rocking Anson to sleep in the ready room, walking the corridors of the ship with Iva, learning that the hum of the warp core was one of the only things that would sooth Rory, and forgetting all of that when it came to Maura. He had thought he knew something about getting babies to fall asleep. After all, he had always had better luck with getting their little ones to sleep than his wife. He was realizing now with some chagrin that he knew nothing, absolutely nothing about twins.

Oh sure, he had read the parenting guides that the Doctor had given them, studying them dutifully in all the spare time he had between running Voyager and raising the four children they already had. He had managed to get the gist of it: get the twins on a schedule. Having them sleep at the same time and eat at the same time would help parents be able to best care for each baby. That idea had sounded so simple in practice but in theory it was becoming a raging disaster. The twins didn't want to sleep, never mind at the same time. He should have known they would be in for a world of trouble when he leaned over their bassinets in sickbay to see that both infants were looking up at him intently, instead of sleeping like their father was desperate to do after their nine-hour labor.

Now Asa and Adalie Janeway, all of eight days old, were both screaming at the top of their lungs. In a vain attempt to give Kathryn a moment alone, he had offered to take both babies. It was only 1900 hours and he wasn't sure how they were going to make it through the night. So he had called in backup.

He heard the door chime and the twins began crying louder. Apparently, that was enough to activate the door and it swished open, revealing Tom and B'Elanna.

"Oh you poor bastard," Tom muttered, taking in the scene. "When was the last time any of you slept?"

Chakotay just laughed as B'Elanna picked up his daughter in her arms. Adalie was the fussier of the two. She was younger, only by thirteen minutes, and a little smaller just as she had been when they first found out she was going to be a girl during their first scan. She was now looking very closely at her godmother and her cries gave way to soft whimpering.

"Hey there, little girl," B'Elanna whispered as she rubbed a finger along the baby's cheek. "Let's give your daddy a chance to catch his breath."

"You're a miracle worker," Chakotay sighed as Tom picked up Asa who seemed to be following in his sister's suit of calming down.

"Where's Kathryn?" Tom asked.

"Trying to get this one to go to sleep as well," Kathryn said as she walked into the living room with Maura on her hip. "Apparently, we've decided that if the twins don't have to go to bed, neither do we." Maura seemed to think that was a wonderful joke and giggled as she buried her head in her mother's shoulder.

Kathryn looked absolutely exhausted. She had dark circles under her eyes and her long hair was tangled slightly as her daughter wove her little fingers through the locks. Her body, still recovering from giving birth to twins, was soft and rounded. But she looked beautiful to him. Despite the fact that neither of them had had a decent night's sleep since before the twins were born, her eyes still sparkled and her smile was bright.

"Did we wake her up?" Chakotay asked, groaning a little.

"I don't think she was ever asleep to begin with," his wife sighed. "I see you called in the reinforcements?"

"Guilty as charged," he said, holding up his now free hands. Maura thought this was an invitation to jump into his arms and proceeded to do so, landing on top of her father with a thud and another giggle.

"Well thank god you are here," Kathryn muttered. "I've got their bottles all ready for them but neither one has stopped crying long enough to eat."

"Would you like us to give it a try?" Tom asked as he sat down on the couch, the baby gurgling softly in his arms.

"Please," Kathryn said as she handed each of them a bottle. Chakotay just shook his head and smiled as both babies eagerly started drinking. Of course they would be perfect for Tom and B'Elanna. Of course they would. In his arms, Maura was peering down at her new little sister, watching her closely. Maura still didn't know what to make of the two new loud residents of their home. She had seemed just as excited as her siblings when they first brought the twins home but now she was looking at the baby suspiciously. She yawned slowly and turned back to her father, curling up in his arms and resting her head on his shoulder. Finally, he thought to himself.

"Come on, little one," Chakotay said as he lifted her up off the couch. "You need to be getting back to bed. You might even be able to fall asleep for an hour or so…"

"Babies!" Maura called over his shoulder, pointing at the twins.

"That's right," he said. "The babies are eating right now and then they will be going to sleep just like you." His eyes met his wife's and they shared a tired smile. Maybe, just maybe.

Kathryn leaned over to give Maura a kiss on the forehead. "Good night, sweetheart. We'll see you in the morning."

"Or sooner," Tom quipped and Kathryn gave him a look.

Chakotay brought Maura back to her room and dimmed the lights. He gently set her down in her crib and began to cover her up with her blankets. Maura had a special order that she liked her blankets each night; blue first, then the pink one. He sighed as she reminded him that he was doing it wrong. He corrected the mistake and leaned over to give her another kiss on the cheek.

"Please go to bed, kiddo."

Maura nodded dutifully and he hoped that she understood how vital it was to both his and Kathryn's well being that she actually go to sleep. He closed the door and walked back out into the living room.

B'Elanna was gently whispering to his youngest as she snuggled in close, her eyes closed. Tom was pacing back and forth, bouncing a now sleeping Asa gently. But what made him stop where he stood was that there was someone else asleep in the living room. Kathryn was curled up on the couch, her head resting on one of the pillows, her hair splayed out across it. Chakotay smiled and walked over to her, glancing at Tom who just shrugged. Apparently, the reinforcements were good at helping everyone not just babies fall asleep.

"Kathryn," he whispered, careful not to wake the twins. He knelt down next to her and ran a finger across her cheek.

"Mmmmfff?"

"You fell asleep on the couch," he said as she looked up at him with sleepy eyes.

"So?"

"So, our bed is much more comfortable," he laughed quietly as she turned to go back to sleep. "Come on," he said as he lifted her in his arms. Kathryn barely seemed to notice as she wrapped her arms around him as he carried her to their bedroom. Gently he laid her down on the bed, pulling the covers up around her. He turned off the light and closed the door.

There had been a time when Kathryn would never have allowed a member of her crew to see her like that. She had held herself to impossible standards as she strove to maintain her captain's persona. But something about having children changed all that in her. As a mother, she was just as vulnerable and fragile as anyone, and sometimes there was nothing she could do to hide that. Tom and B'Elanna had been some of the first people that she let her guard down around, in part because of his own friendship with B'Elanna but also because of the strong sister-like affection she had for Tom. She had looked out for him when he was younger and he worked every day not to disappoint her. Somewhere along the line, probably right after Miral was born, Tom had become one of her peers. They could share their worries and their dreams about their children as parents, not as coworkers. It was a special bond that he was entirely grateful for, tonight more than ever.

"Thank you guys so much for coming over tonight," he said as he collapsed on the couch.

"Don't you go falling asleep on us, old man," B'Elanna said. "We won't be able to carry you to the bed."

"Are the kids enjoying movie night?" he asked Tom, giving B'Elanna a look.

"Oh yeah, they should be home in about two hours," he said. "Which is just enough time to get these two back in bed." He glanced down at the soundly sleeping infant in his arms.

"Take Asa back to bed first," Chakotay said. "Let him get adjusted in the crib before we put his sister in there too." Tom nodded and slowly carried the baby over to the nursery. Chakotay smiled as he remembered thinking that after he and Kathryn moved in together, his old quarters could be used as storage. That had worked for about one child. When Iva came along, they expanded again to give each child their own room. Then Rory came and they expanded again. By the time Maura arrived, Rory and Iva were sharing a room so they had a nursery all ready to go. But by the time they had learned that Kathryn was pregnant with twins, they had basically reclaimed all the space from his old quarters. At times it felt like it still wasn't enough space for his growing family.

"Hey," B'Elanna said softly, bringing him back to the present. "You want to catch a nap before the rest of your hellions come home? Tom and I would be fine watching these two."

"Are you sure?" he asked, but he could tell that she meant it.

"Go, sleep. For the love of everyone on this ship, get some sleep."

"Thanks, Lanna."

"They really are beautiful babies, Chakotay," she said as he made his way back to his bedroom.

"I know," he grinned.

###


	22. Rory and Engineering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A captain doesn't always stay on the bridge.

"Captain?"

"Hmmm?" Chakotay looked up from his desk. He still wasn't quite used to the crew using that title for him.

"There is someone down in Engineering and I think you should head down and take a look," Tom Paris said, sticking his head in the ready room doorway.

"Is she six years old and supposed to be at home right now?" Chakotay sighed, putting down his padd.

"You got it."

"Great. Thanks Tom."

This wasn't the first time he had gotten this call. His middle daughter had a habit of camping out in parts of the ship that she really wasn't supposed to be in. At first he had thought the problem was that her older brother and sister kept forgetting to wait for her when their classes finished. Anson and Iva would race home, leaving Rory to find her way home on her own. Not that that would be a problem for her, Chakotay smiled at the thought. All of his children knew this ship almost better than he did. But after sitting the older two down and lecturing them to make sure their sister got home each day, he realized that they weren't the problem. Each day, Rory would purposefully fall back and eventually lose her siblings all together. More often than not she would make her way down to Engineering.

She would sit on the second level, her legs dangling off the edge and watch what was going on below. Sometimes she would bring a book to read or some of her homework, but always she sat quietly, just taking everything in. The first time it happened, B'Elanna had been the one to find her. She had looked up to see the girl who had probably only been three or four at the time looking down on the bay intently. The Chief Engineer had just sighed and went on about her business.

The next time, one of the deputies had found her and reported her to her parents. Kathryn wasn't sure how she felt about Rory spending so much time in such a sensitive area of the ship, but Chakotay had just laughed. Ironically, he had tried that argument on Kathryn when she was pregnant with Rory and spending an awful lot of time in Engineering. It only seemed fair that their daughter get to do the same. Kathryn had scowled at him for that but had relented so long as her daughter tell someone before she went down there.

When Kathryn had been pregnant with Rory, Voyager's engine had been acting up. No one was really sure what was wrong with it but it seemed that they could only stay at warp for three maybe four hours before having to drop out and make repairs. That was the reason Kathryn had spent so much time in Engineering; B'Elanna had needed every set of hands she could find. So the captain had been drafted into the repair crews. To this day, Chakotay was convinced that this was the reason why as an infant the sound of the warp core was the only thing that would calm Rory down.

As he made his way down to Engineering, he thought about how his daughter was just following in her mother's footsteps by wanting to see what was going on in the heart of the ship. Rory was still in the "look, don't touch" phase of exploration but Kathryn wasn't one to sit around and watch. It was something he loved about his wife, that she wasn't afraid to try things that she had never done before even if it took her a couple of tries. Now it was a completely regular occurrence to find Kathryn buried deep in repairs in the engine room.

***

When the doors opened, he saw her at once, lying on her back under the core, her hair falling out of its careful bun. She had one knee bent as she tried to leverage her body further down into the depths of the engine and all around her were various tools and devices, most of which he had no idea how to use. He just shook his head and smiled.

Kathryn Janeway had always been a "hands on" sort of captain. Within minutes of their sudden and abrupt arrival in the Delta Quadrant, she had sprung into action, organizing repair crews to hold her dying ship together and rounding up any officer she could find to rebuild her shattered staff. He wasn't sure she had slept for a full week after they arrived, which for Kathryn wasn't saying much he supposed. For someone who was used to surrounding herself with people she could rely on, Kathryn had found herself very much alone as the realization that the majority of her senior officers were dead or gravely injured sunk in. She had had to find people quickly who could step in and hold things together while she dealt with the next crisis. He was fairly certain that in any other captain's hands, the situation would have become much much worse.

The funny thing was after the fires were put out and the crews began to settle down again, she realized that she rather enjoyed getting to get involved with the inner workings of her ship. She admitted this to him one night over dinner when he was describing a repair job that he had been supervising in the access way to the port nacelle and he looked up to see her looking back at him wistfully.

_ "What?" she had demanded when he smiled. _

_ "You look like you wish you were working on the repair job," he said. _

_ "Can you blame me?" she laughed. "It has been so routine up on the bridge lately. I almost envy you getting to spend every day down there." _

_ "And getting to spend every day in work coveralls?" he had raised an eyebrow but she just nodded eagerly. _

_ "Sometimes I wish I wasn't the captain so that I could at least have a chance to enjoy this ship and its capabilities. Everyone else's job is to make sure that when I give the order, Voyager will be able to do whatever I need her to do. They take pride in their work and they know the quirks and intricacies of their systems. I mean, did you know that if you push the bussard collectors hard enough they can go well past their operating limits?" _

_ "I think I did know that," he had said but she had only frowned. _

_ "Well I didn't. And I think that is fascinating." _

_ "You know that it is okay for you not to know everything don't you?" he had asked, cautiously. "If you knew all of those things, the rest of us would be out of jobs." _

_ Kathryn laughed. "I suppose I do know that. This ship still feels new to me. I mean, I know every specification, everything that I am supposed to know but I still haven't felt like this is my ship yet." She sighed and ran her hand through her hair. "So maybe getting the chance to see the systems up close gives me a little bit more of a connection to this beautiful ship." _

That had been almost a year ago and now there was no doubting that Voyager was Kathryn's ship and Kathryn's alone. Chakotay liked to think that he had something to do with that. Discreetly, he had begun assigning the captain to work projects in various parts of the ship. At first it was just in engineering under the watchful eye of the chief. Then he transferred her over to the shield generators when they needed a tune up and then to the impulse manifolds, each time saying that he just didn't have enough officers to get the job done and he could really use her help. When she pressed him further, he told her that he thought the crew would benefit greatly from getting to see their captain right there with them, holding the ship together as they struggled to get home. He never told her that he was doing it for her but he figured that she would probably guess one of these days.

He hadn't known many captains who would be so willing to let their first officers come up with separate duty assignments for them but then again, he had never known a captain like Kathryn Janeway.

Soon enough, Kathryn had stopped relying on him to give her the marching orders and just went down to Engineering whenever she was needed. Like today when B'Elanna had called up to ask that some of the science officers who really didn't have much to do at the moment be assigned to her teams for the next few days. Kathryn had quipped that she was a science officer and headed straight down. He hadn't seen her in four hours and with the beta shift coming on, he figured it was probably a good time as any to check on her.

As he walked over to the core, he heard a loud clang, followed by muttering.

"Captain?" he asked, looking at her feet and cocking his head to the side, hoping to catch a glimpse of her face.

"Could you hand me that thing that looks like a can opener?" she called back.

"What?"

"The one that looks like a can opener," she repeated. "You know, the phase compensator?"

He found what he was hoping was the right tool and handed it to her. He heard rather than saw her make a few adjustments before she finally emerged from underneath.

"Don't tell me," she groaned. "I've got smudges all over my face." It was true. She had brownish grey streaks on her forehead and cheeks and her hands looked to be almost covered in the stuff.

"What is that?" he asked, taking one of her hands in his.

"I have no idea," she admitted. "But B'Elanna says it isn't dangerous so there you go." She looked up at him. "So I take it that the fact that you are down here means that I have been under that thing for quite a while now, haven't I?" she asked.

"And are you any closer to figuring out what is wrong?"

She shook her head and smiled. "But I have a feeling it has something to do with all this gunk."

He laughed and helped her up. "Come on, let's get you cleaned up."

***

"Hey there, kiddo," Chakotay said sitting down next to his daughter.

"Hi," Rory murmured, watching the engineers closely. "Am I in trouble?"

Chakotay tried not to laugh. "Why would you think that?"

"Because you are down here," she glanced over at him. "And not up on the bridge."

"A captain doesn't always have to be on the bridge," he countered. "Your mother spends an awful lot of time down here."

"You didn't answer my question."

"Oh so you caught onto that, didn't you?" he leaned down to give her a kiss on the head. "No you aren't in trouble. But you aren't supposed to be down here right now. You are supposed to be back at home with your mother. I'll bet you even have homework too."

"No, I did it already."

_ Of course you did, _ Chakotay thought to himself as shook his head as he looked at his middle daughter. Rory was almost too smart for her own good. She was often impatient with the fact that she was too young to do the same things as her older brother and sister because in her mind, she was able to keep up with them intellectually. And, Chakotay had to admit, she could more often than not. She was reading earlier than either Anson or Iva, and she started talking sooner, almost in complete sentences. He liked to think that it was Rory's way of standing out and it was one of the things that made her so special. But right now, he just wished that he didn't have to keep running down to engineering to make sure that she wasn't getting into something that she really wasn't supposed to.

"Walk with me back home?" he asked, offering her his hand. Rory nodded and then jumped into his arms, letting him carry her all the way back to their quarters. She was still his little girl after all, he thought with a smile.

###


	23. Croquet Smashing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kathryn was certain their destructiveness had to come from his side of the family. It couldn't possibly have come from her.

"The kids took up a new sport today," Chakotay said sat down in front of the monitor.

"Oh?" his wife asked on the other end. "What is it this time?"

"Guess."

"Tell me," she pleaded.

"You gave up before guessing," he pretended to pout as he switched the sleeping infant to his other shoulder, careful not to wake him up, again.

"It's almost midnight here," Kathryn protested. "I was in meetings and presentations all day. I can barely see straight," she sighed and he could see the exhaustion on her face. He decided to give her a hint.

"Think 'Alice in Wonderland'," he said.

"No," she gasped.

"Yes indeed."

"You let our children take up croquet?" she asked incredulously. She held her head in her hands, but Chakotay knew that when she did this it was less out of frustration and more trying to hold in her laughter. Judging by the smile peeking out behind her hands, he was betting on the latter.

"They took over the entire living room with wickets and those little metal things…"

"Not wickets?"

"They were smaller than the normal ones," he said. "Anson had a name for them."

"Are you sure he wasn't making up his own rules?"

"Kathryn, this is Anson we're talking about. He probably read about some archaic tradition that no one has used in centuries and decided that the only way to play the game authentically was to bend most of our forks into whatever those things are called."

"Our forks?"

"Remember how we banned him from the quartermasters after he tried to sell Rory's crib's parts?" Chakotay sighed as Kathryn's face once more fell into her hands. Maybe this time it was more frustration as she remembered that particular incident. He had just come off duty and was checking on the kids before starting dinner when he realized that Rory's crib looked a little lopsided. He stared at it for a good five minutes before realizing that several legs and railings were missing. At first he thought that their second daughter was trying to escape. He had stuck his hand in the gap between the railings and sure enough it was large enough for their little one to climb through. But as he examined the handiwork a little more closely, he had realized that who ever had deconstructed this thing knew how to use tools. It had taken him only a few more minutes to figure out which child that might have been and to track down the missing parts in the quartermasters' room. Apparently, Anson had wanted to build a trebuchet and thought that he could trade for the parts he needed. Another wonderful life lesson learned from Tom Paris.

"So he thought that destroying our silverware was a better idea?" Kathryn sighed.

"I know this may be upsetting but the forks are the least of our worries," he gave her a look and she frowned. The baby on his shoulder stirred a little in his sleep and Chakotay laid him down on his lap. "Shhhh…" he whispered as Asa settled back into a deep sleep.

"Have they been sleeping well for you?" Kathryn asked, and Chakotay recognized the look on her face instantly. She missed her children.

"They have," he smiled, nodding over to where Adalie was sleeping soundly. "I haven't," he admitted.

"Lonely in the big bed?" she mused.

He laughed. "Not exactly. Between the twins, Maura and Rory, there isn't much space left." His daughters had taken up residence in their parents' bedroom the first night Kathryn had been gone. She was always the one to take them back to their beds when they got scared. Chakotay was too much of a pushover.

"Are you getting any sleep at all?" she sighed.

"About as much as you're getting." From what Kathryn had told him, the conference sounded grueling. It would be worth it he was certain but then again he wasn't the one sitting through twelve hour general sessions being broadcast in four different languages, none of which he spoke. It just so happened that in order to get the supplies they needed, Voyager had needed to secure permission from the most disorganized, chaotic political body they had encountered thus far. And sending a delegation that didn't include the captain would simply not do.

"Tell me more about the croquet match," she said, brushing a stray lock of hair out of her face.

"Are you sure?" he asked. She looked tired enough as it was, he thought.

"Tell me," she insisted.

"Well, I was in the kitchen with the twins and all of a sudden I started hearing some banging and crashing. When I poked my head into the living room, the three of them…" Kathryn knew exactly which three of their children he was referring to. Whenever there was a loud crashing noise, it could always be traced back to Anson, Iva and Rory. "… were standing on the couch, shooting balls off the coffee table and into the walls."

"The walls?"

"Unfortunately, your ship is made of some pretty strong stuff and the croquet balls bounced until they found something less strong. Like most of your plants."

"Oh gods…."

"So I asked them what on earth they were doing and Rory turns to me and said 'the temptation to whack something with these things is just terrible, Dad!'"

Kathryn couldn't help herself and started laughing. Chakotay had a feeling that that was because she wasn't the one who had to clean up their mess. "I guess we should be glad they didn't attack each other," she smiled and shook her head. "Did Anson tell you how destroying living rooms is a traditional part of the game and he read about it somewhere?"

"No, he just grinned and said it was Iva's idea."

"It usually is."

"What are we going to do with them, Katie?" he sighed, a half smile playing across his tired face.

"Love them, feed them, never leave them," she said gently. "And ground them for the rest of the month," she added.

"One of them is already grounded for the rest of the month. For the noodle incident…" he sighed again. They were still cleaning up from that one. "Katie, if these two grow up to be anything like the other ones…"

"Hey," she said, holding her hand up to the screen. "It will all work out. It always does. I bet they even helped you clean up the mess."

"They did," he admitted. "All the while telling me about how awesome it was to watch the croquet balls smash across the living room."

"Is this another sport that they are going to be banned from forever?" she said with a smile.

"Well, the broke most of the mallets so I would say so."

"This destructiveness has to have come from your side of the family, contrary boy," she said, laughing. "Because I never did anything like this ever as a child."

"Oh really?" he grinned as he put Asa back down in the crib and picked up Adalie who was just starting to whimper. They still hadn't mastered the whole schedule thing.

"Yes really," she said with a mischievous glint in her eye. "We never blew up my mother's fence trying to build a rocket or drew all over the basement walls to plan out our starships. Honestly," a small laugh escaped her. "I really can't see where they get it from."

"How about from the woman who single-handedly destroyed half the replicators on this ship?" he shook his head, remembering.

"That was only two, yours and mine. And they deserved it," she added.

"And look how much you've grown since then!" he joked. "I'm sure they'll grow out of this phase."

"Probably just in time for the next three to hit it."

"Hopefully by then we will actually have a backyard for them to set on fire instead of just a living room."

Kathryn paled. "They did what?"

"I'm kidding," he laughed as his wife's face fell into her hands, again. "They haven't done that, yet."

"Something fun to look forward to when I get home."

"I'll tell them to wait for you."

She laughed. "I love you," she said, holding up her hand again.

"I love you too. And I can't do this without you, so come home soon."

"I will," she promised. "Kiss everyone goodnight for me and try to get some sleep," she gave him a look.

"I'll try," he said with a smile.

###


	24. Learning to be a First Officer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He fit so naturally into the role of her XO she couldn't imagine a day without him.

"Hey Dad?" Rory Janeway stuck her head into her father's office and looked around furtively.

"What's up, kiddo?"

"Is Anson in here?"

"No," Chakotay gave his daughter a puzzled look. "Should he be?"

"No, it's better this way," she whispered. "What does XO stand for?"

"It stands for Executive Officer, or First Officer."

"Thanks!" She ran over and gave him a kiss on the cheek before dashing out again. Chakotay just shook his head and smiled.

***

"Commander, I'd like you to run an NSO scan and report back with what you've got," Kathryn said as she glanced up at the view screen. She looked back at the man sitting to her left who was giving her a puzzled expression.

"What is an NSO scan?" he whispered.

"A Near Starship Objects scan," she replied conspiratorially, smiling almost. "My former First Officer used to call them that."

The former Maquis Captain nodded, and then made a big show of getting up and walking over to one of the operations officers and loudly and confidently ordering him to perform the scan.

Kathryn put her head in her hands to stop herself from laughing.

***

"Tell me what he was like," he asked.

"Who?" she said, looking up from her PADD distractedly.

"Your former first officer, Commander Cavit."

She sighed and put down her work. She had had a feeling that this topic would come up sooner or later, but she would have preferred later. It had been less than six months and this wasn't exactly something that she was comfortable talking about yet. But the man sitting across the table from her was looking at her with such sincerity and intensity in his eyes that she felt as though she could hardly say no.

"Aaron was a good officer," she began.

"I figured as much or else how would he have gotten the job?" There was just a hint of a smile in his eyes.

"Well, you got it," she commented giving him a look. He put his hand to his chest and pretended to be wounded. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that," she glanced at her hands nervously.

"It's okay, Captain," he said as he put one of his hands on top of hers. "We don't have to talk about this if you would prefer not to."

"No, it's all right." She took a deep breath and squared her shoulders. "To tell you the truth, Aaron Cavit wasn't my first choice."

"Really?"

She nodded. "He stepped in because I needed someone and he had a few months free before he was due to get his own command. He was never supposed to…"

"…supposed to die out here?"

"No," she shook her head. "No one was." Kathryn paused, trying to push the lump out of her throat. "Starfleet had sent me two warnings that I had yet to chose a first officer, as if I could forget. I was up for hours on end pouring over crew manifests, reading recommendations, interviewing, everything. But there wasn't anyone that I knew would have my back in an instant. Thinking back on it, I'm certain it was my own nerves putting up roadblocks because I was terrified to have my own command but at the time I was so sure that if I kept looking the perfect first officer would be out there."

"Eventually, I just needed someone to fill the seat until I had even more time to think things through. I guess I was hoping that with deployments ending in a few months time I would have a different crop of officers to pick from. It was foolish."

"I don't think so," Chakotay shook his head. "You didn't find anyone who met your criteria. There's no point in choosing someone you didn't even want just to say you did it."

"No, but still. Aaron knew about the trouble I was having and he offered to help."

"That was very nice of him."

"Yes it was. He was so excited about his ship, so ready to have a command of his own. But one night I saw him pouring over stacks and stacks of officer bios, tossing them this way and that, and I knew he was having the same problem I was." She laughed a little. "He almost threw one of them at me when I asked how it was going."

"He sounds like a very good man."

"He was," she said softly.

***

"There was something I didn't say when you asked me about Aaron Cavit."

"Kathryn, that was a long time ago. I can barely remember…"

"No," she said, "but I can. I told you how I struggled to find a first officer and how I chose Aaron out of desperation. And I teased you that I had done the same thing with you."

"Kathryn…."

"Chakotay, I need you to know that I didn't just choose you because you were my only option."

"Of course I know that," he smiled genuinely and grasped her hand.

"What I wanted to say then but didn't even know how to is that you were and are the best first officer I could have ever imagined. I don't know how I would have survived this long without you by my side. I never want you to think that you are constantly being compared to the person to held this position before you."

"I don't. Kathryn, you know I don't. You and I both started completely fresh when we got here. There was nothing in either of our past experiences that could have prepared us for what was in store, nothing in the experiences of others that we could have turned towards to guide us through this journey."

"It would have been so much easier if there had been some sort of guide."

"Don't worry, Kathryn, they'll probably make you a saint when we get home," he smiled, wrapping his arm around her shoulder.

"Or worse, an admiral," she groaned. "You really are a wonderful first officer."

"Thank you, Captain."

***

"Oh my word, Kathryn, come look at this," he called not even glancing up from the computer screen.

"No."

Now he did look up. "What?"

"No," she sighed exasperatedly. "No I'm not getting up."

He frowned, and walked over to where his wife was stretched out on the couch, her head buried in a pillow and a hand rubbing circles on her growing belly. He kneeled down and removed the pillow so he could see her face.

"Hi," he tried.

"Don't talk." She snatched the pillow back.

"What?"

"You can't talk," came a very muffled voice.

"Okay," he sighed, sitting down on the coffee table.

"Not until you've been pregnant at least once."

"Katie, would you like to go lie down on the bed?"

"No. I can't," she huffed. "You see, I'm 'with child.' Lying down is uncomfortable, sitting down is uncomfortable, and standing up is uncomfortable." She finally looked up at him and sighed. "You look like you want to hug me."

He couldn't help but laugh. "I do."

"But I'm far too large for any of that…." She threw her head dramatically back against the pillow.

"C'mere, Katie," he said, putting his arms around her. "I've got something to show you."

"You'll have to help me up," she groaned. He helped her to her feet and guided her over to the computer. "What did you find?" she said, folding her arms across her chest.

"I was going through some of Commander Cavit's files."

"Aaron's files?" she asked, surprised. "I would have thought that they would have been locked down."

"I wanted to send them to his family, now that we can."

Kathryn looked up at her husband. "That was very thoughtful of you."

"But here, look what I found," he said, allowing her to sit down in the chair. It took her a few moments to get herself adjusted and a few grunts as she wrestled with the pillow he of course had brought for her.

"It's a letter that he wrote for the next first officer to come after him. He knew he would be leaving to get his own ship so he wanted to pass along what he learned about serving with you to the next person."

"Tell me there is nothing terribly incriminated in there," she said, biting her lip.

"It is actually very sweet," her husband assured her. "He wrote about how strong and determined you are, how you like to get your hands dirty every now and then and how you have a penchant for taking younger and less experienced officers under your wing. Listen to this: 'Kathryn Janeway is a remarkable captain in every sense of the word. This is her passion and her life's work and she will expect nothing less from the people who serve under her. She has an inspiring way of lifting the quality and skill of everyone around her and helping them learn in the process.' "

He looked down to see his wife holding a hand up to her mouth as she continued reading along with him. "He knew you pretty well, didn't he?" he finally asked.

"Ever since command school," Kathryn's voice was shaking now, full of deep emotion. " 'I was deeply honored to serve alongside her for these last few months,' " she continued reading, " 'and were circumstances different, I would choose to stay on Voyager with her. I have no doubt in my mind that you will enjoy your time with her as much as I have….' Chakotay, I don't know what to say." She looked up at him as the tears began to spill down her face.

"Hey there," he said, bending down to brush the tears off her cheeks. "This wasn't supposed to make you sad."

"Everything makes me sad," she tried to laugh, "or cry, or yell, or laugh or anything!"

"Want to see my favorite part of the letter?" she nodded eagerly. " 'There is one last thing about Kathryn Janeway that you need to know about her before you take on the position as Executive Officer. This woman loves her coffee,' " a laugh escaped Kathryn. " 'She cannot live without the stuff. Don't ever come between her and her coffee and you will be fine. Don't ever let her run out of coffee, even if it looks as though one more cup might send her into warp. Don't talk to her about decaf, and don't mention doing anything to coffee except drinking it strong and black. If you live by these rules, you'll do well. Sincerely, Aaron Cavit, acting First Officer USS Voyager, Stardate 48289.4.'"

"Do you realize when this was written?" she said, peering down at the computer screen. "Right before…"

"I saw," he said with a sad smile. "Kathryn, if you ever have any doubt that you forced him into this or that it is your fault that he was out here when it happened, please remember this. This man cared for you and was devoted to serving with you. You did not let him down."

"Thank you," she said, leaning over to give him a kiss on the cheek. "Now will you please help me back to my couch?"

***

"Dad?" Rory poked her head in again.

"Hey, kiddo. Back for more?"

"Why are you the XO?" she asked, leaning her head slightly to one side. "Anson said you are older than Mom."

Chakotay tried not to roll his eyes. This was looking like it was going to be just about as much fun as the last name issue. "I'm the XO because your mother asked me to be her XO. And yes, I am older than her."

"But Iva says that the older you get the higher your rank should be."

"Not exactly, sweetheart."

"Then what?"

"Your rank depends on how hard you work…"

"So Mom works harder than you?"

"Damn straight!" Kathryn called from the other room as Chakotay quickly covered his almost seven-year-old daughter's ears.

"….AND your years of experience," he finished.

"So why aren't you a captain?"

"I was a captain once, a long time before you were born."

"But you weren't a Starfleet captain," Rory said, giving him a look.

"No…" he admitted.

"Then why aren't you a captain now?"

"Rory…"

"Honey, he's not a captain because he is too busy being my first officer," Kathryn said, finally coming to her husband's rescue. She stood in the doorway with a baby on her hip and sighed. "Why are you so worried about this?"

"Cause Anson says he's gonna be a captain before me!" Rory stomped her foot as if this was the most logical thing in the world and her parents just couldn't seem to get it. "And I told him that if Mom is a captain and she's younger than Dad than I could be a captain before him. And then he said no, that wasn't how it worked. And then I said…"

"Okay, okay, we understand," Chakotay sighed as Kathryn began to laugh. "You want to help me with this one?" he looked up at his wife pleadingly.

"No thanks. You are the first officer after all."

Chakotay rolled his eyes. "Anson!"

###


	25. Shattered But Not Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What if he had been able to tell her that they had crossed all the barriers?

"Should I go down to the cargo bay and get us another bottle?" she asked as they finished dinner.

He shook his head. "I still don't know how you figured out where I was keeping it. If I didn't know better, it is almost as if …" his voice trailed off.

"As if what?" she asked, watching him closely.

"Never mind. It's impossible."

"You're talking about that one time with the deflector dish, aren't you? When you went back in time and wouldn't tell me anything about it."

"I never said I went back in time."

"Then how can you explain how I knew where you keep the cider?" she countered.

"I'll bet Naomi told you."

"A good captain's assistant always keeps her captain well informed. But no, it wasn't Naomi."

"Then who was it?" he asked, a puzzled smile on his face.

"It was you," she said, leaning over to give him a kiss.

***

His heart had stopped in his chest the moment he had walked off the turbolift and onto the bridge. He had known instantly that it wasn't his bridge, his Voyager. And then he saw her and he knew. The Kathryn Janeway that stared back at him with alarm wasn't his wife, at least not yet. She was younger, her hair swept back into a bun, and her face betraying only the slightest hint of inexperience. But most importantly she wasn't pregnant.

When he had gotten up that morning, he was fairly certain his wife had been pregnant. Hugely pregnant in fact. Which was why he had gone down to Engineering when the call had come in that there was something going on. As much as Kathryn loved to get her hands dirty, they both knew better. She had gone up to the bridge instead, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek. He should have known that the one time they had finally found a babysitter and were having a nice dinner to themselves would be too good to be true.

His mind reeled as he tried to take in what was going on but before he could, she had had him taken into custody. He tried not to smile at the absurdity of it all. It was as if he had gone back to square one with her, needing to convince her to trust him or to at least work with him in order to get the ship out of danger. It was a battle he thought they had put behind them almost seven years ago. But then again, this Kathryn was from a time almost seven years ago.

Slowly, he was able to build a relationship with her as they traveled through the ship. Every now and then she would laugh or say something that would remind him instantly of his wife. Even so, he had been struck by how much his wife had changed in the time she had known him. She had become much more comfortable in her role as captain. She didn't hold herself to impossible standards anymore and she didn't take everything too seriously. He could see that in this young captain, just starting to develop her own style and confidence.

He was careful never to mention anything about the two of them in her future. When she wanted to erase the entire timeline of their journey in the Delta Quadrant, it had taken a great deal of self-control not to tell her exactly what she would be throwing away. But he worried she wouldn't be able to understand it or appreciate it. After the first few hours they spent together, the Captain could only see the hardships and the suffering. He couldn't really blame her for that. In her position, he would have been terrified and would have tried every way he could to prevent what could only be seen by an outsider as utter catastrophe from happening.

And at first, she didn't want to know about the timeframes they kept slipping through. She had been content with the faint hint of context he could give her and tried to shrug off her curiosity. He could also see that just like his wife, the Captain was fighting off a time travel related headache. She knew the consequences of violating the Temporal Prime Directive as well as he did and he had only had to remind her a few times when she began asking him for more details about the world they walked through.

Eventually though, when their plan began to take shape, she pressed further with her questions. She wanted to know how he came to be her first officer, what happened to his ship, his crew and hers, and how they all came to be in the Delta Quadrant. He had simply held up his hands and told her that he couldn't tell her all those things, but she persisted. She wheedled it out of him the way his wife wheedled everything out of him, with a glare and a smile. Little by little he told her of the life he had lived in the seven years that separated them, of the decisions they made together that brought him to where he was and of the more difficult choices that she had made alone. All the while, the Captain listened quietly, her eyes searching his for further information about her future. Every now and then, he would catch her looking at his wedding band but she never said anything.

Almost everything around her seemed to spark a question in her and it was all he could do to keep up.

"Why don't you want your Captain to know where the cider is hidden?" she asked as he examined a gel pack.

He laughed and looked over at her far too serious expression. "It isn't really her I'm worried about. It's the rest of the ship."

"Once they know…" she nodded, catching on.

"Exactly. The stuff will be gone in no time."

Kathryn sighed as she watched him work. "It's strange to think about her, your Captain, that is and how she is me but different." She shook her head. "Does that make sense?"

"I suppose it does," he admitted.

"Are we really different? What is she like, Chakotay?"

"She's you," he said simply, "only a little older, a little wiser, and a little less…." His voice trailed off as he tried to find the right word.

"Uptight?" the Captain offered.

"Well, I wasn't going to say it, but yes. She is more confident now than when I first met her, more sure of her decisions. Almost nothing rattles her. And she has a wonderful sense of humor."

"She sounds much more comfortable with her crew and her role as captain than I am," she said.

"She worked hard to find a balance between being a part of the family of our crew and continuing to lead. It hasn't been easy for her but she has done a remarkable job," he said, smiling. "You're already more like her than you realize."

"You think so?" she asked, almost shyly.

"I see her passion in your eyes, her excitement about exploration…"

"Do you really have any time to explore if you are working so hard to get back home?" the younger woman asked, frowning.

"Of course we do," he assured her. "We are seeing things that no one else in our civilization has ever seen before and might not see again for hundreds of years. We feel it is our responsibility to continue exploring and discovering, even though we are facing a long journey back to the Alpha Quadrant."

"It is going to take you…" she stopped, "…us a very long time to do that."

"We know," he said, handing her the hypospray.

"You might not live to see Earth again."

"I know." It was a thought he didn't like to dwell on. There was a very good chance that he and Kathryn would die on Voyager, not of the many disasters the young Captain seemed to think they would face, but of old age. Seventy years was an incredibly long time. It was one of the reasons that it had been so natural for Voyager to progress into a generational ship. His children might have to carry on their mother's mission to finally get her ship home. His wife had thought that was an incredibly large and unfair burden to place on the shoulders of two and soon three children. But he had reminded her that it was just their children; it would be all the children on the ship. With each passing year more and more families had begun and new lives joined their crew. And of course, everyone joked that the Captain and First Officer were single-handedly doing their best to turn the ship into a generational one.

The young Captain had left it at that and they had continued their work, returning to the light banter that she seemed more comfortable with. It wasn't until everything had been dealt with and they were standing in Engineering ready to attempt their plan to put the ship back together again that she pulled him aside.

"Mind if I ask you one last question?" she asked, a smile playing on her lips.

"Will I have to break the Temporal Prime Directive to answer it?"

"Maybe, just a little." She paused as if making up her mind about what she wanted to say. "For two people who started off as enemies, it seems we get to know each other pretty well. So I've been wondering. Just how close do we get?"

He should have known this question was coming. For all the differences they had talked about between his captain and the one standing in front of him, they were still exactly the same. Of course she would want to know.

He couldn't see much harm in telling her, not then anyway. The timeline was going to reset and if all went as planned he would be the only one to remember what had happened. And if not, she deserved to know why he couldn't take his eyes off her.

He had taken a deep breath. "We're married. We have been for over five years in my time." He watched as her face slowly lit up into a smile and he could tell that she had been hoping he would say that. He subconsciously turned his wedding ring around on his finger.

"And are you happy?" she asked and he could hardly believe it.

"More happy than I could have ever even imagined possible," he smiled.

"Do you and she have children?" she asked.

He nodded. "We've got two adorable children, a son and a daughter, and..." he smiled as he looked at the slender form of the woman next to him, "another one on the way. You, that is, my wife is convinced that this one is going to be a girl too, but I'm still holding out hope that our son won't be completely outnumbered by his sisters." He looked up to see her gazing back at him intently, smiling slightly as she envisioned her future.

"It didn't take you long to convince me to marry you, did it?" she asked softly.

"No, it didn't. I loved you from the moment I set eyes on you, but you were more focused on getting the crew back home. It wasn't until we were trapped off the ship for an extended period of time that you finally came to terms with the fact that the feeling was mutual. We began our relationship about two years into our journey in the Delta Quadrant. We were married a year and a half later and Anson was born a year after that."

"Anson?"

"Our son. He's five."

"And your daughter?"

"Iva. She's four and she looks just like her mother," he smiled.

"Those are beautiful names. Do you have any in mind for the new baby?"

Chakotay laughed. "My Kathryn has been pestering me for weeks on that one. We can't seem to agree on anything because she is so convinced that we are having another daughter. She loves the name Rory, though."

"I think that is a lovely name," the Captain said, placing her hand on his arm. "And I think she is right, you know, about the baby. My mother could always tell if she was having a boy or a girl."

"My wife keeps reminding me of that too."

Kathryn shook her head and looked about the room. "It all seems so remarkable, so perfect that I can't even imagine how I'm ever going to get to that point."

"You will, don't worry," he assured her.

"Well," the Captain said as she straightened her shoulders. "I guess I have a lot to look forward to."

"We both do," he smiled.

She held out her hand and he shook it. "See you in the future."

***

"Kathryn, what are you saying?"

"What does it sound like I'm saying?"

"You remembered? You remembered everything I told her...you?" he asked incredulously.

"Yes," she admitted almost sheepishly. "No one thought I would. When you reset the timeline, everything went dark and we returned to the moment right before …" she sighed. "Right before everything went wrong. I didn't notice anything odd at first, but then I kept having these moments of déjà vu. Only it wasn't because I had never experienced those things before. Just little instances where I remembered when you and I passed through a particular timeline. At first I thought it was all a dream."

"You remembered going through the ship and visiting all those different parts of your future…" he held his head in his hands. "Temporal investigations is going to lock both of us up for a very long time."

"Very funny," she said as she put her hand on his cheek. "I remembered what you told me about how I would grow into my role as captain, about how our ship would survive out here, about how you fell in love with me…"

"Kathryn, this happened almost six years ago. Why didn't you tell me?" he asked.

"I told you that night when you asked how I knew where you hid the cider."

"I thought you were kidding."

"Obviously not."

"I can't believe you remembered," Chakotay said, still unable to fully comprehend what she was telling him. "Do you have any idea how that was even possible?"

"Oh I can't tell you that," his wife said with a smile. "Temporal prime directive."

###


	26. Moments in the Lift

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes it was just the journey.

Kathryn groaned. She had put this off long enough and now it was time. Whatever was wrong with her ship wasn't something that B'Elanna could explain over the comm. Kathryn had to go see it for herself, or so she had been told. Normally she liked getting to go down and get her hands dirty, but tonight she was ready to leave it all to the specialists. And when the specialists ask for their captain to join them in the repairs then there isn't anything else to do but to show up with your boots on, she thought. Regardless, it was time to go.

"I'll be in Engineering," Kathryn called as she rose from her seat on the bridge and made her way to the turbolift.

Her husband must have seen the resigned look on her face, which she imagined looked something like a prisoner who had just been sent to a dungeon. "I'll ride with you," he said quickly, stepping into the turbolift behind her. She gave him a doubtful look. "I've got these reports to deliver to Sickbay," he assured her and she shrugged.

The doors closed behind him and the lift began to descend. As the warm lights started to glow against the walls of the small transport, Kathryn felt herself start to relax. Her posture, always perfectly straight on the bridge, loosened a bit as she held a hand up to her head, silently willing her headache away. Slowly but surely, her captain's mask was beginning to fall away, if only for a few moments. Her husband saw what she was doing and no doubt saw the exhaustion written on her face. He could always tell those things, she sighed. Never had she been ever to hide anything from him in that regard. Sometimes she joked that he could tell if she was under the weather or tired even before she knew. And he always seemed to know she was pregnant before the thought even dawned on her.

She knew the reports he was carrying in his hand didn't need to get to Sickbay right away. He could just as easily have sent them to the Doctor or even waited until morning. But he wanted a moment with her. And a moment was probably all they would get tonight. He would be on the bridge for the next few hours before heading home to see the kids. And she would be in Engineering until everything was settled down there. He knew her well enough that he didn't ask her to take a break or even give herself a chance to exhale before plunging into a situation. But he did know that he could trap her in the turbo lift and force her to relax as they made their way down through the ship.

She watched him warily, hoping that he wouldn't call for a halt and actually force her to take a moment for herself. He'd done it before. But tonight he didn't seem to feel the need to go for that option of last resort. He wrapped his arm around her waist and she leaned her head against his shoulder, sighing.

"You okay?" he asked, quietly.

"Oh yeah," she said with a smile. "Just tired."

"You look wonderful, as always," he leaned over to give her a kiss on the forehead.

"Liar," she muttered but took the compliment. "You look like crap yourself."

"Thank you," he flashed her a grin. Of course he didn't. Even after a long day on the bridge, he still looked as handsome as usual. She was fairly certain that despite his comments otherwise, she looked like someone who had been run over by a train. She certainly felt like it.

The doors opened and he stepped out, turning to give him one last smile. He held her hand and gave her a gentle squeeze.

"You'll be okay with the kids for a couple of hours?" she asked although she knew the answer.

"Of course," he assured her. "Don't stay down there too long."

"I'll try not to break anything," she said, giving him a smile.

The doors closed and she continued on her way.

There was something about the lift that served to give them a moment of peace in a ship that constantly demanded their attention. For Kathryn, during that first horrendous year, the moment the doors would close, she would double over, physically unable to bear the strain of keeping her ship together. But always when the door opened, the captain was back and ready to continue on.

More and more during those first few years, she and Chakotay began to take the turbolift together. It gave them a chance to talk in private and away from their duties. Somehow the ready room couldn't provide that sort of freedom. Her husband had been a fan of calling the lift to a halt if they were in the middle of a serious conversation, but Kathryn was always worried that when they finally opened the door there would be some impatient crewmember glaring at them. There never was, of course.

There was a kind of intimacy that was shared between two riders in a lift. They were trapped together in a small space, each with a destination in mind but for the moment stuck in transit. Kathryn thought it was silly but she realized that riding the turbo lift was a good exercise in patience. She had to wait to get to where she wanted to go and she had to sit with her thoughts as it were. Sometimes, after particularly late nights, all the events of the day would flood back to her as she stepped into the privacy of the turbo lift, her transport back to the safety and security of her quarters. Her husband, long before he was her husband, could always tell when her mind had caught onto something and wouldn't let go, worrying over it until it made her miserable. But he wouldn't ever press her about it. He seemed to understand that in those first few years, she needed to carry her burdens alone. She didn't want to talk about the decisions she had made each day on the bridge, even if it would help quiet her restless mind. So Chakotay would reach a hand out to hers and give her a smile and a gentle squeeze. And that was all.

Eventually as their relationship grew and their roles as captain and first officer changed, she began to give in to his kind eyes and wonderful dimples and allow him to share in her burden. Often as they rode the lift down to Engineering or one of the science labs, she would tell him what was on her mind. Most of the time he would nod understandingly and offer her comforting advice. Every now and then he would almost laugh at the absurd things she worried about, which would in turn make her laugh as well, the problem slipping away into the back of her mind. She loved when her complaints were rewarded with a smile or a laugh and began to try to find ways to bring those out of him more and more. It wasn't hard. Her first officer was always giving her little shows of encouragement, even if she was too frustrated to appreciate it.

After one particularly awful day on the bridge, not unlike today, Kathryn thought to herself; where the warp drive kept sputtering out and they were faced with crossing a section of space in about twenty thousand times more time than anyone had originally predicted, she was in no mood for cheering up. She wanted to wallow. She wanted to complain about how awful it was that the damn ship couldn't even go as fast as a shuttle so how the hell were they going to ever make it home. She knew Chakotay would have some comforting words about how the engineering crews were already working to fix the problem and that they would make up the time in, well, no time. But she didn't want to hear it. Somehow though, he had known that.

She remembered running her hand through her hair and thinking about how she just wanted to curl up in a ball when she noticed him smiling. The lift was humming quietly and she shot him a glare.

"Why are you smiling?" she asked pointedly.

He shook his head and kept his mouth shut. A small part of Kathryn's mind was thinking that he was probably playing it safe given her current mood, but she pressed him further.

"Tell me how you can have any amount of good cheer after a day like that," she said, leveling him with another glare.

She saw him resign to his fate. Not much stood up to the Janeway death glare. "I was thinking how beautiful you looked."

She stared at him, waiting for him to tell her this was another one of his wonderful jokes at her expense. But he held her gaze earnestly.

"Why are you smiling when I look so awful?" she sputtered. She had been on her feet for the better part of twenty hours and she knew that the dark circles she had seen on her face that morning most likely hadn't disappeared like their warp field.

"You look beautiful, Kathryn," he repeated.

"Thank you," she sighed as the lift came to a halt and he stepped out, leaving her dumbfounded with a slow smile creeping across her face. She shook her head and sighed. She'd have to thank him for that, she thought at the time.

Another time, after an encounter with the Borg, she thought she might faint in the lift as the adrenaline that had carried her through the day left her. She leaned against the sides, steadying her shaking arms against the railing as she felt her strength leave her. She felt his strong hands wrapping around her body, holding her close. Before she realized what was happening, she had melted into his arms. As the lift rushed to their destination, he quietly stroked her hair and whispered that it would all be okay. That was one particular turbolift ride that she had hoped would never end.

And then there was the kissing. It had started out innocently enough. He had been gone on a trade mission turned hostage situation for almost a week and as soon as he had been brought safely aboard, Kathryn found herself racing down to the shuttle bay to meet him. He, of course, was racing up to meet her. They met at the lift and he slowly pulled her inside, commanding the lift to take them to her quarters. He held her tightly in his arms, kissing her hair and shaking his head at how lucky he was. As the doors opened, she felt her lips touch his as a surge of emotion swept through her body. She was grateful there wasn't anyone waiting at the lift this time.

They weren't always so lucky. There was one time, one particular time that she hadn't been able to resist the roguish look he was giving her as they rode up to the bridge one morning. Before either of them knew what was going on they were locked in a tight embrace as he kissed her soundly and she responded in kind. Neither of them heard the doors to the lift open but they sure as hell heard the whistles and applause as their entire bridge crew was instantly alerted to the change in their relationship status. Kathryn turned all shades of red and Chakotay said later that it had taken a lot of self-control not to take a bow. She had given him a glare for that one.

As time passed they were more and more careful about their adventures in the turbo lift, but it still didn't stop a few awkward moments from happening along the way. One particularly romantic evening had carried into the turbolift the next morning and Kathryn was shocked when the doors opened, not on the bridge, but on another deck to pick up more crewmembers. What was worse was that one of those crewmembers was Tom Paris. "For gods sake, Tom. You were at the wedding," Chakotay had muttered as Tom's jaw hit the floor. From then on they were much more careful.

Even though rides in the lift were brief, the two of them had managed to have a lot of wonderful moments during them. Some of them she would remember for a long time. Others helped her get through particularly difficult days. Chakotay used to joke that if they needed to discuss something important that they should just take the lift and it got to the point where their older children would say that they needed to "ride the lift" if they wanted a moment alone. And then of course there was the fact that her children frequently did ride the lifts, all on their own, exploring the entire ship almost always without permission. Thank goodness for comm badges tracking capabilities.

She felt rather than heard the lift slowing down as she approached her destination. She shook her head as she tried to clear her thoughts and focus. It was time to go back to work. She squared her shoulders, straightened her jacket and exited through the open doors.

"All right, B'Elanna," she said as she entered Engineering. "Let's get this ship moving again."

###


	27. Voyager and her Captain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They shared a bond few others could understand.

"Mom's mad at you," his oldest daughter said matter-of-factly.

Chakotay tried not to smile. "I sort of figured that one out, kiddo." What with the glares he had been getting all day on the bridge and the crashing sounds that were coming from the kitchen, he had figured out very quickly that something was very wrong with his wife. And that, in her mind, it was his fault.

He considered himself to be a relatively smart man. He understood the complex systems that kept the ship beneath his feet operating and he understood the complexities of the people to who kept those systems running. He had always been intuitive and sensitive to the needs of others. He learned quickly the sorts of things that would push Kathryn's buttons (it had taken her a lot longer to learn his) and he tried as hard as he could to avoid getting himself into hot water. Oh sure, he loved to tease her but then Kathryn Janeway could give as good as she got so it was all fair.

And yet, he had simply stated a fact, or at least what he considered to be a fact, and she had flown off the handle. He was going to be apologizing for this one for at least a decade.

"What did you do?" Iva asked, her eyes twinkling.

"I told her that this ship is getting old."

###

"Kathryn, what are you doing for the rest of the afternoon?" She looked up to see Admiral Patterson standing in her office doorway.

"Why do I get the feeling that there is going to be a change in my plans?" she arched and eyebrow and offered him a seat.

"How about a trip over to the shipyards with me? They are going to lay the keel of the next intrepid class in a couple of hours," Patterson mentioned as offhandedly as he could.

"An intrepid?" Kathryn asked. "We've had ships of that class for some time now. What makes this one worthy of a visit from a three star admiral?"

"Trust me, this one is going to be a special," Patterson assured her. "She's a variant on the design. Faster, capable of 9.975 and built to go out for a long time between refueling and replenishment."

"And Ken is okay with all this?" Kathryn shook her head. Of course the Admiral had already contacted her captain to make sure it was all right if he whisked his first officer away for a couple of hours. Their ship was docked for the next couple of weeks while they took on supplies and new personnel. About the only thing Kathryn had to do was make sure she knew all the new faces.

"Katie, this isn't a request from an old professor," Patterson said as he handed her a padd. "I want you to come see this ship because she is going to be yours."

Kathryn felt her heart stop as she looked at the orders in her hand. "My own command?" she asked quietly.

"She'll be ready to sail in four months. Think you'll be ready too?"

Kathryn grinned. "Yes sir."

###

From the moment she stepped on to her ship she had known her father would have loved it. There was something almost magical about the sleek lines and sturdy bulkheads that curved to form the vessel, something that harkened back to the older designs of the fleet. It reminded her of her father's ships and the feeling she got when she first stepped aboard was exactly how she felt as a child visiting the great ships that her father commanded. He would have loved this.

The official tour had been earlier that day and she hadn't stopped grinning since. She had tried to get some rest or at least get something done before the in-depth system tours began in the morning, but she couldn't focus. She kept gazing out the window of the station's habitation area, longing to catch a glimpse of her ship off in high orbit. Finally, she decided she just had to see it for herself one more time.

Unlike the previous tour, which was during the busiest part of the work shift, Voyager was almost silent now. The construction crews rotated to other ships and the new ship did not yet have enough officers to perform an adequate 24-hour rotation. The ship was empty, with only the faint blue lights of the work lamps lighting her way. Everything looked different now. Her ship would probably never look like this again, she mused. Her ship. There was something about that phrase that still gave her chills when she thought about it. Of course, when the Admiral had first told her about it, she had been excited and almost confident about the new assignment. This was something she had been working so hard towards and she could hardly believe it was here.

She tiptoed around a corridor and came to the bridge, her breath catching in her throat. Schematics really hadn't prepared her for this. Not even zero-gravity tours of the not yet assembled frame or hours spent watching from the Utopia Planitia observation decks as the large mechanical arms built a starship from scratch could have helped her understand the momentous feeling of walking on to her own bridge. She would be the first to command the ship. No one else had ever sat in that chair and ordered the engines to engage. No one had faced a tough decision while gazing out that viewport. Some of her friends from command school had gone on to command ships with legendary histories. Heroes of the fleet, incredible tacticians and even their own former commanding officers had sat where they now were and had laid the groundwork for the operation of that ship. They stood on the shoulders of those who came before them. Of course, every captain stood on the advancements and achievements of those who came before, whether they were inheriting their ship or not. But being the first to command a brand new ship was like walking out on the edge of a cliff only to realize that you were simply standing on a clear platform showing you just how far you could fall.

Gingerly, as if afraid to disturb the profound silence of the sleeping ship, Kathryn made her way down the stairs to the captain's chair. Her chair. She had sat in it earlier that afternoon, feeling a rush of emotions and responsibility and nearly been overwhelmed by it. She looked at it furtively now, wondering how she would ever come to think of it as her own. She shook her head and sighed.

The bridge was beautiful. It was different from any configuration she had ever seen before. There was only one station at the front, for her pilot, and a seat off to the left, her left, of the captain's chair. The scientific, tactical and operational consoles surrounded them like a semi-circle. She glanced over at the other chair next to hers, the first officer's chair. She could barely wrap her head around the fact that she was now a captain and hadn't even begun to think about finding someone to sit beside her, physically and metaphorically. She was almost scared to, as if it was the last step in committing to this grand endeavor. Somehow she worried that if she chose a first officer, Voyager would suddenly be taken away from her. It didn't make any sense, but then again, fear never did.

She had never felt this way about a bridge before. When she walked on to a bridge for the first time as a commander or even as a lieutenant, there had been a sense of reverence and slight fear, but she had been so determined to get everything right that she just pushed through it. She had been working so hard towards her goal that she had barely stopped to see where she was. She wasn't the type to get star struck; she never took anything too seriously. Until now.

She had felt something like this the first time she had ever been on a starship, patiently following her father as he moved through his ship. He stopped to check in on various officers and departments, listening to their reports and updates and giving them encouragement as it was needed. He smiled and laughed as he talked with his crew, creating an environment where they were comfortable to come forward with their ideas no matter how strange or new they might be. He had been a leader and a mentor, something she had desperately wanted to be as well. He had been brave, something she often found herself wishing she could be. And he had sacrificed it all to save his crew, something she hoped she would never ever have to do.

Her father's death had almost derailed her completely. It had taken everything she had and several buckets of cold water for her to even begin to pick up her life again. In those first few terrible months, she had questioned everything; the service that he had devoted his life to and the same life that she felt herself hurtling uncontrollably towards. She wondered if it was foolish to even aspire to a career that had the potential to take away everything she held dear. She couldn't bear the thought of her loved ones going through the pain that she had just because she had made a decision to put her crew before herself. How could she ever have a family or even a husband with that constant fear looming over her?

But she had come through it all, more determined than ever to make the most of what time she had. Her family had understood. Her mother had been married to Starfleet and knew first-hand the sort of passion that drove its officers. Her siblings had understood as well, even if Kathryn herself did not. But ever since she was a little girl and had stopped in the lift when it reached the bridge, unable to get out and mesmerized by the sheer beauty of what she saw, she had known that this would be her life.

Her father would have loved this ship. He would have loved to see how far technology had come, how his work had furthered the development of the organization he loved so much. He would have smiled knowingly when she boasted about the new computer core and the warp drive. He would have asked all the right questions, knowing how desperately she wanted him to be proud of her. But somehow she knew that he was. He was proud of her, even if he couldn't see it himself. Her brand new ship, not even finished, was going to do amazing things and she knew he would always be a part of it.

###

"Um… Captain, should it be making that noise?" Tom Paris looked over his shoulder at her as the ship began to shudder. A low thrumming noise was reverberating through the decks, not quite regular but enough to let everyone know that something wasn't right.

"Honestly, Tom, I really don't…" she began. Suddenly there was a loud crash as sparks flew across the bridge. "Apparently not," she finished.

They were all still getting used to this ship and its quirks, of which, Kathryn was hesitant to admit, there seemed to be many. Voyager had taken a real beating upon arriving in the Delta Quadrant and through what felt like sheer will, she had managed to hold her ship together. Now it seemed as though their "in the heat of the moment" repairs were failing in some sort of irregular sequence. It was looking like they would need to find a quiet area of space and shut everything down so they could do major repairs. There were no starbases, no resupply vessels and no ships full of engineers ready to make her ship whole again. It was completely up to the people enclosed within its bulkheads. She had no doubt that they could do it. Already she had seen her new blended crew work miracles. But it would have helped if they weren't being shot at.

"Red alert. Shields up," she called. The repairs would have to wait.

###

"She'll hold."

"I don't mean to doubt you."

"Then why do I get the feeling you still don't believe me?" she sighed as she gave him a look.

"Because I'm trying to think practically," he said as he handed her a padd. She knew what it was going to say; that was she was planning was reckless or dangerous or irresponsible. They had had this conversation before, year after year, and each time she had pushed him to understand just how much she cared for this ship was determined to get the most of her. In the past he had always, eventually, come to her side. It was just a matter of convincing him that whatever she wanted to do was necessary to ensure that they got their crew home safe. And this time, she was fairly certain that what she was proposing wasn't so reckless or dangerous or irresponsible. She just wanted to push the engines a little harder to test out the new technology that they had just acquired. Even he could see the logic in that, couldn't he?

"This ship has been our home, it's kept us together, it's been part of our family," she said, reminding him. "Voyager can handle a lot more than we give her credit for."

"I know," he sighed. "But I just want to say that I think we need to be careful. This ship isn't as young as she used to be."

"We'll see about that," Kathryn said as she shot him a glare.

###

"That's it?" Iva asked incredulously.

"She loves this ship a lot, Iva," he tried to explain. "It makes her sad to admit that Voyager has been through a lot and isn't the way it was all those years ago."

"But Voyager will be okay?" his daughter asked, her voice timid as she ran a hand along a bulkhead in a gesture that instantly reminded him of her mother.

"Of course. Voyager isn't going anywhere. We may have to do another big overhaul but this ship was built to last," he assured her.

"Until we get back home?"

It always made him smile when his children referred to Earth as home. None of them had ever been there but they seemed to understood how important it was to their parents. "With a couple decades to spare," he said with a smile.

"Well, Mom is still mad at you. I wouldn't go near the kitchen unless you are well-armed," Iva said as she gave him a look.

"Duly noted. Thank you for the warning."

Iva turned to leave the room but then stopped and turned back to him. "She isn't pregnant again, is she?" Iva furrowed her brow and Chakotay almost choked on his coffee. "She doesn't like you when she's pregnant."

"No," he managed. "Mom's not pregnant."

"Oh." Iva thought on that for a while. "Oh well."

"Trust me, Iva. Your mother will be more than mad at me if she gets pregnant again."

"Because you won't let her drink coffee?"

He figured that was as good an answer as his eleven-year-old daughter should get. "Yeah, she really does like her coffee. Almost as much as she loves this ship."

Iva laughed but that was the truth. He had known from the beginning that he would have to share his wife with coffee and a starship.

"C'mere," he said, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and pretending to duck behind her. "Be my shield while I go apologize to your mother."

###


	28. Sailing and Coda

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kathryn and Chakotay spend the afternoon with their older three children.

Kathryn felt the wind in her face and smelled the cooling scent of the water around her. For a moment, she closed her eyes. She could almost believe that she was back on Earth again, surrounded by nature and far way from any technology. A splash of water brought her back to reality. Kathryn gasped at how real it all felt.

"Sorry, Mom!" Iva called as another strong gust of wind blew the waves up to her mother's cheek. Her braided reddish brown hair was flying in the wind as she manned the tiller. Her cheeks were pink and a pair of oversized sunglasses rested on her nose. Aviators, Tom had called them. She looked like her mother had, all those years ago.

"It looks like it is getting a little stronger," Kathryn observed looking out over the water. "Want me to turn it down a bit?"

Iva looked at her mother for a moment, then back at her older brother who stood calmly at the bow, holding on to the rigging as their boat bobbed over the waves. Anson shook his head and zipped up his windbreaker. "I think we can handle it."

"Rory?" Kathryn asked, turning to the youngest of her three sailors. Like Iva, her long hair was braided and she had a pair of sunglasses pushed up on her forehead, utterly defeating their purpose. She stood by her brother, one hand steadying herself on the boom, the other shielding her eyes from the late afternoon sun. Rory flashed her a thumbs up.

Kathryn nodded as she sat back down, her own windbreaker whipping around as another gust picked up. The kids had practically begged her to increase the difficulty on the sailing course, and reluctantly, she agreed. The three of them knew what they were doing and took the sport every seriously. She had no doubt that they could handle it and it had become somewhat of an experiment. When her husband found out, he had chided her about experimenting on their children again. Not  _ on _ , she had corrected him,  _ with _ . Iva, Anson and Rory had been practicing and they wanted to see how much they could handle. And of course, the safety protocols were on.

Her husband wrapped his arm around her as she watched their children. He smiled as she brushed a strand of hair off her face. "If they keep this up, they aren't going to need us here to help anymore," he said with a laugh.

"I'm not ready to retire just yet," she assured him. "Besides, none of them can reach the top of the mast on their own. I think we've got a few more years of usefulness to this crew yet." As if to prove her point, Anson called his father over to help him adjust the main sail. Kathryn sat back and watched proudly.

"Do you remember when we used to be able to just hold them in our laps and point out the stars to keep them entertained?" he asked, sitting back down next to her.

"Our children were never content just to sit still," she reminded him as she watched Iva change course and call out new orders to her brother and sister.

"Oh that's right," he sighed dramatically. "I must be remembering someone else's children."

She laughed and leaned over to kiss him on the cheek. "We do make pretty fine children, don't we?"

He nodded but then studied her closely. "You aren't changing your mind about another one, are you?" She raised her eyebrows at him and gave him a funny look. He shrugged his shoulders. "You did say eight…"

"Let's just focus on the junior sailing squad right now before they decide to throw us overboard, okay?" she laughed. "Our peaceful evening sails are turning into competitive speed runs."

Sailing for them had always been something enjoyable and relaxing. But for their kids, lazily floating around on a pristine holographic lake was fun once or twice before they got bored. So together, she and Chakotay had shown them some of the challenges of sailing; rough waters, strong winds, and a three hundred year old boat that demanded their full attention. The children had been utterly enthralled and determined to learn the craft for themselves. And Kathryn and Chakotay had been all too eager to share it with them.

She had started teaching the children how to sail on her own. It was something special that her father and older siblings had taught her and she wanted to share it with Anson, Iva and Rory. So much of her childhood had been spent on the lake, learning the intricacies of this old fashioned form of transportation, that she was determined to carry on that tradition with her own children.

Sailing had become something of a favorite pastime for her and Chakotay as well. After the near death experience where she was forced to watch her crew grieve for her while she sat by helpless, she was absolutely determined to make the most of her life. And at that moment, sailing with her first officer sounded like the perfect way to get started. He had been rattled by the whole experience too. Well, rattled was a polite way to describe it. He had held his fiancé in his arms and desperately tried to bring her back to life. He had cradled her body in his, willing her to come back to him, terrified of losing her. Seeing him like that was the absolute worst part of the whole experience. The man she loved, the man she wanted to marry, was forced to watch her die.

She had been so grateful when it was finally over that she clung to him tightly and buried her head in his shoulder so no one else could hear her sobs. He had laughed and cried all at once as he helped her to her feet. He wanted to carry her in his arms but she insisted on walking back to the shuttle, and he knew her well enough to know when he should back down and let Kathryn Janeway have her way.

They had been engaged for almost four months at that point, she remembered. New Earth was behind them and they were planning their lives together. But always in the back of her mind was that lingering fear of being forced to send him to his death in order to save the ship. It was something she agonized about late at night as he slept beside her. It was something she pushed to the back of her mind during the day and she ran her ship. And it was something that she thought about every day now that they had children.

In all that though, she had never really stopped to think about his worries. Chakotay had always been so calm and so practical about every situation. He looked at it, analyzed it and figured out a way to move forward. His emotions were always on his sleeve; if he didn't like something, she knew it and he didn't hesitate to tell her. It was something that had made them an excellent pair both on and off the bridge. Whenever she had expressed her deepest fear about being forced to choose between him and her ship, he had comforted her as only he could, whispering softly that it was okay and stroking her hair. He had never told her that he was worried about that too, only his worry was a little different.

It was during that horrendous experience that she finally saw the thing that Chakotay dreaded the most: losing her. His sadness, his passion and his anger were fresh for her to see as she watched him hold her lifeless body. She heard him tell her how he wouldn't be able to go on without her, how Voyager wouldn't be able to go on without her. He told her he wasn't ready yet to be a captain, to not have her by his side, encouraging him and helping him find his own way. As they waited for help, he told her that he should never have agreed to take her with him on that survey mission, but that he couldn't resist her smile when she asked if she could come with him.

As she watched him, she felt herself laugh through the tears. She had asked him so eagerly if she could join him on his survey mission, and he had laughed that if she wanted to assign herself to a mission she damn well could. In fact, she could do anything she wanted on that ship. She had replied that she wanted was to spend a little extra time with him. He had held out his hand and led her down to the shuttle bay.

But as he held her in his arms on that lonely planet he kept saying how selfish he had been to want to take her with him, that he had failed her as a first officer and now he was going to have to live with the consequences. Kathryn thanked whatever god there was that he didn't.

He stayed by her side all night in sickbay, holding her hand and always there with a smile when she complained about being stuck there. She told him then that she had seen it all, that she had seen him, and that she never wanted to see him go through that again. He had groaned good-naturedly and hid his face in his hands, muttering that she wasn't supposed to have seen all that and how would he possibly redeem himself in her eyes. But she had been glad she had seen him like that, glad that she was finally able to see that they both were desperately worried about how to balance their love and their duties.

She had promised him that she would take it easy but like usual, he had found her the next day in her ready room, trying to catch up on her work. And he had brought her a rose. She had known in that moment that any hope she had of finishing her work that evening had gone out the window. So they had gone sailing and it had been perfect. They sat for hours, cradled in each other's arms, watching the familiar stars over the water.

Their honeymoon had been at Lake George, something that he told her he had thought of as soon as he saw how relaxed she was while sailing. Their crew had pulled together to give them almost a week of solid holodeck time. They stayed in a cabin by the lake that Chakotay had designed, with Tom's help, based on her childhood memories. They had saved the program after that and had been taking regular trips there ever since. They brought the children there was often as they could and always, always took them sailing.

Anson and Iva had been the first to learn how to sail. The two of them did everything together; they were so close in age that they were practically twins. Anson was always a little taller, but not by much. Whatever one of them did, the other was determined to do as well. So after one family vacation when both of them had expressed a desire to learn, Kathryn had decided that it was time to teach them how to sail. Late in the afternoons while her husband was on the bridge, Kathryn would take the two of them on the boat. They would take turns with the different jobs on the boat but as the two of them got older, they fell into a pattern.

Iva would navigate. Kathryn shouldn't have been surprised by that one. Of all her children, Iva was the most like her, both in looks and in temperament. Her eldest daughter loved to be in control of every situation, and choosing the course of the boat was the closest thing to control she felt she could have. And her older brother, so much like his father, had been happy to let her take charge. Anson loved the whole process of sailing, how one move of the sail could change their speed and capture more wind, how every move onboard had to be deliberate and thought out in advance, and how he could lay on the bow and look up at the sky, feeling the waves underneath him. The partnership between the siblings had been remarkably like their parents when they first started sailing. Chakotay had known how to sail, but he was much more content to take directions from Kathryn, who was all too willing to give them. He had joked once that she was the captain of every craft she stepped foot on, be it a starship or a sailing ship.

When Rory was old enough to have a part to play on their sailing adventures, she wanted to do everything. She wanted to sit with Iva as she poured over her charts. She wanted to handle the rigging with Anson even though she could barely reach high enough to touch the boom. She wanted to stand at the very tip of the bow with her arms spread wide as the wind whipped her hair back. And rarely was she patient enough to pick one thing and stick with it. Kathryn had spent many afternoons chasing after her middle daughter, trying to get her to be still, lest she capsize the boat. Thankfully, that had yet to happen.

But Rory was older now. She was seven, and while she wasn't like her 12 and 11 year old brother and sister, she had learned to be very serious when it came to sailing. Her older siblings, luckily, were patient enough to let her do their favorite tasks, helping her learn the ropes as it were. When their father would come with, Rory would eagerly show him all she had been learning, careful to explain to him what she was doing and what the purpose was, as if he didn't know.

Chakotay for his part taught the children how to navigate by the stars. Anson had picked it up right way. He loved the constellations and understood how to handle that old fashioned method. Iva had found it frustrating. She loved her maps and hated how she could barely read them in the moonlight. She understood the concept of stellar navigation just fine, but like her mother, she preferred a more precise method of charting their course. Rory, of course, had come up with her own names for the constellations and thoroughly confused them all.

The youngest children had yet to learn the art of sailing around the lake. Maura had come with them a few times, but she had been just as happy to play in the sand on the beach as she was playing on the deck of the boat. The twins were still too young, and Kathryn felt a little uneasy about having six children including two one-year-olds on a boat with only two adults. So today, the three youngest were with Tom and B'Elanna. And the older three were enjoying some much-needed special attention from their parents.

This was the holodeck, she had to remind herself as she felt the mist from the water. Near the very top of her list upon returning to the Alpha Quadrant, after seeing her mother and siblings, was taking her children to see the real Lake George. There was nothing that could compare to the feeling of taking her own children to a place that she had visited so often as a child. She wanted to give them that connection to their extended family and to their past.

The sun was setting and she watched as Iva carefully steered them back to shore. There would be no midnight sail tonight. Tom and B'Elanna would be bringing Maura and the twins over soon for dinner and the two families would spend the evening out on the dock watching the stars. It wasn't a half bad way to spend the day, Kathryn thought to herself with a smile.

"Remind me," Chakotay said, his voice breaking her reverie, "to thank you for taking me sailing that one night." He leaned over and kissed her forehead. "This is absolutely perfect. Now if only I could get you to stop experimenting on our children…"

"I'll try," she promised with a laugh. "But teaching them to sail definitely has its advantages."

"Definitely," he said as he pulled her close to him with a smile.

###


	29. Plasma Storms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's late and once again Kathryn and Chakotay can't sleep.

The plasma storm had begun hours ago and was only just starting to fade. The twins hadn't liked it at all. Asa refused to go in his crib, exercising his recently learned favorite word "no." And anything Asa did Adalie had to do as well. Which meant her two youngest were curled up in their bed tonight, finally sleeping soundly despite the storm just outside the strong walls of the hull.

Kathryn was fairly certain that they had never had this problem with her older children. Anson and Iva had been born when Voyager was transiting a part of space that was prone to storms and subsequently had learned to sleep right through it. The idea that the twins were so unsettled by a storm had been adorable at first but now it meant that they were the only ones in the family who got any sleep at all. She wasn't sure how two small little bodies could take up so much room in such a large bed but they managed to do it. Just the other night Adalie had literally kicked her father out of the bed. Kathryn had finally fallen asleep when she awoke to the sound of a thud as her husband hit the deck. He looked up at her with an exhausted smile and shook his head as he carefully climbed back into bed.

Adalie had been a kicker from the beginning. Kathryn could remember so many sleepless nights when she was pregnant when the sharp kicks of one of the twins left her wincing as she tried to find a comfortable position. She had been surprised how little it seemed to bother her brother. She supposed Asa had had nine long months to get used to his aggressive little sister but it always make Kathryn gasp in alarm when she felt a tiny little foot jab her ribs or her bladder. The latter had been a whole new level of fun. It made leaving the New Year's Eve party because Maura had decided to kick her bladder seem like a walk in the park.

Adalie was feisty; there was no denying it. But every now and then she would curl up beside her mother and hold on to her tightly. In the end, that was really why Kathryn didn't mind them climbing into bed with her during a bad storm. As Tom had put it, they were much more adorable when they were sleeping.

And they were strong sleepers. Once they were down, they were out. The only thing that seemed to wake either of them up was if someone tried to put them back in their cribs. Chakotay had built them for the twins when they were born. At the time, Kathryn had not been pleased that their entire living room had been taken over by wood and sawdust which had the wonderful side-effect of making her sneeze. She was so sure that the twins could just use the cribs they already had; really, they had four other children at that point, surely one of them had to have a crib still. But Maura wasn't yet done with hers and Anson, Iva and Rory's had all gone to various other crewmembers who were starting their families. Somehow the twins really did need brand new cribs.

And they were beautiful, just like anything her husband made. They reminded her somehow of something her mother would have loved, all natural and handmade. Her homesickness always got so much worse during her pregnancies. She wanted her mother there with her as she walked through a new phase of life. She wanted her mother there as they decorated the nursery and found a place for the mountain of baby things that her crew had seen fit to give them at the baby shower. Never mind that unlike the crib situation, they clearly had plenty of baby things ready to be rushed into service. But she was never one to dissuade her crew from throwing a party, even if it was at her expense. When she got those precious moments of screen time with her mother, Kathryn would dutifully show her each and everything that her crewmembers had so thoughtfully given them. To her credit, her mother would smile and laugh at the utter excess. She never once would ask when Voyager would be returning. Her mother had been a Starfleet wife long enough to know that if there was any good news Kathryn would have told her right away. She just told her daughter how proud she was of the job she was doing out there and how much she adored her grandchildren.

"Do you ever wonder when we'll get home?" she asked quietly, turning on her side to face her husband. Chakotay had been reading. He was always reading, she thought to herself. How he found time to read or even concentrate on anything was beyond her. She wondered if he had always been like that, reading late at night until he fell asleep, eager to get his hands on anything new to devour be it a technical manual or a piece of ancient literature. He had once joked that he had started reading in order to keep up with her. She wondered how much truth was really in that statement.

"Soon?" he shrugged. "Honestly, I try not to dwell on it too much."

"I know," she sighed. "I was so sure that we'd find some miracle wormhole or conduit or slipstream technology that would bring us home long before our family was so established here. None of them have ever known anything besides Voyager. Their world is so controlled, so defined by bulkheads of this ship." She reached down to brush Asa's hair out of his eyes. "The people that love them are so close by. They've never had to travel across a continent to visit family. They've never had to be separated from someone they care about because of a job or schooling. How are we going to help them get adjusted to the real world?"

Chakotay smiled. "I always imagined we'd just move right next door to your mom and that that would solve all our problems."

"Built-in babysitter," she laughed softly. "She'd love that, you know."

"I know. I've talked to her about it."

Kathryn raised an eyebrow. "You have? Where was I?"

"Off being the captain of something somewhere," he said giving her a funny look. "We've talked a lot about what our lives will be like when we finally make it back home. She wanted to know what she could do to make the transition easier for you."

"She knows this is a long way off at this point, right?"

"She knows," her husband assured her. "She just likes to plan ahead. It made me realize where you got it from."

"So, what did you tell her? About helping us transition, that is," she asked.

He put his book down and turned to face her. "I told her that it was going to be hard. There will be no way around that. We've been living in an isolated community for so long. Every one of our needs is met by Voyager and if it isn't we find a way to make it work. Once we get back, we'll both have to work in a place that isn't 100 yards from our quarters or where our children go to school. You'll go to the Admiralty, no doubt."

"No doubt," Kathryn laughed.

"Why are you laughing about that?" he asked with a smile as he adjusted the sleeping toddler on his chest.

"I was always imagining that I'd be court-martialed for my many transgressions, the least of which is marrying my first officer," Kathryn said with characteristic chagrin.

"Ah," he nodded knowingly. "I don't think so. They've got an office with your name on it waiting for the day when you make your triumphant return."

"Whenever that may be," she groaned.

"Of course."

"What about you? What will you be doing in your fantasy?" she asked.

"Well, of the two of us, I am the most likely to face a court-martial…"

She reached over and gave him a playful slap, careful not to disturb Adalie. "Very funny," she murmured. "Now be serious."

"All right then," he sighed with a dramatic sense of defeat. "I'll be teaching at the Academy. I'll be close by so I can come see you whenever I want. I'll make you guest lecture in all my classes even though we both know you don't know a thing about anthropology or archaeology. I'll watch from the back of the classroom as you tell my students about my great adventures sitting next to you for all these years. And…"

"Yes?" she prompted, her mind caught up in his vision.

"Well, I've always imagined you pregnant and complaining to my students that your condition is all my fault," he said with a laugh.

"Oh no…" she muttered. "Oh no. No no no no no….no." She shook her head firmly. "I will not be a pregnant Admiral."

"Do they even make a maternity uniform for that high of a rank?"

"Honestly, I don't even know," she admitted. "Can we just stick with a pregnant captain for now?"

He stopped and stared at her. "Kathryn…."

She felt her eyes go wide. "No, I'm not pregnant. Honestly," she said as she tried to reassure him. "I was just thinking one day…"

"I thought you swore these two troublemakers would be our last," he chided with a mischievous smile.

"Well, maybe," she blushed. "I don't know."

"That's okay," he leaned over to kiss her on the forehead. "I think we have our hands more than full at this moment." As if to confirm that statement, Adalie sleepily grabbed onto her father's hand and rolled over, kicking her brother in the leg as she did it.

"What else did you tell my mom?" she asked quietly as she carefully moved Asa away from his kicking sister.

"I told her that we are going to need a lot of support," he told her honestly. "I told her that reentry will be hard. She knows what it is like for family members after a very long deep space deployment. Your father had several of those, didn't he?"

Kathryn nodded. "I was pretty young back then but he was gone for almost a year one time. I don't remember him having a hard time readjusting but I remember that most of his officers spent a lot of their free time at our home. I asked my mom about it once and she said that they just missed each other and needed to see a familiar face every now and then."

Kathryn smiled as she remembered. Their home in Indiana was large and had many extra bedrooms. Her mother and father had had a standing policy that anyone from his ships who needed a place to stay while they got back on their feet after a long mission was welcome for as long as they needed to stay. Their dining room table was always full of her father's officers, always eager to share their stories with Kathryn and her siblings. Most of the stories were comforting and reaffirmed her belief that her father could do anything; stories about power outages that a little creative engineering had solved, scientific mysteries that had the whole crew stumped until her father remembered something he had read long ago, and the wild antics of the younger enlisted ranks that the captain would occasionally join in.

Some of the stories were heartbreaking. The world of Starfleet involved loss, whether it was of time that could have been spent back home with loved ones, of community of those they had begun to rely on every day, or of life when an accident or incident took one of their own away forever. She had wondered how her father had managed to reconcile these two opposing aspects of the organization he loved so much. On the one hand, he had the chance to see things no one had ever seen before and work with some of the most talented and committed people on the planet. On the other hand, there was always the very real chance that something could go wrong and result in a devastating loss to the crew. Those two realities always seemed to be in balance with her father but it was something she struggled with her whole career.

Chakotay never had. She wondered if it came from his attitude of having nothing left to lose. He never dwelled on the morbid reality of their journey alone through unknown space. He kept that in his mind of course but he never let it overshadow the reality of the present: they were experiencing things no one else ever had and in a way no one would for decades to come. And he always knew they would make it back.

At first, she had been determined to put her own life on hold until they got back home, but he had helped her see how incredibly impractical and almost dangerous that was. Voyager was in the Delta Quadrant for good and there was a very real chance that it would be years before they made it home. He made her realize that she couldn't sacrifice her own happiness because of their situation. And, as he loved to remind her, he did have some ulterior motives for getting the captain to realize that she was allowed to follow her heart.

"When I learned about his missions and their long duration, I was so sure I didn't want to be a deep space officer, let alone a captain," she said, returning to the moment.

"What changed your mind?" he asked.

"Well, if you aren't in deep space there isn't much science to do," she replied with characteristic frankness.

"I suppose not," he laughed.

"I didn't want to be on patrol my whole career and I had been told that my diplomatic skills were most likely dormant, so that left deep space," she sighed. "But I never imagined it would be like this."

"Me neither."

"I mean, here we are, waiting out a plasma storm with our children. This certainly wasn't in the mission parameters," she said with a smile.

"I don't know what we did wrong with these two," he shrugged as Adalie rolled off him completely.

"We never used to have these sorts of problems with the others," Kathryn agreed.

"No, never," he nodded. "We only had to deal with them sneaking out in the middle of the night and running all over the ship before we finally found them."

"I'd forgotten about that."

"They just wanted to help their mother focus on the present and not focus on when Voyager finally makes it home."

"I'll have to thank them for that someday," she smiled.

"When we finally make it home?" he offered, reaching over to turn off the light.

"Deal," she said with a laugh as the plasma storm faded away.

###


	30. Finale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She had said she wanted eight...

"This is impossible…"

"… well, not exactly."

"Kathryn…."

"How could this happen?"

"We've got six already, I'm pretty sure we remember how they happened," he sighed.

She felt herself laugh in spite of the situation. "Oh yes, I remember."

"So, we just do the math and count backwards…"

"Very funny."

Suddenly they heard a loud bang from one of the bedrooms followed by a chorus of "We're okay! Everything's fine! Don't come in here!"

She turned to her husband. "You want this one?"

"I'll give them a few minutes to get their story straightened out," he frowned but couldn't help but smile. "If they've decided to reorganize their rooms again we are going to have a long night ahead of us. Last time they tried to convince us that Maura could just sleep in a drawer."

"Well, back then she could," Kathryn noted dryly. "Now I'd say they are going to put her in one of the bookshelves."

"Poor thing. But she seems to love it," he pointed out. "I just hope we never have to deal with them building an anti-grav sled in their closet again."

"It did work surprisingly well," she admitted. "And no one went to sickbay."

"Kids and disorder go hand in hand," he shrugged as another crash emanated from the bedroom. "I'll be back in a minute," he frowned as he got up to deal with the crisis leaving her alone with her thoughts.

###

"Hey, hey, hey whoa there," he said rushing over to her and grabbing the glass from her hands.

"Relax," Kathryn said, taking the glass back and giving him a funny look. "It's non-alcoholic."

"Ah," he said sheepishly, running his hand along the back of his neck.

"It is pretty easy to tell too," she shook her head in mock frustrating. "This looks nothing like the real stuff." She took a sip and grimaced. "And tastes nothing like it too. Here," she said handing the unfinished drink to her husband, "now it's yours."

"Great," he sighed. He took a sip and shrugged his shoulders. "It tastes fine to me."

"That's coming from a man who hasn't been banned from champagne and caffeine."

"Fair point," he smiled. He handed her back the glass and wrapped his arm around her waist.

"You know," Kathryn began as he pulled her close, "you're not going to be able to do that in a couple months."

"What?" he asked absently.

"Wrap your arm around my waist."

"I'll still be able to," he laughed. "There will just be a large baby bump in the way."

Kathryn grimaced. "I can hardly wait." She was just about to take a sip of the cider when she saw Tom running over to them.

"Hey, Captain! Don't drink that!"

"Not again," she groaned. "Relax, Tom. It's cider. And not my husband's special cider either."

"Oh."

"But I appreciate your concern" she said giving Tom a smile.

"I don't think any of the guys who threw this little shindig together know you are pregnant yet," Tom said by way of apology. Kathryn didn't think so either. They had told a few people so far but for once the news hadn't spread throughout the ship at warp 10. The scientific part of her very much wanted to study the phenomenon, but the pregnant part of her didn't really have the brain capacity to experiment right now. It took all her energy to get through her shift on the bridge and that was with a nap right in the middle. She hadn't expected pregnancy to be this exhausting.

"So how are you enjoying your engagement party?" Chakotay asked as Tom looked around the holodeck.

"It's great," Tom smiled. "Besides," he said looking over at B'Elanna, "I think this is the one holodeck program of mine that she actually likes."

Kathryn smiled. Everyone loved the resort program. The crew loved getting to feel the sun, even if it was artificial. They loved the water, even if it was nothing more than an illusion. They had most of their parties here now. She couldn't help but wonder if there was going to be a baby shower here in a couple months.

"Tom, we're so happy for the two of you," Kathryn beamed.

"Thanks, Captain," Tom returned the smile. "Who knows, maybe in a few years, your little guy will have a playmate."

"I'd like that," she said, giving her husband a knowing look. "We might even have another by that point too."

"Oh boy," Tom muttered under his breath. But Chakotay just looked back at her with a smile.

###

"Hi."

"Hi…"

"Look," she began. "I know we talked about this thing…"

"Kathryn, don't worry about it," he assured her.

"It's just that I'm exhausted and I can barely think straight let alone carry on a conversation…"

"I know," he chuckled. "You told the bridge crew that you were going on a sabbatical and that you didn't much care you had the conn so long as someone did."

"I said that?" her eyes widened as she sat down on the couch.

"They called about a minute before you got here."

"You've got to go up there and straighten all that out," she groaned, holding her head in her hands. "Lord knows what else I told them."

"Relax, it's fine. I'll head up in a few minutes. I just wanted to see you before I left," he said, wrapping his arms around her.

"Well, here I am," she muttered. "I'm quite a sight, aren't I?" she gave him a sad look.

"You look beautiful, like you always do."

"We were crazy to think this would work," she sighed.

"Maybe."

"I don't know how we are going to survive when the second one comes along."

"We'll manage," he assured her. She felt his hands rest on the telltale swell of her baby bump. They had wanted their children to be close together in age, but she had to admit that she had been terrified when they found out she was pregnant so soon after their son's birth. Anson, their perfect little boy, was the reason behind this whole crazy arrangement. They decided to split their time on the bridge so that someone was always home with their eleven-month-old baby but in reality it meant that she came off duty just as her husband had finally gotten the baby to go down to sleep. It meant that they barely had anything more than a moment to say hi before he headed to the bridge and she fell asleep. She wasn't even sure how they had managed to find time to even create their second child. She smiled to herself remembering; it had been their anniversary and the crew had arranged to give them an entire night alone. Six weeks later when Kathryn realized why she had been feeling so nauseous she had told Tom never ever to do that again, lest she wind up with half a dozen children.

But they had been excited. She had a feeling, just a little feeling that this one would be a girl and she thought that was perfect. One boy and one girl, one mother and one father, a perfect little family. Of course, they had talked about her dreams to have a big family. Her husband had sounded almost as excited as her at the prospect. But for the moment, all she could manage to handle was the one and two-thirds children they currently had.

She wasn't sure how her husband did it. Sure, he wasn't pregnant. But he was the one spending the majority of time when the baby when he was awake. And as perfect as Anson was, he wasn't one to ever want to go to sleep. It was a miracle that her husband had the baby all tucked in bed by the time Kathryn got off the bridge. All she had to do was crawl into bed and wait for the inevitable nighttime feeding.

"I'll see you in the morning," Chakotay promised as he leaned over to kiss her on the forehead. "Try to get some sleep."

"I'll try," she sighed, "but your children haven't exactly been cooperating."

He laughed. "The little one's been kicking all night?"

"She's going to be trouble."

"She?" he asked, giving her a look.

"Just a guess."

"Hmmm," he thought that one over before placing his hand on her rounded stomach. "Little one, please let your mother sleep tonight," he whispered quietly. "The spirits only know what sort of trouble is waiting for me on the bridge."

"Very funny."

"I love you," he said, pulling her close one last time.

"I love you too."

###

"You used to wear your hair in a ponytail," he said running his hand through her hair.

"I didn't used to have two small children who liked to reach up and grab things."

"Fair enough." He studied her closely for a moment. "You aren't going to cut all your hair off when the third one finally comes, are you?" he asked, resting his hand on her belly.

"I think not," she shook her head, feeling her hair fall around her shoulders.

"Good, because I love your hair," her husband smiled.

###

"Chakotay, I'm not coming!" he heard her say as she went into their bedroom. He sighed. He had figured it would be hard to get his heavily pregnant wife to come to the crew New Years Ball but he didn't figure it would be this hard.

"Come on, Kathryn," he tried. "The kids are already down there."

"Nope," she called through the doorway.

"Everyone wants to see you," he said looking in their room to find her sitting on the bed.

"No, everyone wants to see how big I've gotten and touch my belly."

"Well, you haven't been doing much to dissuade them from the second one," he said, sitting down next to her. She huffed and buried her head in this shoulder.

"I've been feeling terrible all day," she said, her voice muffled.

"I know," he began rubbing a hand along her back, feeling her muscles straining to adjust to her new center of gravity. "It will be good for you."

"None of my dresses fit anymore," she sighed, looking over at her closet. Chakotay knew better than to admit that one was true.

"Then go replicate a new one," he said, kissing her hair.

"My feet are too swollen for shoes."

"Then go barefoot." He heard her laugh in spite of herself.

"I'm too huge and pregnant for all this," she groaned.

"Come on, Kathryn," he said pulling her up to a standing position. He lead her over to the replicator where he patiently punched in the specifications for a dress he remembered her wearing when she was heavily pregnant with Iva. Soon it materialized and he handed it over to her. She looked over at him with a sad smile.

"I don't know what I've done to deserve you."

"Just get dressed," he said, leaning over to kiss her on the cheek. He turned back to the replicator, quietly hitting few commands for a white flower. His wife loved flowers. She said they reminded her of home and of New Earth. She had always found gardening to be very satisfying and he was hoping that a rose might do the trick tonight.

He turned around to see her standing there, pinning her hair back and looking at herself in the mirror. She was beautiful. The dress fit her even better than it had before, falling softly over her swollen belly before cutting off at her knees. He saw her fuss with one of the cap sleeves and smiled as she tried to smooth out the ruffles.

"Kathryn, you look stunning," he said putting his hands on her shoulders. "Here," he handed her the flower.

She looked up at him and smiled, tucking the flower behind her ear. "What do you think?"

"Lovely," he couldn't keep the smile off his face. "Are you ready?"

"Let's go before I change my mind about all this."

"That's the Kathryn I know and love," he laughed as she put her arm through his.

"Wait a minute," she stopped and gave him a look.

"What's wrong?" he asked, concerned.

"Bathroom," she sighed.

"Probably a good idea."

"It never fails," she groaned.

###

Chakotay thought he had plenty of experience with pregnant women. He had grown up in a big family, his wife had had four children to date, his best friend had two little ones and the ship he called home was rapidly turning into a generational one. Though one might argue that had quite a bit to do with him. But none of that had prepared him for how his wife would handle being pregnant with twins.

Already in her fifth month, Kathryn was proudly (or begrudgingly depending on her mood) a good-sized baby bump. She was so round in fact that he had had to remind himself that she still was a long way off from labor and delivery even if she looked like she could pop any day. But while she had had strong cravings with Anson, Iva, Rory and Maura, namely coffee, coffee, coffee and for the love of god if you value your life please give me coffee, Kathryn wasn't craving food or drink this time around. She was craving the beach.

"I want to feel the sand between my toes, the sun on my face, the wind in my hair," she said wistfully after they had finally gotten their rowdy brood of four to bed one night.

"But the beach?" he had questioned.

"It's better for me than coffee," she had shrugged before hurrying off to the bathroom. That was another thing that was different this time around; all of Kathryn's regular pregnancy symptoms seemed to be doubled in their intensity. Her morning sickness lasted much longer than it had before, her body felt exhausted almost all day even after a good night's rest, and her bladder she swore had shrunk. Her husband had just smiled and given her a kiss on the cheek whenever she complained.

He couldn't do anything about her nausea or her exhaustion or about the two little bodies making it impossible for her to sit still, but the beach, the beach he could handle. He had managed to pull together an afternoon on the holodeck by some miracle. He had been prepared to beg, borrow or loan out anything he could to cobble together something special for his wife but he was surprised when one of the ops officers told him that he had three free hours on the holodeck for the next day. Apparently he hadn't been the only one trying to do something nice for his very pregnant captain.

So he and the kids had spent that evening while their mother was on the bridge building the perfect beach program. Tom had come by to help with the technical programming but he let the kids choose where to put the beach chairs and umbrellas, if there would be seagulls or not, what time of day it would be and on and on. His older two adored it all. He realized with a hint of regret that all four of his children had never experienced one of Earth's beaches. They had seen similar ones on other planets where Voyager had visited, but this one part of Earth that their mother so desperately missed was something they had no experience with. Suddenly the project became even more important to him.

They were finally ready after lunch. Chakotay called up to the bridge to let them know that the Captain and First Officer wouldn't be back on the bridge that afternoon. Kathryn had given him a look but he had only told her to grab a sundress and maybe a swimsuit. She had groaned when he said the word "swimsuit" so he had gently pushed her into the bedroom and told her to get ready. By the time she came out, dressed in a long green and blue sleeveless dress that cinched tightly right above her belly, a large sunhat and a pair of flip-flops, he had the kids ready to go. They all climbed into the turbolift where he told Kathryn to close her eyes. Anson ran ahead and turned on the program while the girls ran after him, followed by Chakotay holding his hands over Kathryn's eyes.

"Chakotay, this is ridiculous."

"I know."

"Then why?"

"Just trust me." They stopped when they reached the door. "Slip off your shoes," he said and by some miracle, she did it. They stepped through the open doors and he heard her gasp. "Okay, you can open your eyes," he said finally.

"Oh my goodness!" she whispered in awe. "How?"

"Those guys," he said pointing to the four little ones playing in the surf.

Kathryn looked down and wiggled her foot around in the sand.

"So?" he finally asked.

"This is just perfect, absolutely perfect." She turned around and around, letting her dress spin in the wind.

"Careful, hon," he said, steadying her before she got too dizzy. "Would you like to take a walk on the beach?" he asked with a grin. She nodded eagerly.

"Thank you so much for this," she sighed. "I didn't know how much I needed this."

"I did," he admitted.

"Did I throw more pillows at you last night?"

"No, but there are other ways of knowing someone you love needs a break." He smiled. "I know it is harder this time around, but it will be worth it in about four months."

"I know," she sighed looking around as the waves crashed against the sand. "This is perfect."

###

"So?" she asked as he sat back down on the couch.

"They were trying to build a slingshot out of Rory's bed."

Kathryn frowned. "Can we really do this again?"

"I don't think we have much choice."

"Just tell me this is going to be okay."

Chakotay wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her close. "Kathryn, everything is going to be okay. This is wonderful news. Unexpected but wonderful all the same."

"I guess the twins weren't destined to be our last," she sighed giving him a wry smile.

"We're just not that lucky," he laughed, giving her a kiss on the forehead.

"But this one has to be the last one," she insisted.

"Whatever you say, Katie."

###


End file.
